Memoirs I Enjoyed

I love learning about other peoples' lives, so it's no surprise that I've read a bunch of memoirs and autobiographies.  These are some of my favorites.

Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt is my all-time favorite memoir.  He describes how he grew up in the slums of Limerick, Ireland after being born in Depression-era Brooklyn to Irish immigrants. 

Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth is about the experiences of a trainee midwife in London in the 1950s.  

Educated by Tara Westover is her life story of being born to a family of survivalists who did not send their kids to school or hospitals.  The kids had to try to teach themselves if they wanted any education, and all illnesses and injuries were treated at home with herbal remedies and superstition.  

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. This man is younger than me but he's already lived such an incredible life.

Let's Pretend this Never Happened and  Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson are two of the best books I have ever read.  The author is hilarious and raw and honest and her life story is interesting and helpful, particularly to people who have anxiety and/or depression.

Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things that Happened and Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh.  These two books made me laugh and cry and I love them. They are illustrated accounts of her memories and struggles.

This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor by Adam Kay is his account of his days as a British OBGYN. Dude is crazy funny, and his point is well made.

Ghost in the Wires: My Adventures as the World's Most Wanted Hacker by Kevin D. Mitnick is about his adventures as a phone and computer hacker.

Hand to Mouth: Living in Bootstrap America by Linda Tirado is about her struggles as a member of the working poor in America. Very telling.

How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran is the memoir of this funny British lady.

Idiot by Laura Clery.  Hilarious. I follow her online videos, and she's a rare type of lady.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. Powerful and compelling life story.

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J D Vance.  Success story with considerable insight into a specific culture that many people overlook.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty. Informative and interesting look at the death industry.

The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkel.  This book is very well-researched, and only came about due to the extreme tenacity of the author. I did not give it 5 stars because about three-quarters of the way through, it hits a dull patch of extraneous information. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the outliers of society or unusual biographies.

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed is her story of  hitting rock bottom in life, and finding redemption on the trail.

 Invisible: How Young Women with Serious Health Issues Navigate Work, Relationships and the Pressure to Seem Just Fine by Michele Lent Hirsch.

Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman.  This is her memoir of her time in prison, and there is a TV show based on it.

Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tells of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind by Nicole Knepper. 

Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother's Will to Survive by Stephanie Land.  Inspiring story and excellently written.

I'm a Believer: My Life of Monkees, Music, and Madness by Micky Dolenz.  This is his very entertaining life story of my favorite Monkee. Gotta love this dude.

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor by Bruce Campbell. 

I'm the One that I Want by Margaret Cho.  This comedian's funny life stories.

Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, and Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong. Comedian.

Full Metal Jacket Diary by Matthew Modine.  He chronicles his time working on the movie. I loved it.

The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish.  This talented comedian/actress had me crying laughing as I read this book.

Inside Out by Demi Moore. I've always liked her as an actress, and I really enjoyed the juicy stories she tells in this book.

A Little Bit Wicked: Life, Love, and Faith in Stages by Kristin Chenoweth.  I picked this one up because she's an Okie, but this singer/actress has good stories to tell.

Stories I Only Tell My Friends and Love Life by Rob Lowe. I never really thought about this actor much, as I haven't seen the West Wing or many of his movies, but these books won me over. He is a very thoughtful, candid, talented, and funny dude. He does great impressions of other celebrities, too.

Prairie Tale: A Memoir by Melissa Gilbert. She is mostly known for her role as Laura on the TV show Little House on the Prairie. This book chronicles her life, including her time as an actress and her relationship with Rob Lowe.  

Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology by Leah Remini. This actress is known for her TV roles, but this book focuses on her experiences with Scientology.

Why We Don't Suck by Denis Leary. Funny actor/comedian. The Asshole song/video.

My Mother Was Nuts by Penny Marshall. This actress/director had an incredible life.

Hungry Heart: Adventures in Life, Love, and Writing by Jennifer Weiner.  This is the author of many women's fiction books, including Good in Bed and In Her Shoes. 

I'm Your Huckleberry: A Memoir by Val Kilmer. Actor.

How Precious Was That While by Piers Anthony. Sci-fi/fantasy author, mostly known for the Xanth books.

I am C-3PO: The Inside Story by Anthony Daniels. This is a good book for Star Wars fans.

I. Asimov by Isaac Asimov. Sci-fi author who wrote the Foundation series, the I, Robot series, and much more.

Find Me by Rosie O'Donnell. Actress/comedian/talk show host.

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey.  Dude has cool stories.

Girl Walks Into a Bar: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle by Rachel Dratch. Actress comedian known for performing on SNL.

Almost Interesting by David Spade. Actor/comedian.

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes.

Based on a True Story by Norm Macdonald. Comedian. Dude is crazy.

The Bassoon King: My Life in Art, Faith, and Idiocy by Rainn Wilson.  Actor. Fascinating individual.

Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life by Steve Martin.

Bossypants by Tina Fey. Actress.

Brave by Rose McGowan. Actress.

Bunny Tales by Izabella St. James.  Life inside the Playboy mansion.

Buseyisms: Gary Busey's Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth by Gary Busey.  Dude is insane. Read this for the crazy stories.

Coreyography by Corey Feldman. Actor, mostly known for 1980s movies.

Dirty Daddy: The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian by Bob Saget.

Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny by Holly Madison.

Life by Keith Richards. Rolling Stones musician.

Little Girl Lost by Drew Barrymore. Actress.

My Boring-Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith by Kevin Smith. Director/actor/writer who got his start with the movie Clerks, which I love.

Riding the Elephant: A Memoir of Altercations, Humiliations, Hallucinations, and Observations by Craig Ferguson. Scottish comedian who hosted an American late night show.

Unqualified by Anna Faris.  Very candid actress.

Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. TV show creator.

You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein.

You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day.

Wherein I rhapsodize about Piers Anthony.

 Oh, man. Where do I even begin?  Piers Anthony, the creative genius, the prolific writer, the ballsy wacko.  This dude is 86 years old right now, and still cranking out books and a monthly newsletter.  I'm a lifelong superfan of (almost) everything he creates.

So I must've been about 11 when I read my first Xanth book, Demons Don't Dream (1994), and I've been hooked ever since.  Of course, the first book in the Xanth series is A Spell for Chameleon (1977), which happens to be my favorite book of all time.  It has everything I could ever want in a fantasy novel: humor, a quest, and interesting characters.  I mean, you have the perfect anti-hero/foil in poor, (supposedly) doomed Bink,  The way his surroundings play off him is hilarious and masterful writing.  I've read this book countless times, and I recommend it to people a few times a week.  It's my go-to comfort read.

But while Piers Anthony might be best known for the Xanth series, he has written many, many more books about a vast variety of subjects.  For example, the second-most common book that I recommend is Rings of Ice (1974).  It's definitely considered sci-fi, and it's about as far from the happy, light fantasy of Xanth as you can get.  It's a dystopian kind of action-adventure, and grittier than his other works.  Basically, Earth is flooding and humans are trying to find high ground and survive, no matter what they have to do along the way.  

Another of my favorites is Killobyte (1993).  It's about virtual reality, and what can happen if the players are hacked, unable to log out, and taunted.  Will they die in real life?  Or will they defeat the evil genius?

I feel that I must include a mention of 2 of his strangest works. Pornucopia (1989) and The Magic Fart.  Here's the goodreads description of Pornucopia: "Pornucopia is a picaresque black comedy that transgresses all bounds of everyday good taste. It begins in a near-future world where sex-vending machines and genital transplants are taken for granted. "  Yep.  This book is insane. I could see where it was supposed to go, but it missed the mark.  The description doesn't do it justice.   . . . I mean, the main character swaps out his tiny ween for a muti-tool (various sizes and shapes and uses).  He then goes on a journey and his multi-functional member helps along the way.  I can never regain the time I spent reading this.  The Magic Fart is the sequel, and I did not read it.

(Wait a second. Now that I've mentally revisited Pornucopia, I kinda want to try it again.  I think I was in my late teens when I first read it.😉)

So anyway, I've been hoping for a Xanth movie for YEARS.  It's been in talks many, many, many times, but never goes into production.  I would love to see a movie of A Spell for Chameleon.  But I'm extremely worried about it because of the pattern that's emerged:  Isaac Asimov died before his book, I, Robot, was made into a movie . . . And Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, same thing.  Those are two very similar authors . . .

I just remembered a relevant song

Detachable Penis by King Missile:

Assaulted at the gas station

I was assaulted a few days ago.  The experience shook me to the core and made me realize how lucky I am.  

So, I work from 8 AM to 4:30 PM Monday through Friday for a library system.  I stop at the same gas station every morning on my way to work, usually for a fountain drink, a donut, cheetos, or candy.  I'm a creature of habit, always parking in the same spot if it's available.  A few days ago, I tried to park in my usual spot at the gas station, and accidentally tapped the car perpendicular to me.  The other car was not parked within the lines, which was why I misjudged the space.  It was the lightest of taps, causing no damage, but I was prepared to apologize to the other driver.  


However, by the time I stood up out of my car, the other driver was already around hers and yelling at me. I tried to show her that our cars were both undamaged, but she would not let me speak.  She was irate, with crazy eyes and crazier hair.  She was waving her arms and screaming, "You stupid bitch!" over and over.  Then, while I was still staring dumbfounded at her, she began shoving me and saying, "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."  It was like she was possessed.  At about this time, my adrenaline kicked in and I began to both notice my surroundings and take defensive measures.  There was a gas station employee standing on the curb right by our cars, and she was trying to get the crazy lady's attention away from me.  Some other people were standing around watching.  My immediate instinct was to GET AWAY.  I gave one last fleeting thought to my  fountain drink, opened my car door, and attempted to get back inside my car.

My assailant gave no quarter.  She kept screaming and cursing me, and now she was using my car door as a weapon.  Using all her strength and rage with both arms, she was repeatedly smacking me with the car door, which painfully squeezed me against the car. All I could do was try to brace myself against the car door with my left forearm, which caused my right shoulder to smash into the car over and over.  At this point, my hindbrain was on full alert, signaling flee flee flee flee flee flee.  I don't know how long it took, but I managed to get inside my car. The crazy lady was screaming and attacking me with the car door the whole time. Even inside my car, I did not feel safe.  The crazy lady was still waving her arms and shouting at me.  So I left.

Looking back, I realize that I must have been in shock, because I drove all the way the work.  That's about 20 miles from the gas station.  I remember calling my husband on the way, hysterically crying as I tried to tell him what happened. He kept telling me to turn around and come home, but I was adamant about going to work.  So I showed up at work, went directly to my supervisor, and tried to tell him what happened.  Poor guy. He clearly had no idea what to do with me, as I had become hysterical again.  My husband called me while I was in my supervisor's office, and he convinced me to drive back home so he could take me to the police station.

Apparently, the gas station employees had called the police and reported the incident.  They had also written down the license plate number and type of car the crazy lady had been driving.  My husband convinced me to press charges.  I picked my assailant's mugshot from a photo lineup.  She was already in the system, having been arrested in the recent past.  The police went around to the address associated with the car she was driving, but she was not there.  The officer working the case told me he'd call with any developments.  It's been 5 days.

I sustained a bleeding scratch on my cheek, a large bruise on my left forearm, and several bruises around my right shoulder.

It could've been worse. I had a canister of pepper spray within reach the entire time, but I didn't even think about it. I could've fought back, but I'm glad I didn't.  Escalation is bad.

And I know I'm very lucky to have made it to age 37 before being involved in this type of physical altercation. 

The bruises are 5 days old in this picture.

My Experience With White Privilege

Okay, let me paint a picture here:  It's 1999, I was 16, I had my license, a car, and a part-time job at Dairy Queen.  I typically worked Saturdays and Sundays during the school year, and expanded my hours during the summer. I was in 10th grade, I was a mostly-A student, and I attended all the football games because I was in the band (tenor sax). I had a few close friends, lots of crushes, but no boyfriend.  I lived in a stable, 2-parent home of modest means.  My favorite thing to do was read, and I could read a book a day.  You might say I was living the typical life of a teenager, albeit a nerdy one.

One evening, probably around midnight or later, I was ending my late shift at DQ.  I gave a coworker a ride home, and headed home myself.  Now, my parents lived 13 miles away from the Dairy Queen, most of it outside town, and I usually made this drive with the radio blaring and no regard for the speed limit.  I also had a bad tendency to daydream while driving.  So I'm driving along Midwest Blvd, singing to the radio, when I notice flashing lights behind me.  I don't remember a siren, but I did have the music up loud, so who knows? That detail is lost in time.  Anyway. I have no idea how long the cop has been behind me, but I'm choosing to believe I noticed it sooner rather than later.  So, I panic.  I've never been pulled over before, and I want to do it correctly, so I'm freaking out wondering what stretch of road I should pull over on, am I supposed to signal, etc.  I quickly went from going 68 mph to around 20 mph.  I was still undecided as to what I should do as I approached 29th street, and the light went red.

So I stopped for the light.  I believe I was thinking something along the lines of "I shouldn't run a red light while a cop is tailing me." So I STOPPED FOR THE LIGHT.  Meanwhile, the cop had called for backup, so by the time I turned left onto 29th street there were a total of FOUR police cars following me.  I was losing my shit trying to figure out where to pull over, and yes, I'm still driving very slowly.  Crawling, really.  With 4 police cars behind me.  I remember I crossed a bridge because I didn't know if it was okay to pull over on the bridge.  I finally almost parked, but had to keep moving when I saw the fire hydrant.  I remembered from the Oklahoma Driver Manuel that you're not supposed to block fire hydrants, and I was trying to not make matters worse.

So, after leading the police on a mile-long low-speed chase, I pulled to a stop just beyond the fire hydrant.  I remember I rolled down the window, but the cop suggested I get out of the car. Suddenly, I'm standing by a female cop while a few other cops investigate my car and one male cop (the first one to follow me) asks me questions.  I don't remember a lot of them, but I do recall him asking why I was speeding, why I was out so late, and why it took me so long to pull over. I probably said that I wasn't aware I was speeding.  I do know that I told him I was driving home from work, because he said I was out past curfew.  I also remember explaining that I had never been pulled over before, so I wasn't sure of the process.  In hindsight, I'm sure I came off as a total spazz.  Meanwhile, the other officers started leaving.  They gave the car a thorough search, but since it was my dad's car, they didn't find anything incriminating.  Haha, just a bunch of computer-related equipment and junk in the backseat.  No gun, no drugs, just a stupid teenage girl.

I ended up with a reckless driving ticket, however, I did get the distinct feeling that the main cop was very aggravated with me, and at the fact that the worst he could do to me was that reckless driving citation.  I wish I could remember what he said to me.

It's been 20 years since that night, and I've never done more than laugh about it in remembrance.  My dad has been known to tell the story while laughing and slapping his knee, like it's a family joke.  Don't get me wrong- it definitely is a family joke to us, and especially to my dad, but now I look back and think about how lucky I was.  I'm white. As white as it gets.  Blonde and blue.  I'm female.  20 years ago, I was a silly teenage girl-next-door.  At no time during this incident was I handcuffed or roughed-up or restrained in any way. I don't think I was body-searched. I was allowed to remain free-standing next to the female cop while the others searched the car.  The officers just kind of deflated when I stepped out of the car and revealed my teenage ditzy self.  My WHITE FEMALE teenage ditzy self.

Am I Supposed to Be Here??

(Haha, I love Clerks.)

So let's break this down, shall we? I've been thinking about natural selection as it applies to my life. 

Natural selection is "the process whereby organisms better adapted to their environment tend to survive and produce more offspring."

Enter technology, i.e. medical advances.  I should never have survived past infancy, and my body has continued trying to break me down my entire life, including being vastly mysterious to doctors.  My brain chemicals even joined the fight.  If it wasn't one thing, it was another.  Congenital heart defects (requiring surgery at 3 months old and 10 years old) would have taken me out before I turned one without medical intervention.  But let's talk about my mom- she had open heart surgery at age 12 or 13.  Would she have survived to get pregnant and birth me without fixing her heart condition? 

And then there's the MAJOR guilt I feel over having kids myself.  My youngest was born with the worst heart issues our family has ever seen.  He had his second heart surgery at 9 years old, and he might need another in the future.  Hell, so might I. 

My question is- at what point does this become unacceptable?  Should the government intervene in families like mine to stop us from progenating?  That's kind of extreme, but people like me really aren't strengthening the human race.  We are starting to be born without a tailbone or appendix or wisdom teeth.  We are evolving, so why am I here?  I'm just a defective model.

Pandemic 2020

So yeah, I am unraveling.  Not so slowly, either.  I'm going on day 12 of being quarantined.  That's 12 days since I last worked, 12 days since the kids have been in school, 12 days since my normal daily routine ended.  I am still being paid, even though my job is one that cannot be done from home. 

What is wrong with me? Why am I so depressed? Why am I not happy at being paid to play hooky?  Why am I having so much trouble reading, when that is one of my favorite things?

Why do I just want to sleep until it's all over?

I can't muster any energy or motivation. Not even for this.

2019 Books

2019 Books Read

I've used Goodreads to keep track and gather the stats.

Includes 5-star rating scale and some of my reviews.

Physical books: 19
Audiobooks: 32
22 fiction 
24 memoirs/biographies
4 other non-fiction
1 poetry collection

Physical Books

1. Bird Box by Josh Malerman, 5 stars
My review: Very quick read. Extremely suspenseful, it activated my imagination and conjured my worst fears.

2. Of Blood and Bone by Nora Roberts, 5 stars
My review: An excellent follow-up to Year One. I can't wait for the last of this trilogy to come out. A departure from the books NR is known for, this story is grander in scope, and dystopian in nature.

3. The Best of Us by Robyn Carr, 3 stars
My review: While I loved the story, I found the writing to be very stilted. I have read many books by this author, and this was the first that was not very well-written. Maybe it was rushed?

4. Untouchable by Jayne Ann Krentz, 5 stars
My review: Satisfying conclusion to the trilogy.

5. Connections in Death by JD Robb, 4 stars
My review: Nice continuation of the characters we love.

6. Watcher in the Woods by Kelley Armstrong, 5 stars

7. Tripping on a Halo by Alessandra Torre, 4 stars

8. To Make Monsters Out of Girls by Amanda Lovelace (poetry), 5 stars

9. The Bookshop on the Corner by Jenny Colgan, 5 stars

10. Storm Cursed by Patricia Briggs, 5 stars

11. The Amateurs by Liz Harmer, 4 stars

12. Under Currents by Nora Roberts, 4 stars

13. The Flatshare by Beth O'Leary, 5 stars
My review: Lovely book. Can't wait for the next.

14. Vendetta in Death by JD Robb, 4 stars

15.  Born in Ice by Nora Roberts, 4 stars

16. Meant to be Yours by Susan Mallery, 4 stars

17. The Shape of Night by Tess Gerritsen, 3 stars

18.  The Rise of Magicks by Nora Roberts, 4 stars

19.  Repercussions by Marion G. Harmon, 5 stars



Audiobooks

1. You're Never Weird on the Internet by Felicia Day, 4 stars

2. You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein, 4 stars

3. Invisible: How Young Women with Serious Health Issues Navigate Work, Relationships, and the Pressure to Seem Just Fine by  Michele Lent Hirsch, 5 stars

4. Brave by Rose McGowan, 4 stars

5. Riding the Elephant by Craig Ferguson, 4 stars

6. Dirty Daddy by Bob Saget, 4 stars

7. Born Standing Up by Steve Martin, 4 stars

8. Stories I Only Tell My Friends by Rob Lowe, 5 stars
My review: I never really thought about Rob Lowe, as I haven't seen the West Wing or many of his movies, but this book won me over. He is a very thoughtful, candid, talented, and funny dude. He does great impressions of other celebrities, which was a shock to me. I always considered him the straight man amongst hilarity. This book is definitely worth reading.

9. The Bassoon King by Rainn Wilson, 4 stars
My review: Fascinating individual.

10. Hillbilly Elegy by JD Vance, 5 stars
My review: Success story with considerable insight into a specific culture that many people overlook.

11. Nomadland by Jessica Bruder, 4 stars

12. Evicted by  Matthew Desmond, 5 stars

13. Maid by Stephanie Land, 5 stars
My review: Inspiring story and excellently written.

14. Bossypants by Tina Fey, 4 stars

15. Girl Walks Into a Bar by Rachel Dratch, 4 stars

16. Almost Interesting by David Spade, 5 stars

17. Sadie by Courtney Summers, 5 stars
My review: I listened to the audiobook, and it was excellent. Pretty good performance by the voice actors.

18. Lady Killers: Deadly Women Throughout History by Tori Telfer, 4 stars
My review: Informative and interesting.

19. Fat Vampire by Johnny B Truant, 4 stars

20. Tastes Like Chicken by Johnny B Truant, 4 stars

21. Why We Don't Suck by Denis Leary, 5 stars

22. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, 5 stars
My review: Best memoir I've ever heard. The author narrates it himself.

23. Ghost in the Wires: My Adventures as the World's Most Wanted Hacker by Kevin D Mitnick, 5 stars

24. Buseyisms by Gary Busey, 4 stars

25. As You Wish by Cary Elwes, 5 stars

26. Love Life by Rob Lowe, 5 stars

27.  Inside Out by Demi Moore, 5 stars

28.  Gwendy's Button Box by Stephen King, 4 stars

29. Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth, 5 stars
My review: Excellent storytelling. I felt as if I were there in London with the author. Incredible.

30.  Shrill by Lindy West, 4 stars

31.  I am C-3PO by Anthony Daniels, 4 stars

32. Dear Girls by Ali Wong, 5 stars