I need to let this go

Why is high school on my mind nearly 11 years later?

I find myself thinking about stereotypes, and cliques, and clubs, and dating, and sports, and teachers . . .

Let me begin by bringing up this classic 80s movie about high school:

These high school kids were labeled as the brain, the jock, the basket case, the criminal, and the princess.  I can remember many classmates fitting into some of those neat boxes, but I also remember other classifications that existed at my school.  For example, I had a close friend who was an out and proud lesbian.  I knew a girl who got pregnant in senior year.  There were Goths and there were the cheerleaders.  I, myself, was both a loner and a basket case, with some brain mixed in. I attended every football game from 8^th grade until 11^th grade as a member of the school band.  I was in the band, but never felt like I belonged.  I remember eating lunch while sitting in the hallway reading a book.  It’s really hard to pigeonhole people with only 5 options. 

 

Some teachers stand out in my mind, like my one-legged American History teacher who gave me my first C ever.  And then there’s my French teacher, who taught my French class all through high school.  She was the nicest lady, and made me want to become a French teacher.  That was even the first major I picked in college.  On the difficult side, there was my band instructor, who taught my class 7^th grade through 12^th grade.  He expected perfection from all of the band members, was prone to swearing and throwing things, made many incorrect assumptions about us students, and gave self-righteous speeches on the fly. He played favorites, and through my experiences with him, I learned that I am not an ass-kisser. 

Another large part of my high school experience was dating and mooning over boys.  I had a boyfriend for 5 months in 11^th grade, and I spent so much time talking to him on the phone at night that I hardly ever did my trigonometry homework.  That’s when I received my second (and last) C ever.  The quote I chose for my senior yearbook was “I have had a crush on every single guy in my class.”  That’s really telling; my hormones were out of control, and yet I remained mostly a loner and too shy to approach any of my crushes.

I think my point is that I was pretty miserable in school. Full of angst, hormones, social anxiety, and depression.  I was never invited to a single party and never offered any drugs.  I mostly stayed home and read books when I wasn’t working a part-time job.  I feel like I missed out on a huge chunk of the high school experience, and I can’t help but dwell on it sometimes.