EIC

Earned Income Credit

Oil changes

Any auto repair

Dental work

Vision checkups/glasses

Any home repair

Appliance replacements

These are some of the things that many Americans can only afford once a year. Your brakes are squealing, you shred a tire, your engine won’t start? Haha, good luck with that.  You better hope it’s February, or you’ll be walking to work.   You have a toothache? That’s too bad.  You are having trouble reading road signs and you squint all the time? That’s interesting.  Your house needs a new roof? Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.  Is anything at all broken inside your house? Stove, refrigerator, washing machine?

Well. I hope for your sake that you’ve filed your income taxes, because the only way you are going to be able to afford to alleviate any of these problems is with your tax refund.  That is, if you are a member of the working poor.  If you do not live paycheck to paycheck, count yourself lucky.  Having the ability to save money is a major weight off your shoulders. 

I imagine my life without the EIC, and it’s scary because now I have to think about my kids.  Before I had kids, before I qualified for EIC, I didn’t have the same worries.  Now I have to hope that it’s February if anything breaks in the house, or if a vehicle needs work.  I hope the kids can time their toothaches to tax season.  

what is with this nontraditional shit?

What the hell does “nontraditional” mean?

I wouldn’t know. I was raised very traditionally.  I had one mom and one dad.  I even had the requisite sibling to grow up with. My parents stayed married, and now I believe they are heading to their 37^th anniversary. Growing up, we celebrated most American Christian holidays, such as New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, The 4^th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  We did not celebrate April Fool’s Day, and please do not ask us why.

I remember get-togethers with my dad’s side of the family, and get-togethers with my mom’s side.  While there were some differences, the common theme was always food.  In particular at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I would expect to see a large spread of traditional foods. Turkey, ham, stuffing, rolls, some veggie casserole, mashed potatoes, gravy, and pies. As I became a teenager, my mom let me help her cook whatever she needed if she was hosting the family holiday dinner.  As an adult living on my own, I am expected to bring either a side dish or a pie.

And I am a damn good cook, so if you invite me to some gathering involving food, you don’t have to worry because I will bring at least one food item.  That is just the way I was raised.  VERY traditionally, in every way you can imagine.

I was the oldest surviving child, and I was a girl.  My parents tried to mold me into a well-rounded kid, but I don’t think the ballet lessons, the Brownies, or the piano lessons really helped me at all.  The best thing my mom ever did for me was take me to the library.  All I needed was books.

But I digress.  In elementary school, I made mostly A’s because that is what my parents expected of me. In junior high, I joined the school band, mostly under pressure from my mom because she already had a clarinet. AND because they wanted me to have an extra-curricular activity.  In 9^th grade, I turned 16, got a job at Dairy Queen, and got a 1993 Ford wagon. 

Because that was very traditional in my family. You know, turn 16, get a job in fast food, get a car.  I did everything my parents wanted me to do.  I didn’t even start dating until I was almost 18, and I even did that in a traditional way.  Hell, I ended up engaged to be married in all four of the major relationships I had. Tradition. There were, of course, some guys who gave me what I wanted and then left, so I don’t count them. Damn, what I would do for the body I had back then . . .

Anyway, I am currently married to husband #2 and we have 2 kids.  The man supports the family, while I do what I can with my part-time job. I am the main caregiver, the one who feeds them, takes them to the doctor, and gives meds and snuggles when they are sick.  So some parts of my life are very traditional.

But back to my point, which is- WHAT the HELL is a nontraditional holiday family dinner get-together?  I’m confused. I baked a cherry pie to bring, and I hope that’s not too traditional for these people.

Elementary school is hard, y'all

                                         Elementary school ain’t no joke

          I must say that I remember kindergarten as being a time of coloring, playing, snacking, napping, and MAYBE learning the alphabet.  It was a simpler time, when you could play the morning away before your mom came to get you around noon.  That’s right, back in my day kindergarten was only half a day.  I have a kindergartener and a first-grader now, and they spend from 8:45 am to 3:45 pm in school every day.

          As for playing in school, or spending all day coloring- forget it! The kindergarten teacher has a color-coded behavior system: red means bad, yellow means the kid was sorta bad, and green is good.  Now let’s talk about Cougar, my kindergartener.  He is the class clown, as described by his teacher.  You can probably imagine that he brings home lots of yellows and reds.  The reasons are sometimes written in his folder, and sometimes not.  The written ones from last week’s red days said, “playing and throwing his hat around” and “howling during the 2^nd grade play.”  During the last parent-teacher conference, the teacher told me that all the kids love Cougar, and Cougar loves all the kids.  He gives everyone hugs and plays with everybody.  He’s very inclusive.  HOWEVER, being the class clown means that he is forever getting into trouble for not following directions or for not listening.  As far as his schoolwork goes, he doesn’t care too much about it yet.  He has only learned 50 out of the 100+ sight words he is expected to learn, and he can’t really read yet.  He knows his alphabet and can count to 100, but that’s about it for him.  He can write his name and some easy words, but again, that’s it.  He has homework twice a week.  That’s right- my KINDERGARTENER has to do homework.  Wednesday is always reading homework because he is expected to be able to read with some fluency by the time he hits first grade!  I can’t believe this myself. I think kindergarten should be more about learning through play, and NOT about pressuring these poor kids to read before they are ready.  I didn’t even begin learning to read until first grade.

          Now don’t get me started on first grade! I’m super lucky to have my smartypants son Tyger in first grade right now, because first grade is TOUGH now. They do not have a color-coded behavior system, and they don’t have snack time.   They are expected to have learned to read in kindergarten, so they start right away with spelling words, reading tests, and math problems.  Tyger usually has spelling, reading, and math homework every week.  I don’t have to worry so much about Tyger, because he’s been reading since he was 2, and he does multiplication tables for fun while the other kids are still adding and subtracting.  He goes to a special smartypants class every Thursday called ACE, where hopefully his brain is stretched, but in reality he says he just plays on computers.  Tyger has been described by his teachers as quiet and reserved, with just a few friends. He is super smart, so the classwork is boring him, but his teacher assures me that 2^nd grade will be a bigger challenge for him.  

Just a few things

Where you wish you were

I wish I was a hermit, living up in a mountain somewhere.  One of the Appalachian mountains.  I would like my dwelling to be part of the mountain, camouflaged unless you know where to look.  Because of course there must be a path down off the mountain, so that I can buy supplies and take care of any business. I would live in my part of the mountain in a cabin with floor-to-ceiling reinforced, bullet-proof windows (with camo curtains) and solar panels for energy.  I don't care if this sounds unlikely or impractical- this is my fantasy.  The cabin would have 3 rooms: one for cooking, eating, and relaxing, one for bed time, and one bathroom. In the first two rooms, there would be built-in bookcases full of all my favorite books and new ones I've yet to read.


The one thing you're most ashamed of

I am most ashamed of my first marriage.  I'm ashamed mostly because of the cost of the wedding that fell to my parents, and for failing at the marriage in the end.  I am ashamed that I believed so deeply in a rotten man that I defended him to everyone and kept giving him chance after chance.  I am ashamed of myself that I was so fooled.


The person in your life you are most jealous of

This one is easy.  It's my brother's wife.  Not that I want to marry my brother- GEEZ-  but I think she has a wonderful life.  She made a great catch when she got my brother.  He has a master's degree, he's worked for the same company for several years, he is smart and funny, and he gave her a beautiful daughter.  They get to go on vacations and travel around the world.  AND my brother's wife does not have to work outside the home.  She is an excellent housewife and mother.  I am jealous of her capabilities. She always seems to know what to do in situations where I am clueless.

Working poor doing without

The working poor do without a lot.  I am defining the working poor as those people who work and live paycheck to paycheck.  Whether they have kids or not, they make too much money to qualify for food stamps, but not enough money to afford extras.  They work and work and work, and barely make enough to survive. 

I identify myself as a member of the working poor, and I have been since the age of 20, when I moved out of my parent’s house.  I’ve worked a string of part and full-time jobs since the age of 16, but working for survival started when I set out on my own.  I had a year of college under my belt, but no skills to speak of.  Subsequently, I ended up only qualifying for unskilled jobs in the customer service area and warehouse work.  I’ve been a cashier, customer service rep, vendor, and stocker for over 10 different companies.  In 12 years, I’ve only been on food stamps for 1 year.  In this time, I’ve been denied many things the middle and upper classes take for granted.

The biggest item is food.  The ability to buy whatever you want at the grocery store is a foreign concept to the working poor.  So is eating out at any type of restaurant.  Even getting Mickey D’s for a family of 4 will cost over $10, and that is money that would be better spent on gas.  When money is scarce, like between paychecks, my family will be living on sandwiches.  And I know we are not the only ones.  Some items we cannot always afford are in the meat and produce sections, such as beef, pork chops, chicken, oranges, broccoli, and grapes.  Essentially all foods sold by the pound.  Cheese is also an expensive item.  Booze is an extension of the food group, and it is something the working poor can rarely afford.  Sometimes I just want to end my day with an ice cold flavored beer or shot of chocolate schnapps.  Does it happen? Maybe once a year. 

An interesting side effect of not having enough food is that when the pantry is actually stocked, the working poor hurry to empty it.  Thus, we eat all the good stuff in a hurry, leaving the bare remains to last the rest of the pay period.  This is the same thing we do with money: spend it before it’s gone.  It makes no sense to outsiders, but to us, it makes perfect sense.  The cheese will be gone (eaten) in a day or two.  I can’t really explain this any better- you have to live it to understand.

Entertainment is another thing the working poor have less of.  We may have TVs and basic cable.  We might even have computers and the internet.  But do we go out to movies?  Do we go to concerts?  To sporting events?  How about taking a nice vacation?  NOPE.  These are all too expensive.  I have to wait for movies to come out on DVD before I can watch them.  I can’t even afford to buy my books- I get them from the library. 

Something must be done to enable the working poor to do more than just survive.  Raise the minimum wage, maybe?  Let us learn what it’s like to not be afraid of tomorrow.

I'm here! Where's my trophy?

Is it wrong of me to believe that people (kids) shouldn’t get prizes just for showing up? Shouldn’t they have to work hard to earn awards? I remember the feeling of pride and accomplishment when I would win something at school (lots of academic awards).  It diminishes the winners to give awards to everyone.  I feel like it might make the winners feel like they shouldn’t even try next time, if they are not to be distinguished for their efforts.  My 5-year-old (Cougar) has a pre-k graduation next week, and my 6-year-old (Tyger) has a kindergarten awards assembly.  I will be at both ceremonies, but I do not have to pretend to understand why there is a need for them.

I love my kids to pieces, but I’m not big into celebrating every little thing.  Did I save hair from their first haircuts? Nope.  Did I take monthly pictures of them as babies? Nope.  I did take pictures, but only at random and on holidays.  My parenting style is more laid-back (laissez-faire?) than some.  I’m not trying to be a helicopter mom OR a best friend.  I’m trying to strike a balance between the two.  For example, I make sure Cougar takes his medicine and that both boys take their showers every night, but I do not hover over them making sure they brush their teeth.  They know what they are supposed to do. They play in the backyard unsupervised.  At 5 and 6, they are old enough to be responsible for their own actions.  They know right from wrong.  I don’t need to be present for every second of their lives anymore.  Sometimes this makes me sad, but it’s part of growing up.  

I also believe that adults should not be rewarded for nothing.  I have immense respect for people who earn their college degrees and/or promotions at work.  I also respect every mother who has gone through a natural childbirth, every person who has achieved a journeyman’s license, and every person who has completed a vo-tech program. 

You have to earn your way in this world, and handing out awards to everyone who just shows up is not setting a good example of real life for our children.  This practice is setting the bar very low, so that the kids don’t even have to try anymore. 

Remission, or feeling like a "normal" person

So, I went through treatment for my Hepatitis C over last summer.  I was on Sovaldi and Interferon (chemo-like drugs) for 3 months, from May to July of 2014.    The Sovaldi was $1000 per pill, but my insurance covered it so that I only had to pay $5 per month.  The Interferon was in the form of a shot once a week, performed by my husband (thank goodness- there's no way I could do it to myself).  Side effects of treatment for me included extreme fatigue, weight loss, and hair loss.  Basically, I slept for 3 months and acquired 2 bald spots and rapidly thinning hair.  The hair loss did not start until August, AFTER treatment was finished, and it continued until December.  At that point, I had to cut my hair down to about 2-3 inches long.  I got a fun haircut, so it turned out okay.  I also lost about 50 pounds.  The weight just melted off, probably because I was barely awake long enough to eat.

After treatment, my blood tests showed that my liver enzymes were NOT elevated anymore.  HEY . . . REMISSION!!!!

In order to explain the way I am feeling now, 6 months post treatment, I have to say how I felt before.  Since I likely contracted Hep C as a 3-month-old baby, I can say I've had it my whole life.  31 years.  I have always been tired, and more so the older I got.  It was a feeling of heaviness that never let me go.  I never had much energy (and less as I aged), so I stayed out of physical activities like sports.  As an adult, I needed a nap every day and plenty of sleep at night.  As a teenager, I became depressed and withdrawn from life.  I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder at age 19.  The chronic fatigue and depression are typical side effects of Hep C.  

I have never known another way of life.  I have always been tired, ALWAYS.  The fatigue was just a part of me that I did not realize until it was gone.

That's right.  It's gone now.  The saying that you don't know what you've got until it's gone is true.  I did not realize that I had been so tired my entire life until I suddenly WASN'T.  

It's weird to have all this energy.  At first, it seemed excessive, but now I know it's just how normal people feel.  I actually look around my house and notice things that need to be done, like laundry and dishes and sweeping.  I don't know what to do with myself when I'm home alone- when the kids are at school, my hubby is working, and my own work is done for the day.  So I pace the house a lot.  My favorite thing to do has always been reading, but now it's difficult to settle down and concentrate.  This energy is so new to me.  I feel restless.  I don't need as much sleep, and it's difficult to nap.

Is this how healthy people feel?

INFJ Personality Type

I took this quiz: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

My results:

INFJ Description

by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure andcompletion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving thehighest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life.Those who are activists - INFJs gravitate toward such a role - are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden.They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress.INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless.The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led.These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time.Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

(INFJ stands for Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging and represents individual's preferences in four dimensions characterising personality type, according to Jung's and Briggs Myers' theories of personality type.)

Your Type Preferences

Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(12%) Feeling(38%) Judging(22%)

IF ***

If you could cure any disease, which would it be?
----There are so many . . . but I would cure childhood cancer.  I know that's a rather broad scope, but I simply cannot narrow it down.  I would give much of my earnings to St. Jude's if I had it to give.  I've spent a lot of time in children's hospitals, both as a patient and as a mother, and I can't stand to see babies, especially, suffer.  The little ones do not understand yet what is going on, and they fight so hard, they fight to live, they fight to go on.  It's a draining and emotional experience.

If you could eliminate one cause of death on Earth, what would it be?
----Whatever the most painful kind might be.  I would not wish a painful death on anyone.

If you could invent one new home appliance, what would it do?
----Fold laundry.  By far, my most hated task, aside from dishwashing.

If you could be a guest on any TV talk show, which would it be?
----The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.  I LOVE love love Jimmy Fallon- he's the most talented, funny, musical, and creative talk show host ever. 

If you could have prevented once event in history, what event would you eliminate?
----The Black Plague.  It was a nasty, horrible, painful business, that event was.  It killed everyone it touched, without a thought or care- women, children, men, EVERYONE.  Second place goes to the Holocaust, of course.

If you could teach your children only one lesson in life, what would it be?
----I'd teach them that honesty is the best policy.  When in doubt, tell the truth.  Many hurts can be avoided by this simple lesson, and also many unnecessarily long and complicated fabricated stories that will catch you up too quick.  The truth shall set you free.  It may be difficult at times to tell the complete truth, but it is always the best answer.  If a woman's butt looks too big in whatever outfit tell her, but nicely.  She doesn't want to wear something like that ! That's why she asked you in the first place! If I make a pie that you truly don't like, tell me!  If you don't, then I will never know, and I'll keep making them.  If you love someone, tell him/her.  If you don't, tell him/her.  Avoid mixing up relationships with lies like those.  These are but a few examples of why the truth is the best.

How would you describe your idea of the perfect mate?
--Well, first of all,no one is perfect. But I can come up with some traits that would make a man darn near perfect to me: Funny, sweet, honest, charming, strong in body and mind, healthy as a horse, big-hearted, likes similar similar TV shows and books as me, and is easy to please in the kitchen.  Being nice to look at, rich, and very educated would be bonuses.  As it happens, I already have my life mate, and he embodies most of the list I have provided.

I don't have a clue what dreams mean

Really. I don't.  I've taken several psychology courses, and the common consensus is that dreams are your sleeping minds way of processing your day or putting different puzzle pieces together.   They also say you can't read in your sleep, and that certain dreams mean certain things.

Well, I've had a few repeat dreams over my life that I can remember: Endlessly checking groceries at a store, arriving at high school topless, forgetting my classes and my combination to my locker in high school, flying down stairs in single bounds, and my favorite- having sex with faceless men.

But do any of my dreams have anything to do with the day I just had, like the textbooks say?  I don't think so.  The last vivid dream I can recall is being transported to my brother's house in Wisconsin via mirror, and I have not read 'Through the Looking Glass' in years. Nor have I ever been to my brother's house or seen detailed pictures of it, but my mind made up fantastic details for his house, and it was beautiful.  So what was that dream about? How do I analyze it?  Am I just missing my brother, or am I envious of his house that I have never even seen?  Or do I simply wish I could travel by mirror?

I am capable of lucid dreaming, that is, dreaming while knowing you are dreaming and being able to direct it somewhat.  Not all the time, but sometimes, and that's great when it happens.  It gets me out of nightmares mostly.  Sometimes I dream my alarm went off and I'm getting up, getting ready for the day, all while still being asleep.  Those dreams suck and are extremely difficult to break free of, because then I can't tell reality from dreaming.  I always wake up from those feeling like crap.