lack of plans

Recently my best friend asked me what my goals and ambitions for my future are.  That made me stop and think.  Because here's the deal: I don't really have any specific goals set.  No ambitions, no clear path. 

Growing up, I always expected to get a college degree, get married, have kids, and have some kind of career.  I knew the proper order I was expected to accomplish these things.  However, I have never been the type of person to really know what I want.  Some kids know what they want to be when they grow up, and they stick with that goal until they've completed it.  Not me.  I kept changing my mind, from a young age right up until now.  If I make a decision, I have to act on it right away, or I will most likely change my mind. 

I loved writing stories as a child, so my first dream was to be a writer.  Needless to say, that didn't happen.  I wasn't good enough.  I was really never good enough for anything.  I'm not particularly skilled in anything.  I'm average.  I majored in education in my first year of college because at that time I wanted to be a French teacher.  I still like the idea of being a teacher, but it's just not in the cards for me. I dropped out after a year of college, but returned 7 years later to major in criminal justice.  I am one year away from having my Bachelor's degree, but I dropped out again. 

Well, now that I think of it, I am skilled at some things: I am a VERY good cashier and stocker.  I am an expert at helping customers (when I feel like it).  I'm a good listener, I'm very loyal to my friends and family, and I'm super honest. 

Are those skills for a successful career? No.  I can't type correctly, I can't figure out Excel, and I can't do any kind of job that requires me to be in top health. 

Basically, I have lived my life day by day ever since I left my parent's house 10 years ago.  I make it through each day the best I can.  I'm alive.  I would say that my motivation is my kids, and the only goal I have is to do what it takes to survive.