Can't sleep, may as well do this.

 Tonight, I am awake and not quite ready for bed.  My oldest son is snoring on the couch next to me. 

What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep, toss and turn, or get up and do something? 

First, I will try the tossing and turning to maybe find a more comfortable sleeping position and thus be able to go back to sleep.  However, that usually doesn't work, so I will get up and do something.  The "something" may involve a snack, the TV, the computer, or a book.  On a rare occasion, I might even do a chore like the dishes or laundry.

 What’s something you should throw away, but can’t?  Explain.

The first, most obvious item is my original marriage certificate and divorce decree from my first marriage.  I can't throw them away because I have to keep a record of it due to my name changes and identity thieves.  Also, my husband is a pack rat.  I would love to throw away all of his white underwear, his ugly green chair, and many other useless things.

 Who’s the smartest person you know?

Sometimes I think it's my dad, sometimes I just don't know.  Everyone is smart or talented in at least one area, so it's difficult to judge.  My dad is more math/science/logic smart.  My husband is more instinctual/street smart.  My brother is financially/business smart.  

 What’s something about yourself that you hope will change, but that probably never will?

I would love to stop being a procrastinator about finishing things I start.  I would also like to stop making snap decisions and following through immediately without thinking it through.  There has to be a middle ground, but I doubt I will ever find it.

 Are you a rule breaker or a rule keeper? Why?

 That depends on the situation.  I've broken laws such as buying cigarettes and alcohol for underage people, jaywalking, and speeding.  These days I like to follow rules that keep me out of jail for the most part, but I would break a rule if it was for a good cause.

Do you have a collection?  If so, what do you collect and why?
I have a lot of books.  I would call that a collection.  I try to read at least 2 books every week, and most of them are library books.  The collection of books I have are the ones that I like to read over and over and/or that have special meaning to me.

 Do you think the world will be better or worse 100 years from now?

Who really knows?  I'm going to take the optimistic view: I say that 100 years from now, we will have sufficiently harnessed the planet's natural energies, such as wind and solar power- AND that we rely on those natural power sources rather than the ones that cause pollution.  In this ideal world, all the countries get along and work together to ensure the future of mankind.  There will be easy solutions to today's serious medical diseases, such as forms of cancer, Hepatitis C, the common cold, diabetes, etc. Perhaps genetic manipulation would be allowed in some cases of babies in the womb with serious health issues.

 Have you ever wished you were the opposite sex?  Explain.

Yes, of course.  I have wished I were a man, but just for a day or two- no longer than a week.  I just want to know what it's like to have a penis and what I can do with it.  I have never met a female who has not wondered about this.  

To Hell with Tradition! (Oh, who am I kidding?)

Tradition

Every culture has traditions, every sub-culture has traditions, every FAMILY has traditions.  Some are wonderful, and some are a burden.

For example, I LOVE eating Easter breakfast at my Grandma's house.  My entire maternal family shows up, and we eat fried breakfast foods galore. Yummy.  It's the only day of the year that I enjoy waking up in the morning.  But here's the flip side: who does the cooking? For most of my life, it was my grandma.  For the last few years, it's been my mom.  Guess who's next in line if we want to keep this tradition alive? Moi, although it will hopefully not happen for a couple decades.    And I'll do it for the sake of my kids and keeping the family tradition (and secret recipe) alive.

And that is what I'm getting at.  The mantle eventually being passed to me.  When my parents are too old, I will most likely have to host Christmas and Thanksgiving at my house.  That's a lot of work.  My mom brought the reality home to me this season, because this year I have not been physically able to help her at all.  Christmas is today, and most of my extended maternal family will be at my parent's house to celebrate.  My mom has to do 95% of the cooking this year, plus make sure the house is clean and decorated and set up for several guests.  She is understandably upset with me right now, but we'll talk it out soon.

The fact of the matter is that I am not physically capable of doing much of anything right now, and it's at the point that my job is threatened and I'm on too many meds.  How am I supposed to cook several side dishes and desserts when both of my arms are in constant pain and partially frozen (due to a bad type of edema)?  And that's not even mentioning the other medical crap that is slowly but surely dragging me down.

I hope the edema is gone by next year, and I will make it up to my mom by cooking up a storm to ease her burden so she can relax a bit.  She does so much for me and my family, and she has her own health issues.  No matter what, we must carry on! We must keep the family traditions alive for my kids and future generations!

my love story

My Love Story

There is a song by Beck called “Debra” and it begins, “I met you at JC Penney . . .” It’s always been one of my favorite songs, ever since I found Beck’s music as a teenager- and in particular, the album Midnite Vultures.  If you want to listen to the actual song with an unofficial (but hilariously accurate) music video, here you go: 

Debra by Beck

So anyway, 2007 was a transition year for me, mostly full of strife and major life changes.  I had left a job I loved (Popeye’s on base) to work at JC Penney for less pay and even less reason.  The only good thing to come out of that year was meeting Troy.

I was hired as sales support, to eventually end up on the stocking team.  Troy was hired to be the receiver- the person who works on the dock receiving trucks.  We were both there before this particular store had its grand opening, and we helped bring it from an empty building space to a full store of merchandise.  Once the store was opened, we began our regular shifts.  We happened to have almost the same schedule, and we both had to start at 5 am or earlier each day. 

When Troy wasn’t busy receiving trucks, he helped my team stock.  I had a lot of fun with that team, joking around and having dirty discussions to embarrass the youngest team member.  Eventually- I really don’t remember how long it took- Troy and I began talking at work in the backroom as we opened boxes and prepared stuff to be stocked.  The whole team was around us, but I started making a point to work near Troy whenever possible.  If he was on the dock, I would come up with reasons to go back there- for example, to throw away trash and cardboard.  He was the person usually responsible for making bales when the baler was full, so I had him teach me how to do it. 

I don’t remember what we talked about at work, but eventually he gave me his phone number.  He knew I was going through some tough times, and he said I could call him if I needed to talk.  I think I called that same night.  We spent several nights talking on the phone for 8 hours straight- all night.  I would sit on the floor with my phone plugged into the charger.  I was 24 and he was 35 and we were acting like silly teenagers.

We began dating in the last week of September of 2007, and we moved in together in November.  I found out I was pregnant on my birthday, in February of 2008.  We were married in April of 2008 and Tyger was born that October.  Cougar was born in January of 2010. 

He is the only person- male or female- to get me to watch scary movies.  He has also introduced me to some of my now-favorite films, such as Full Metal Jacket, The Green Mile, and The Shawshank Redemption. 

For the curious, we bonded over several things, despite the 11-year age difference.  We both love 80s music and movies, for one thing.  Our song is even the theme song for The Breakfast Club.  We both felt like misfits, misunderstood by society.  We both have incurable diseases to compare notes and sympathize about- I know that one sounds bad, but we don’t care what other people think about it.  We are both naturally quiet, loner types until you get to know us.  We are both interested in crime- not committing it, but watching others and trying to understand it.  We like a lot of the same shows.  This may sound hokey, but we each felt a “click” when we met, like we were meant to be.

The Woman Code

Every human female of an age to understand she is a woman shall abide by the Woman Code.  Women have historically been perceived as the lesser gender, and been taken advantage of.  Our bodies may be weaker, but our minds are wilier.  We, as a pack, as a gender, are craftier and stronger in spirit than men realize.  Aren't we the life-bringers, the child rearers, the homemakers, the career women, the teachers, the lovers, the caretakers, and the defenders of our families?  We do it all because we are in an age where we must, and we women are the only ones who understand.  But some ancient ideas/rules hold true, and they shall be known here as the Woman Code.

- When we reach the age of dating, we do not steal each other's boyfriends or move in on a friend's interest.  As married adults, we do not wreck marriages by tempting otherwise loyal husbands to stray.  Sometimes relationships do not work out, and they do not need the added stress of cheating.  The mistresses/secret lovers defend themselves by saying that the wife/girlfriend should have kept her man interested and he wouldn't have strayed.  This may be true in some cases, but it is still WRONG to actively chase after an attached man.

- Women must never reveal their true power over men.  It is not sex, it is all in the mind.  A woman figures out her man pretty quickly, and knows how to get what she wants while making him think it was his idea.  However, this must be done delicately so that he never figures it out.

- The bond of sisterhood and friendship must be unbreakable even through long periods of no communication.  A woman may find her kindred spirit, and with that person she can pick up wherever they left off, however long it's been.  Meanwhile, shared secrets are sacred and promises are not to be broken.

- Women must stick together.  We are all we have against the tyranny of men.  There are many more men in power than women, so we must do what we can to make our voices heard.  We must get out and vote, hold our ground, speak our minds, and refuse to be silenced or ignored.  Sometimes it has to come down to chicks over dicks.


***this is a work in progress and I would appreciate any help . . . please comment below.***

The Bone Monster and me- my battle with myositis ossificans.

My Battle with the Bone Monster

Today I received all my medical records from my oral surgeon’s office.  I’ve been looking through them and discovering things I did not know and remembering things that make me want to cry even now. 

It all started in the summer of 2001, right before I started my senior year of high school.  I was 18 and I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out.  No biggie, right?  Yeah . . . that was the beginning of my battle with the bone monster, which is commonly referred to as myositis ossificans.  However, I was not properly diagnosed for five months, during which time I was tortured and underwent numerous tests and procedures.

Needless to say, I had a pretty crappy senior year, and no one could understand why I had to leave school early every Friday for a couple months.  The doctor was sedating me and "cranking" me every week.  This entailed the doctor putting me to sleep and using a crank to open my jaw.  

My friends could not sympathize. I went into a deep depression that continues to this day.

Within a month of having my wisdom teeth removed, my mouth opening had reduced to less than 1 cm.  The original doctor tried a few different medications and manipulations of my jaw, and I was eventually referred to my current oral surgeon, whom I call my favorite doctor of all time, Dr. Michael Duffy.

For those of you who are healthy and/or have never had a rare or undiagnosed disease, it is extremely disconcerting and emotionally draining to have your motives questioned as a patient.  One doctor in particular, I will call him Dr. Pain (for obvious reasons), believed the symptoms I was experiencing were psychosomatic.  Essentially, he was accusing me of making it up and clenching my jaw on purpose.  I will never forget one torture session, in which he forced my mouth open with tongue depressors and stuck something in it (a bite block?) to keep it open for an extended period of time.  I was crying and screaming and the nurses looked horrified.  To this day, I believe he caused me much unnecessary harm and definitely aggravated the disease.  I also blame him primarily for knocking out two of my teeth and giving me black eyes during a procedure that entailed two doctors, one on either side of me, cranking my jaw open on both sides at the same time.

Thankfully, Dr. Duffy did not believe my problem was psychological.  He was kind and patient and very smart.  In his notes, he says, “This is an unusual case, very unusual, very difficult and I’ve never seen anything like this in 30 years of practice.” He went on to consult with doctors all over America and do research back to 1966.

Essentially, I was found to have myositis ossificans affecting my coronoid, pterygoid, masseter, and temporalis muscles- all around my right jaw joint.  My opening closed to 2 mm at the worst point, and I could barely eat, could not brush the inside of my teeth, had difficulty speaking and laughing, and when I was sick I almost choked on my own vomit because my mouth just would not open.  I had to take a strong drug called Didronel for several months, which was supposed to stop all bone growth in my body and cost $200 a month.  At the time, this was an experiment, because no one had ever used this drug for this specific disease in this specific area of the body. 

Every surgery I had related to this disease is described in detail in Dr. Duffy’s notes.  He used phrases like “We got a huge chunk of bone out of there” and “It’s really impressive what has happened with her bone since we took her off Didronel . . . She’s laid down twice as much bone.”  Also, during the second major surgery I had for this condition, his notes say, “Once the mandible was exposed . . . low and behold the area of bony attachment was much wider, thicker, and greater than I thought.” During that surgery they took out a lot of bone and put in a titanium plate.

A couple years later, my opening was totally shut down again, requiring another major surgery. Doctor’s notes from that one included: “This was just unbelievable what had taken place. The [titanium] plate and screws had bone over it.  She had completely filled in our gap and then some . . . I had to grind the bone off of the plate and screws . . . we took off the first section and got a big huge piece of bone . . . I mean this was impressive. I’ve never seen anything like this and probably never will again.”  Yeah. They took everything out that time- all the muscles involved, the titanium plate, the bone, and my right jaw joint.  The theory was that now there should be nothing left for bone to grow on.

(Incidentally, this is when I began having my problems with painful swelling in various places after surgery, getting more severe with each surgery I had.  This problem has yet to be diagnosed, and it is going on 10 years.)

So fast forward 5 years from that last surgery to 2011.  A CT scan showed that I had not laid down any bone at all, and Dr. D thought I was ready for reconstruction of my jaw and joint.  I was ready, my insurance approved it, and it happened in November of 2011.  The point of this surgery was to fix my facial deformity, which was caused by the last surgery that removed the muscles and joint on the right side of my jaw.  Yes, it had opened my mouth to a point it had never been since I had my wisdom teeth out, but it also caused me to literally lose my smile and any symmetry in my face.  Deaf people could no longer read my lips (one deaf lady got furious with me, thinking I was mocking her). I was deeply depressed about my appearance.  During the reconstructive surgery, the right side of my jaw was fitted with a specially designed titanium plate, and I got a titanium right joint. The end result of the reconstructive surgery was okay, but I still can’t smile without looking deranged, my right eye leaks, and my right eyebrow can't arch.  At least I’m hinged again, although I used to love telling people I was unhinged. 

And this may not be the end of the story.  The Bone Monster could come back any time, and my titanium joint will eventually wear out. 

Also, on a sad note, Dr. Duffy is retiring next year.  He told me a couple months ago, and I burst out crying.  Right in front of him and his nurse.  I was inconsolable, even as I drove home, and I realized that this man, this wonderful, special, one-in-a-million doctor had become a fixture in my life and a father figure.  He has always been there for me when I needed him, and I will miss him dearly.

Just Chillin'

If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would it be? 

_____________________________________________________

I imagine I can include famous people and family I'd like to meet.  I will start will the famous ones:

The most obvious one who comes to mind is John Lennon.  I would probably be starstruck, but if I got over that bit I would just like to hang out with him for awhile.  Talk to him and maybe Yoko about life.

Piers Anthony- the author of many of my favorite books.  He is notoriously private, lives on a tree farm in Florida, and is well into his 70s.  I would LOVE to sit down with him and discuss science and religion and politics and what inspires him.

Laurell K. Hamilton- author of the Anita Blake series.  I would like to talk with her about her books, but also about love and belief systems and research.

I can't forget Jimmy Fallon, my favorite comedian, SNL alum, and late night host.  He seems like a genuinely nice guy who likes making people laugh.  If I met him, I would just like to have a random conversation and be an audience member on his show.

Some other famous people I wouldn't mind meeting are Micky Dolenz, Jennifer Crusie, Chelsea Clinton, Ani Difranco, Beck, and Susan Sarandon.  That I can think of right now, anyway.

I am very curious about my ancestry, and I would like to meet a bunch of my ancestors.  I want to know where they were during big moments of history, and I'd like to trace them as far back as the beginning of the line.  Were any of them influential or famous, or did any of them hobnob with history-makers?  I want to know what countries they came from, and why each of them decided to come to America, and when exactly that was.  What were the occupations of my ancestors?  What were they talented at?  What did they do for fun?  Did any of them live in a castle, keep, mud hut, or log cabin?

Not Kicking the Bucket

List things you want to do before you die.

1.     

Travel by car, bus, or train across America.  I’ve been to the East coast and the Northern and Southern borders, so I would like to make my way leisurely West to California first.  I would visit San Francisco and then start heading North, again at my own pace.  I’m sure if this trip were actually going to happen, I would do some research and stop at interesting places along the way.  I would go all the way to Seattle, just to check it out.  Then I’d head East, see Wyoming, and end up in Minnesota because I’ve never been to the Mall of America.  From there I would make my way to New York City, where I would visit Central Park for an entire day, and hopefully see a show on Broadway.  After that, I’d start heading back home because I’ve already been to Florida twice and New Orleans once.  I’d like to drive through some mountains at some point.  The whole point of this trip would be to relax and enjoy myself and not be in a hurry, in addition to exploring my country.

2.    Have a spa day. I’ve never been pampered.  I’ve never had a massage of any kind.  I’ve never had a pedicure.  I’ve never had any kind of treatments that spas offer.  I am 30, I work hard, I’ve birthed 2 kids, I’ve been through a lot of medical crap, and I think I deserve it.  BEFORE I die.

3.    I’d like to try hang-gliding or sky-diving or something similar.  Something to give me the feeling of flying.

4.    Visit Ireland for a month.  I want enough time to really explore on my own in addition to taking guided tours.  I want to sit in pubs and observe the locals.  I want to see castles and ruins.  I want to lie down on a green, green, field and watch the clouds.  I want to see all the little out-of-the-way places.

5.    I want to read all the books I possibly can.  My to-read list is already over 100, and I want to read them ALL.  The problem is that life interferes with my reading and I add more books to the list on a regular basis, so I can never catch up.  I feel like I need to read all the classics, in addition to all the other more modern books I’m interested in.

Winning isn't everything, and it is certainly NOT the only thing.

WINNING:
- Coming in first place in a competition, whether it be athletic or scholastic or poker.
- Earning a trophy, medal, or badge proclaiming victory.
- Succeeding in life, including completing goals such as earning a college degree and landing the ideal job.
- Meeting your soulmate, because there are literally billions of fish in the sea.
- Gambling successfully, like picking the right lottery numbers, or getting lucky at the nickel slots.

Those are some of many definitions of winning, and everyone likes to win.  Even me.  If you work hard at something, train your butt off, and seriously persevere, you deserve some recognition.  This is not like giving to charity- that should be a personal sense of satisfaction not to be bragged about.  I am talking about winning first place in a spelling bee or sporting event.  You deserve a trophy and some recognition of your skills.  The old and traditional first, second, and third place trophies or medals are a good system, so why are some people messing it up?

More and more kids are being brought up to expect an award for just showing up. Simply participating.  Should these kids get trophies?  I don't think so.  If they are working, striving, and dedicating their time to improving their skills and then they WIN a competition?  Yes.  Not every person deserves to be rewarded.  If you don't put in the time and you don't reach the top, you need to learn to work harder or find something to do that you are better at.  Rewarding everyone may be the "nice" thing to do, but it will make people lazy.  How many works of art or new inventions won't be created because people have become too complacent?

How do we teach our children to continuously strive for greatness?  Give them challenges.  Don't let them "win" everything until the word means nothing.  Make winning something to be celebrated because of all the work put into achieving it.  They must learn that everything in life must be earned, and not given to them on a silver platter.  Life is difficult, tricky, confusing, and a long road.  I personally learned this in the worst possible way, and I hope to prepare my boys for adult life better than I was prepared.  You really, really don't realize how good you had it until you leave the nest.

And then there is
LOSING:
- Finishing dead last in a competition.
- Dropping out of high school.
- Never setting or meeting life goals.
- The inability to sustain a lasting relationship.
- Losing money on gambling and not knowing when to quit.
- Breaking the law greater than a misdemeanor.

Nobody likes losing, but some people get stuck in a rut and get used to it.  Recidivism.  Yes, there are losers in life, just like there are winners.  It's a cycle, and all we can do as parents is to watch out for it and prepare for it.

The Personal Bit:
Due to my extreme shyness and zero athletic ability, I was always picked last to be on a team in PE in grade school.  Graceful, I was not.  Embarrassed, I certainly was.  In this particular area, I learned I was never going to be very skilled.  I was, however, able to develop coping mechanisms to get me through the torture of PE, and I was never given an award for my athletic abilities.  See?  An award for something I was NOT GOOD AT would have only confused me as a young kid.  I would have been happy to receive it, but eventually I'd wonder what I did to deserve it.

On the other hand, I made extremely good grades in school, and I read at least one book every day from first grade until I got my first job at age 16.  I became very skilled at playing the bass clarinet and piano, and won awards for the former- that is, until I gave it up.  I won a full academic scholarship for my first year of college.  I made the highest grade in my French class every year from 8th grade to 12th and got medals for that.  I got one of the highest ACT scores in my class.  There were many more academic honors, but I can't remember them all.

I hope that I can encourage my kids to find something they are good at.  I do not want to pressure them in any direction, but I will also instill that they must finish what they start.  They can experiment in sports, academics, or whatever else they want, as long as it is within reason financially.  I truly want them to each develop a certain skill to its fullest extent, whatever it may be.

Randomness is the spice of life

Are you the type of person who can eat at a restaurant or go to the movies alone?  Or do you always need someone by your side?  Explain.
I was a loner as a teenager, and when I got my first car at 16, I would go to fast food places and eat by myself while reading a book.  I still have no problem with that- as long as I have a book.  I've also been to a few movies by myself, but a couple of those experiences did not turn out well.  I don't like scary movies or any movies that have any scary elements, and I was beyond terrified when I saw my first R-rated movie.  I was alone and it was Scary Movie, which was supposed to be a parody of scary movies so I thought it would be fine.  Usually I turn to someone and grab them when I'm scared, but there was no one.  I toughed it out just to prove I could, although I did scream loudly a few times.  Years later, I went alone to see The Number 23, which was a Jim Carrey movie.  I knew it wasn't a comedy, but I did not know how dark and twisted it would be.  Scared the crap out of me with no one there to hold me. Again.  So now I prefer going to movies with my husband or family or a friend.  I will never go to another movie alone unless I am 100% sure it is a comedy or romance. 

Do you believe in ghosts?  Why or why not?
I used to believe in a lot of stuff, like ghosts and horoscopes and fate and heaven.  Now I'm not so sure.  I believe in very little these days.  I've never experienced a ghost.  I would have to have solid proof, as in seeing one for myself.

You just got a full scholarship to two colleges: one is in New York City, the other is in California.  Which one would you choose?  Explain.
There was a time when I was actually very good at playing the piano, and my instructor wanted me to go to a college in New York that offered a degree in musical therapy.  She thought I would be an excellent candidate to get the degree and then have a career going to hospitals and other places to play the piano as a healing instrument.  I really wish I had taken her (and my lessons) more seriously.  However, if all of that was not in the picture, I would choose California.  My reasons? The nicer weather, I've never been there, and I could see San Francisco finally.  On the other hand, I wouldn't need a car in NYC, and I could go see plays on Broadway and try to get on Jimmy Fallon.  Hmmmmm.

Some people enjoy getting compliments and some people feel embarrassed by them.  Which are you?  What are some compliments you get a lot?  Are there times when you get compliments and don’t believe them? Explain.

I used to get compliments all the time about my looks and intelligence.  Believe it or not, I was pretty when I was younger, and I was incredibly smart.  I never knew how to take a compliment, though.  Now, I get compliments on my cooking and customer service skills.  Sometimes a random person will compliment my car's bumper stickers or my kids' cuteness.  I try my best to just say thank you.  It's rare that I get positive comments on my appearance nowadays, so on those sporadic occurrences, I am very effusive in my thanking.

What are your bad habits? 

My husband would say it's picking my feet.  I pick at the soles of my feet, and I have ever since my son went through his struggle to live over 3 years ago.  I don't smoke and I rarely drink, so I guess it's a stress reliever.  I am almost always walking around on painful, bleeding, torn-up feet.  My reasoning used to be that my son was hurting, so I should, too.  It didn't help that I blamed myself for his medical problems.  The constant pain reminds me and shames me.

What do you do to let others know you love them?

I tell my husband and kids several times a day that I love them.  I also kiss and hug my kids whenever they will let me.  Everyone else, I have to write to or cook for.  I don't remember much about growing up, but I recall never telling my family I loved them and hardly ever hugged anyone.  It's strange.  I have always had a difficult time showing people affection- with the notable exception of my male friends.  When I think about it, I love many people who may not be aware of it because I don't know how to show it unless you give me paper and pen or knowledge of your favorite desserts.

I love Mental Floss!!

 From my favorite magazine, Mental Floss, comes several interesting facts:

Separated into categories for my convenience:
Teeth
*The cotton candy machine was invented by a dentist.

*35% of people are born without wisdom teeth, and as we continue to evolve, scientists believe fewer and fewer humans will be born with wisdom teeth, or appendixes, or little toes.

Caffeine
*The APA's DSM-V handbook classifies caffeine withdrawal as a mental disorder.

*Colgate-Palmolive has a patent on a toothbrush that can administer caffeine.

Music
*Recent neuroscience research shows that your musical preferences are established by the time you turn 14.

*After analyzing Billboard archives, researchers found that songs about love stay on the charts for an average of 9.4 weeks and songs that don't involve love last 11.4 weeks.

Left-handedness
*Left-handed people see better underwater than righties.

*Although left-handed people make up only 10% of the population, 20% of all schizophrenics are left-handed.

Interesting foreign country facts
*In 1879, a Belgian village attempted to train a fleet of 37 official mail cats to deliver letters.

*The most common toilet paper color in France is pink.

*Japan and Russia still haven't signed a treaty to officially end World War 2.

*In 2011, the Bombay High Court ruled that astrology was a "trusted science," putting it on the same level as physics and chemistry.

*Bhutan has never been conquered or governed by an outside power. Their government uses Gross National Happiness as a way to measure quality of life.

*The national animal of Scotland is the unicorn.

Famous People
*Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr was given a perpetual supply of beer piped into his house.

*According to Stephen Hawking, if the world population increases at its current rate, by 2600 we will be standing shoulder to shoulder and we would consume so much energy that the Earth would glow red-hot.

*"Hello" wasn't a common greeting until the invention of the telephone. Thomas Edison convinced the printers of the first phone books to make it the sanctioned greeting. Alexander Graham Bell disagreed, and pushed for "Ahoy!"

*Teddy Roosevelt was famously given his own floor at a Washington hospital- not because he was the president, but because he was snoring so loudly.

*Jackie Chan claims he was in his mother's womb for 12 months.

Marriage
*The best man's original purpose was to serve as an accomplice in case the bride needed to be kidnapped from disapproving parents.

*The bridesmaid tradition started because people believed that dressing everyone in the same clothes would confuse evil spirits.

*In 2006, a Sudanese man made international news when he was forced to marry a goat- her name was Rose.

Random
*The most shoplifted food item in the US is candy, in Europe- cheese, and in Latin America- meat.

*The 1967 Outer Space Treaty forbids any nation from trying to own the moon.

*The Monopoly tokens that have been replaced are: the iron, the lantern, the rocking horse, the elephant, and the purse.

*Women with higher-pitched voices tend to be more fertile.

*Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift apart.

*Male caimans dance to impress potential mates.

*Tug-of-war, live pigeon shooting, and painting used to be Olympic events.

*Ancient Romans used an herb called silphium as birth control; it was so popular that the herb went extinct.

*Yawning is so contagious that it can spread to dogs and monkeys.

*In 1726, an Englishwoman named Mary Toft convinced a number of prominent British doctors that she was giving birth to rabbits.

*In the 1960s, the CIA launched Project Acoustic Kitty, a furtive attempt to equip cats with recording devices to spy on Soviet embassies. After $20 million was spent on the project, the prototype feline was hit by a taxicab.


Feel free to renew my subscription, anyone!!!!  Best magazine ever!!!!

Arabic, anyone?

If you had to pick one foreign language that all students were required to learn in school, what would it be?
Well, I live in America where the unofficial language is English.  Below America is Mexico, where they speak Spanish.  Above America is Canada, where they have two official languages- French and English.  I chose to learn French in school, but despite 6 years of French classes, I cannot remember much.  I do like the language, though- it sounds nice and flowy. 

So I just did a google search and came up with a list of the top 10 most spoken languages in the world

1. Mandarin, with more than 1 billion speakers, but very difficult to learn.
2. English, about 508 million speakers, but it's the official language of more countries than any other language.
3. Hindustani, 497 million, language of India. Namaste.
4. Spanish, 392 million speakers. Has influenced English. Hola.
5. Russian, 277 million, and to say “hello” in Russian, say “Zdravstvuite” (ZDRAST-vet-yah).
6. Arabic, 246 million, one of the oldest languages and mostly spoken in the Middle East.
7. Bengali, 211 million, language of Bangladesh.
8. Portuguese, 191 million, spoken in many countries, national language of Brazil.
9. Malay-Indonesian, 159 million.
10. French, 129 million. Spoken in lots of countries and has influenced English.  Bonjour.

It would make sense to me to have American children study the most-spoken language in the world- but it just happens to be Mandarin, and it is way too difficult to be worth the effort.  Learning any second language fluently opens the mind to learn more languages easier, so I would start American students on Spanish and/or French.  My reasoning: a) we are already doing this in most schools, b) these two languages are the closest to our country's borders, and c) they both share many words with English and are easier for kids to pick up.

I also believe we need to put more stress on learning a second language.  Schools should make it mandatory to pick one language and study it every semester until graduation.  No more messing around, no more firing foreign-language teachers, and no more putting this issue on the back burner.  Learning a foreign language helps the brain in the same way learning to read music does.  When the education system has a firm policy on this, perhaps other languages could be offered to those students who are interested and/or extra talented.  I'd like to see Arabic taught in our schools, and maybe some very enterprising students could attempt Mandarin.

I really think America is being very slow and stupid and behind the times.  Our student's test scores are consistently below other countries'.  I look back at some of my junior high and high school classes and think it's a wonder I learned anything at all. And yet I was a mostly-A student.  Something is broken in the system.

ideal sex ed

If you could decide exactly how, when, and where your children would learn sex education, what would you consider to be ideal?

In today's world, they will learn something about it by the time they reach first grade.  I did, and that was back in the 1980s.  But I think I didn't really understand until I asked my mom what a virgin was when I was 10, after watching an episode of 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.'  She was put on the spot, and had to explain the basics to me.  That was not an ideal situation.  Also, where I went to school, we had absolutely NO sex ed classes. Ever.  We had a little demonstration and video about menstruation in 5th grade (only the girls), and a kind of large mandatory forum of many schools put into one auditorium to talk about abstinence and STDs- in 11th grade, for one day, and NOT coed. It was clearly a scare tactic, and much too late.  I knew several girls who were already having regular sex with their boyfriends, and even one pregnant classmate.  There was no explaining about sex beyond the basic mechanics, no passing out of condoms or practical advice on how to avoid unwanted sexual encounters.  I know that my friends and I viewed that day as a field trip, or a free get-out-of-school day.  Personally, everything I knew about sex at that time was learned from my grandma's dirty Harlequins.

For my kids, I would like there to be a section in their biology class that focuses on reproduction and takes about a week to get through.  I would like this to happen in middle school.  I would also expect condoms and birth control to be explained and encouraged.  And to drive the point home, I would like them to have to watch several graphic videos of women giving birth, presentations about the realities of STDs as told by real people, and maybe one HIV-positive person.  I do not want the subject of sex to be glossed over or skipped completely.  I would like all the options discussed, including the reality that sexual situations will soon be presenting themselves, if they aren't already.  I want them to know what to do in a situation that they do not want to have sex, and in a situation that they do want to. I do not want them to feel ashamed of their bodies or unprepared. 

In addition, I'd like there to be a mandatory sex ed class in their first year of high school, just to reinforce the information.  And when they start dating, I will provide them condoms- JUST IN CASE.  I will stress that they should not feel pressured to do anything they don't want to do, because I know that girls can be as forceful and horny as boys but also that sometimes the attraction is not mutual.  I don't want them to sexually active so early, but I know that it will happen- so I'll be prepared.  If they have a girl over to "study," the bedroom door will be fully open.  They will have curfews when they go on dates.

customer service stories

So, I may have mentioned this before, but I have worked retail since I was 16- with the exception of a 3 month temp job at Fabricut warehouse (where I located, cut, folded, serged, and shipped out fabric samples) and a doomed one month as an order puller at a Hobby Lobby warehouse (where I worked on a line filling boxes with items such as fake flowers and Valentine candy in December).  Under the umbrella of "retail," I include any job that entails interaction with the public: fast food positions, supermarkets, department stores, door-to-door sales, etc.

I worked at a popular fast food restaurant on a military base for over a year.  This was a very interesting job because a great portion of the customers wore their military uniforms and some carried weapons. I was supposed to call each customer by their rank as it appeared on their uniforms, but I could never remember how many stripes meant which ranks.  I called everyone sir or ma'am to be safe.  John Cena came on base on a day that I was working, and so did Chris Brown.  The lines from the store where the stars were situated stretched all the way outside.  People waited for hours . . . and Chris Brown left after appearing for only one hour, upsetting the people in the long line.

I am currently a greeting card merchandiser.  Recently, I was on my knees reaching under a card cabinet, when an old man (older than 60) stopped next to me.  I looked up at him, and he handed me a dime.  I was surprised but polite, and said, "Thank you! I love dimes!"  To which he replied, "I give a dime to every woman who gets on her knees in front of me."  I was flummoxed, not knowing what to say to that.  So after a pause, I started laughing. 
On a related note, people like to hide items behind my greeting cards.  Empty condom boxes, empty battery packs, used lipstick, empty pregnancy test boxes, etc.  Evidence of stealing.  You get the idea.  The manager at one of my stores told me she regularly finds used condoms in the bathroom.

Of all the Walmarts I've worked at, the longest time spent was at the first one.  This was a place where women were given raises for sleeping with the assistant managers and loaded unpaid-for baskets were allowed to walk out the front door without any form of intervention at night.  There were many nights (from 10 pm to 7 am) when I was left alone to man the cash registers, self-checkouts, and customer service desk.  A common scam teenagers pulled on me was to call the customer service phone so that I would be out of sight of the front door, and keep me on the phone long enough for her friends to walk out the door with a bunch of merchandise.  I also witnessed many many many people cheating the self-checkouts, which I was usually in charge of when I worked the day shift.  These particular self-checkouts had long belts and a long space between the scanner and the bagging area.  That did not stop families from forming a chain of children to furtively pass expensive items down the line and into the bags, and teenagers from trying to buy beer- thinking we didn't check IDs at the self-checkouts.  I had a few foreign people try to confuse me by saying it was legal to drink in their country, and they'd show me passports and IDs in other languages.  I'd have to tell them that they were currently in America where we are uncool, and they'd suddenly pretend to not understand me.  Sigh.

Money savers

How to Save Money in My City

I have done some work for fellow mdub and surrounding area dwellers.  This research is due to my extensive work in retail, tips from my mom, and my own shopping experiences.

1. a) I will start with what I know best- greeting cards.  If you must buy a greeting card, the cheapest places are Dollar Tree (where cards are 50 cents or a dollar) and Dollar General (where the exact same cards are the exact time prices, with the notable addition of sound cards for $2.50- $3.50). However, while some of these cards are of decent quality, I would only recommend them to people who expect them to be thrown away.
b) Big Lots offers better quality cards at 25% off.  These are my personal favorite, because of the creativity and craftsmanship.  They are worth the extra expense, in my opinion, especially if you think the receiver of the card will appreciate it.
c) Select Walmarts offer American Greetings cards at 10% off. The great thing about this is that they always have a 4-foot 47-cent to 97-cent section of decent cards for the cheap-minded.  My favorite section, however, is the 4-foot RPG selection of mostly funny cards that are made of recycled materials.  When a card makes me laugh out loud, that's a keeper.
d) Target offers very nice quality cards for every occasion you can think of.  When I have the extra dough and a good enough reason, I'll always spring for a card from Target.

2. The commissary on base has the best prices on spice packets, canned ravioli and spaghettios, shredded cheese, and reduced price meat, in addition to a clearance corner.

3.  If you are grocery shopping and you can't get into the commissary, go to Crest.  They are much cheaper than Walmart on most items. Soda- of all brands- is usually on sale, bottled water is a steal, they have Watonga cheese curds, the shopping carts can fit two kids in the front, the hamburger patties are the best quality, and they have the biggest selection and best prices on frozen pizza.

4. Walmart- the best deals at Walmart are always the off-brand labels.  Equate, Sam's Choice, etc. Medicine is cheapest here, diapers and off-brand Pediasure are cheapest here.  Clothes, shoes, toys, and electronics are cheapest here, especially if you look in the clearance sections.

5. Books- The Half-Price bookstore is your best bet for the biggest variety of used books and good prices.  Dollar General always has one rack of books that range in price from $1 to $5, and they are all paperbacks, but sometimes you can find a really good book there.

6. One last tip that a surprising number of people don't know: Holiday-themed  items are priced at least 50% off the day after the holiday.  This begins at midnight at 24-hour stores.  I hit Walmart every year the day after Halloween for cool panties and cheap candy.

for my mom

October, 2013.

Dear Mom,

          You are 53 this year.  Congratulations on making it this far without your hair turning gray or having to use a wheelchair!  You have been through so much, and yet you are still ticking.  I had this brilliant idea to make a list of 53 things I love about you, but dang, that’s just too much.  I made it to number 16 and called it quits.  Not because there aren’t 53 things to love about you, but because I wanted them all to be meaningful.  Not that you don’t have 53 meaningful qualities, but anyway . . . I decided to put this in letter format and to add fun stuff at the end.

          First of all, I am ever so grateful you picked my dad as your life-mate.  You gave him a second chance to win your heart, and I am happy you did.  I can’t imagine you being married to anyone else.  I also can’t imagine any other man being as patient, steady, handy, and dependable (with a dash of orneriness) - and that is what you needed.  So thank you for choosing Dad.

          Also, and this must be said, thanks for giving birth to me.  I know you didn’t have to, and I know you had just been through considerable pain and suffering and heartache.  Now that I am a mom myself, I understand how difficult it is to choose to have children when you know they may be born with serious defects.  I feel absolutely certain that I owe not just my existence, but my continued survival to you.  You loved me when you weren’t sure if I would live.  You cared for me after each operation or procedure.  You were always there for me, and without you I would not be here today. 

          Along those lines, thanks for choosing to have another child after me.  I know Greg and I fought most of the time and even hated each other at times, but it was good to have someone to grow up with.  We ended up being friends, and no one gets you as well as a sibling.  No one else has those childhood memories. 

          As for teaching me as I grew up, you did everything.  You taught me about my period, and showed me how to wash my panties in the sink if blood got on them.  You taught me to cook, and that is a valuable life skill.  You taught me how to French braid, how to use a curling iron, paint my nails, put on makeup, etc.  A lot of girls do not have mothers to teach them these things.  Here’s something else: you taught me how to separate groceries on the belt when you’re checking out: meat in one section, dairy in another, frozen over here, produce over there, etc.  You would be surprised how many people do not do that.  It’s such a simple thing, and it makes it easier on the cashier and bagger, and also on the person who unpacks the groceries at home. And hey, you also made me wear a bra even when I didn’t need to- you remember the whole nipple issue.  So thanks for molding me into the woman I am today.

          I don’t remember who introduced me to reading, but I do know that you were the one who encouraged it the most.  You really helped nourish my soul with books.  I do not know what kind of person I would be without my passion for reading.  I don’t know how I could have gotten past some difficult and/or painful ordeals in my life without the escape books offered.

          You gave me my excellent taste in music. First, by putting on 70s records like the Bee Gees and Abba on Saturday house cleaning days when I was little, and later by taking me to my first concert.  You basically created my obsession with the Monkees and my deep appreciation of the Beatles.  To this day, I prefer some good funky 70s music to anything else- I mean, there were A LOT of Saturday house cleaning days while I was growing up.  It’s in my blood now.  You also taught me the electric slide, which remains my favorite dance.  Speaking of dancing, you are a natural.  You pick up steps faster than me, and you look better doing it. 

          I would say that you are my best friend.  My husband is, too, but the mother-daughter relationship we have is different from the spousal relationship.  I believe I can tell you anything if I can just work up the nerve.  You probably know 99% of everything there is to know about me.  I usually love spending time just sitting and talking to you- I say “usually” because there are way too many times when one or both of us is too sick or in pain to enjoy anything.  You are always there for me, and I hope you know that I am always here for you.  I may grumble, but you must know that I truly want to help when I can.

          You are strong.  You are a warrior.  You have been through life obstacles of all sorts, and you always pull through.  You have survived loss of a magnitude that I cannot even fathom as a mother.  You went through heart surgery, kidney stones, and breast reduction as a teenager.  You suffered a wasp caught in your panty hose at school, and getting your period on Halloween.  You made it through these mortifying incidents, and shared them with me so that I could learn.  You had some kind of knee surgery and had to stay lying down, but you still managed to throw me a birthday party from the couch.  You had two aneurisms is your spleen, and it was accidentally discovered by a thorough technician who was checking for something else entirely.  You have back problems and continuing kidney stones and who knows what else.  And yet you still go on living your life.  You can be very happy, and when you are, everyone knows it.  Your laugh is very distinctive and unapologetic, and I love it.  You are an inspiration. 

You are creative when you don’t have to be.  You could so easily slip into empty-nest housewife mode and watch TV, sleep, and drink all day.  Instead, you keep up with the housework while designing and making jewelry and other crafts.  You let your creative side out, and you make money doing it.  On top of that, you are also creative in the kitchen, experimenting with different dishes to try on Dad for supper or new recipes for pies or other dessert items for the holidays.  I honestly do not know how you do it.

You are a wonderful grandma.  You have totally opened your heart to include 3 precious grandchildren.  I entrusted you with the care of my first baby when he was only 4 weeks old and I had to go back to work.  At first it was difficult, but now I know without a doubt that you can take care of my kids. Tyger and Cougar absolutely love you, and they think going to Grandma’s house is the best treat ever.  You give them the attention they need, and you spoil them rotten.  You have even managed to keep up a bond with your granddaughter, even though she moved a few states away.  The kids just adore you.

Well, to make a long story short- I am lucky to have you as my mom.  You are truly the best mom ever, and an inspiration as a woman.  I love you with all my heart, Mom.

I need to let this go

Why is high school on my mind nearly 11 years later?

I find myself thinking about stereotypes, and cliques, and clubs, and dating, and sports, and teachers . . .

Let me begin by bringing up this classic 80s movie about high school:

These high school kids were labeled as the brain, the jock, the basket case, the criminal, and the princess.  I can remember many classmates fitting into some of those neat boxes, but I also remember other classifications that existed at my school.  For example, I had a close friend who was an out and proud lesbian.  I knew a girl who got pregnant in senior year.  There were Goths and there were the cheerleaders.  I, myself, was both a loner and a basket case, with some brain mixed in. I attended every football game from 8^th grade until 11^th grade as a member of the school band.  I was in the band, but never felt like I belonged.  I remember eating lunch while sitting in the hallway reading a book.  It’s really hard to pigeonhole people with only 5 options. 

 

Some teachers stand out in my mind, like my one-legged American History teacher who gave me my first C ever.  And then there’s my French teacher, who taught my French class all through high school.  She was the nicest lady, and made me want to become a French teacher.  That was even the first major I picked in college.  On the difficult side, there was my band instructor, who taught my class 7^th grade through 12^th grade.  He expected perfection from all of the band members, was prone to swearing and throwing things, made many incorrect assumptions about us students, and gave self-righteous speeches on the fly. He played favorites, and through my experiences with him, I learned that I am not an ass-kisser. 

Another large part of my high school experience was dating and mooning over boys.  I had a boyfriend for 5 months in 11^th grade, and I spent so much time talking to him on the phone at night that I hardly ever did my trigonometry homework.  That’s when I received my second (and last) C ever.  The quote I chose for my senior yearbook was “I have had a crush on every single guy in my class.”  That’s really telling; my hormones were out of control, and yet I remained mostly a loner and too shy to approach any of my crushes.

I think my point is that I was pretty miserable in school. Full of angst, hormones, social anxiety, and depression.  I was never invited to a single party and never offered any drugs.  I mostly stayed home and read books when I wasn’t working a part-time job.  I feel like I missed out on a huge chunk of the high school experience, and I can’t help but dwell on it sometimes.

brand reviews

Brand Loyalty

First of all, I would like to state that I use mostly generic brand products because they are cheaper, but also because many times the ingredients are the same as the more popular brands.  Even so, I do have some favorite brands, and I will explain my reasoning for each one.

Apple vs. Microsoft:  I am a Microsoft fan all the way.  I grew up (starting around age 10) with computers my dad built, and they all used the Windows operating system.  I have used all the Windows versions from Windows 3.1 to Windows 8.  I even chose to have a cell phone that uses Windows 7 instead of getting an iPhone.  I have always found Windows easier to operate than Macintosh/Apple systems, and my phone is super easy to work and has all the features I wanted. 

Nintendo vs. Playstation: I much prefer Nintendo systems when I have a chance to game.  I grew up watching my brother play most of the Nintendo systems, and then the Xbox.  I own a Nintendo DS, even though I haven’t had time to play it in a few years.  I have tried playing a couple of Playstation systems, and I find the controllers to be very confusing with all the different shapes on the buttons and such.  I prefer the simplicity and ease of the Nintendo controllers.

Kotex vs. Tampax and all other pad/tampon brands: I have used all the available brands on the market, and I have consistently found that Kotex is the best.  The Kotex tampons are much easier to operate than Tampax because of the shape and grip.  Kotex pads are more reliable than Always pads because you can trust the wings to stay in place.  Generic brands are generally sub-par, but I will use them if I must, and if they are similar to Kotex.

Campbell’s soup: Okay, I only eat one soup, and that is Campbell’s chicken noodle soup.  I’ve tried off-brands, but they do not taste the same.  There is nothing like some good chicken noodle soup when you’re feeling sick.

Chef Boyardee: I love mini ravioli, and I only buy this brand- again, because it tastes the best. 

All brand laundry detergent: I’ve used many brands, but I find All’s frangrance-free liquid detergent to be the best for my family’s needs. It is also not expensive.

Sunbelt granola bars: These granola bars are the best quality for the money.  They taste better than other brands and they are priced reasonably.  I love that they are chewy rather than crunchy.

Ritz crackers: There is just something about the texture of the cracker that tastes soooooo good.  When I buy peanut butter crackers, I always buy this brand. They melt in your mouth, unlike some other brands that are more difficult to swallow.

So I do have loyalty to some brands, but I always buy whatever is cheapest in all other areas: toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, spaghetti noodles, spices and seasoning mixes, milk, cheese, bread, frozen pizza, magazines, clothes (I shop at Goodwill), tomato sauce, canned and frozen veggies, cookie dough, flour, sugar, cooking oil, batteries, syrup, candy, juice, etc.