I love my kids more than I can ever express. The hardest part of that love is when they get sick. My youngest, Cougar, is 3 and he had open heart surgery at 3 months old. He's had struggles ever since to reach normal milestones like walking and eating by mouth. Right now he's in a special class at a public school that provides speech, physical, and cognitive therapy for 3-4 year olds. Just a few days ago, I took Cougar to a regular appointment with his cardiologist to check on his heart. I knew he had a moderate leak in his mitral valve, but that day we found out the leak had gotten worse. This is bad news because now he will need another open heart surgery to repair or replace the mitral valve. The doctor told me it will probably happen either this winter or next summer, depending on how Cougar responds to the increase in his medicine.
Needless to say, my husband and I were devastated, and everyone else we know is giving us all the support they know to give. I also feel guilty because it is my gene pool that the heart condition comes from. I have a leaky mitral valve myself, but it's only a small, manageable leak. I've had 2 open heart surgeries- one to repair ASD and the other to repair cor triatriatum. My mother and grandmother have also had surgeries due to ASD. My older brother, whom I never met, died at 3 months old because the surgery to fix his coarctation of the aorta did not work. I thought it was bad going through surgery myself, but it's a million times worse when it's my baby. I am essentially rendered helpless in the face of this boo-boo that I cannot kiss better.
A mother's love is all-encompassing and never ending. I will do what I can: I will stand by Cougar's side, take care of every little need he has, and live in his hospital room until he is ready to come home. I will let him know I love him, and I know my husband will, too. We will give him our encouragement and the familiarity of our presence.
This is going to be a very stressful and tiring several months while we go through this process, and I will probably break down several times. I just can't handle the reality of my baby, who will be 4 when he has this next surgery, going through this again. Just when we think he's gotten better and he's reaching milestones and acting like a regular kid, he has a setback. I would take his place in a second. He is such a special little boy, funny and sweet and precious. I hate it that bad things like this happen to kids, and I hate the injustice of it all.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
For Cougar
Dear Cougar,
At the time of
your conception in 2009, your brother was 6 months old. Your dad, Tyger, and I lived in a rental
house.
I was 26 and your dad was 37.
Daddy was working as a detention officer and
I was a stay-at-home mom and online college student. Being pregnant with you was much more
eventful than my first pregnancy: I gained more weight and at 8 months, I began
itching severely on my belly. Also,
about a week before you were born, there was a bad snowstorm and Daddy got
stuck at work for 36 hours. That was bad
because I was worried about going into labor with no one to help me.
However, the
worst part about the pregnancy was the news we received after I underwent a
fetal echocardiogram: You, my precious, innocent baby who was yet to be born,
were diagnosed with a serious heart condition that the doctor thought was
probably AVSD (atrial ventricular septal defect). The cardiologist and the geneticist both
encouraged me to also have an amniocentesis done to check for any chromosomal
abnormalities you might have, such as Down’s Syndrome. We were very happy when your chromosomes
turned out to be normal. As for your
heart problem, the doctor assured me that it could be corrected by surgery
sometime after you were born. All I
could do was hope for the best.
I began having
contractions January 1st, 2010, but the pains stopped after a few
hours and didn’t start again until the next day. You were almost a New Year’s baby, but you
ended up being born the evening of January 2nd, 2010. I walked into the birthing center with your
dad, and within an hour you were born.
It was an emergency C-section because you were breech and your heart
rate was dropping fast. You were 9
pounds, 1 ounce and almost 21 inches long.
You were immediately rushed to a children’s hospital and checked
out. They let you come home with your
dad and me a few days later because you were stable.
The first 6
weeks of your life were as normal as they could have been under the
circumstances. Your dad took off an entire month when you were born to help take care of you and let me recover from the delivery. He mostly watched you when I needed to sleep, and one of my favorite pictures is one taken by a nurse right after your birth- you were lying on a hospital table and your dad was sitting beside you with the happiest smile I have ever seen. Anyway, I breastfed you, but you were
not gaining much weight due to your heart condition. You became weaker by the day and you were having
episodes of turning blue and not breathing.
At 6 weeks old, I took you to the children’s hospital where you stayed
for the next 2 weeks while various doctors checked you out. By then, you were too weak to take the breast
or bottle, so I was taught how to insert a feeding tube into your nose and down
to your stomach so that you could receive my breastmilk that way. When we took you home, you only lasted a week
before we had to take you back to the hospital.
Your episodes of turning blue and not breathing were becoming too
frequent for me to handle at home. This
time, you stayed a week at the hospital and came home with oxygen tanks and a
heart monitor in addition to the continuous feeding pump and feeding tube. You had tape on your face to hold the various
tubes in place, and it was a juggling act for me or your dad to hold you and take care of
you.
Unfortunately,
you landed back in the hospital after about a week at home because your blue
episodes had gotten much worse and too often.
Since I had the heart rate monitor at home always attached to you, I
knew what was happening when you stopped breathing. Your heart rate would drop to zero, and this
would happen several times a day.
Anything could set you off, even taking your temperature or clipping
your fingernails. Back in the hospital,
the cardiologists and the heart surgeon told me that you needed an open heart
surgery as soon as possible. However,
they wanted you to be 12 pounds and at least 3 months old to increase your chances
of surviving. So it was a waiting game
while we pumped you full of breastmilk and medicine and oxygen. You made it to 12 pounds, but you did not
make it to 3 months old before your situation became so dire that the surgeon
decided to bump another patient off the surgery schedule in order to get your
surgery done.
It was the last
day of March, 2010, and I do not remember much about it except that you made it
through surgery. The doctors told me
that you had Tetralogy of Fallot in addition to the AVSD, and your heart was in
worse shape than they had originally thought.
You spent 5 weeks intubated in the pediatric ICU before you had the
strength to breathe on your own. You
spent another 3 weeks in the hospital after the breathing tube was taken out,
and ended up having a fundoplication and gastrostomy tube insertion surgery. You were feeling a lot better, but you had
forgotten how to eat, so the g-tube enabled me to feed you with a feeding tube
that connected directly to your stomach.
By this time, you were 5 months old and you could not eat, talk, sit up,
or do any of the things other babies your age could do. When we brought you home, we set up a
physical therapist to help you regain your strength and catch up on your
milestones. You could not walk until you
were age 2 and a half, and you did not get the feeding tube taken out of your
stomach until you were almost 3.
Today you are 3
and a half and you are walking, talking, eating, and playing like a regular
kid. You slept through your first
birthday party. You were a skeleton for
your first Halloween, and a smurf for your second. You were Scooby Doo for your third Halloween. We went to Chuck E Cheese for your 3rd
birthday.
You like Scooby
Doo and Mickey Mouse. You dance when you
hear music. You love and look up to your
big brother, even though he picks on you all the time. You LOVE swimming, especially at Grandma’s
house. Your favorite thing to eat is
pizza. You are unbelievably sweet and
precious, and everyone loves you so much.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Married Life
Things you didn't know: Married life
I just read the information at the above link, and I thought it was interesting and pertinent to my own life. I know about marriage, having been married twice for a combined total of 10 years. I have experienced being married too young, divorce, and marrying again. I have some personal input for the statistics reported on that site.
Marrying younger than 25 drastically increases the risk for divorce. I believe it, especially in today's society. Sometimes teenagers get married right out of high school, or sometimes people meet in their early 20s before they've really had a chance to spread their wings. It doesn't take long for the novelty and the feeling of "playing house" to wear off. There must be a solid foundation and real commitment for the couple to stay married. Here's an example: I was married at age 20 and divorced at 24. I firmly believe that that marriage was built on a rocky foundation, and never shored up. We just weren't ready for marriage, and so it didn't work out. Looking back, those 4 years are my biggest regret, because I should have spent that time going to college or experiencing life on my own. I view it as time wasted, but also a lesson learned.
The most successful marriages are between the older sister of brothers and the younger brother of sisters; the least are with only children. This is a very cool factoid to me, because I am the older sister of a brother and my husband is the younger brother of a sister. I wonder why this is true, though: Are the older sisters better wives because they grew up managing younger brothers? Are the younger brothers better husbands because they grew up being managed? I think maybe it's because the younger brother learns to respect women and communicate with them.
No sex in a marriage has a much more powerful negative impact on a marriage than good sex has a positive impact. This is completely true. We all want to feel loved and desired, and expressing that love in the most natural way positively reinforces the bond we have with our mate. When no love is expressed, we begin to feel lonely in the relationship.
I just read the information at the above link, and I thought it was interesting and pertinent to my own life. I know about marriage, having been married twice for a combined total of 10 years. I have experienced being married too young, divorce, and marrying again. I have some personal input for the statistics reported on that site.
Marrying younger than 25 drastically increases the risk for divorce. I believe it, especially in today's society. Sometimes teenagers get married right out of high school, or sometimes people meet in their early 20s before they've really had a chance to spread their wings. It doesn't take long for the novelty and the feeling of "playing house" to wear off. There must be a solid foundation and real commitment for the couple to stay married. Here's an example: I was married at age 20 and divorced at 24. I firmly believe that that marriage was built on a rocky foundation, and never shored up. We just weren't ready for marriage, and so it didn't work out. Looking back, those 4 years are my biggest regret, because I should have spent that time going to college or experiencing life on my own. I view it as time wasted, but also a lesson learned.
The most successful marriages are between the older sister of brothers and the younger brother of sisters; the least are with only children. This is a very cool factoid to me, because I am the older sister of a brother and my husband is the younger brother of a sister. I wonder why this is true, though: Are the older sisters better wives because they grew up managing younger brothers? Are the younger brothers better husbands because they grew up being managed? I think maybe it's because the younger brother learns to respect women and communicate with them.
No sex in a marriage has a much more powerful negative impact on a marriage than good sex has a positive impact. This is completely true. We all want to feel loved and desired, and expressing that love in the most natural way positively reinforces the bond we have with our mate. When no love is expressed, we begin to feel lonely in the relationship.
my ideal wedding
My husband and I never had a wedding, which I find depressing. We should have had a wedding, tailored to suit us, and lots of pictures to show for it. Instead, we were married in an office near the courthouse, and we have very few pictures of that day. If I could having a wedding now, I would follow my heart and my creative instincts.
For my dress, I'd pick something like this:
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It would definitely be purple or periwinkle, have some kind of little straps, and not be poufy. I would not be ashamed of my tattoos and scars. My husband would incorporate purple into his tux, because that is his favorite color, too- we were both born in February. I would let him style himself however he wanted in order to reflect his personality and be happy. I would go barefoot, but he could wear shoes if he wanted.
I would have a maid of honor, probably my best friend, and he would have a best man. My maid of honor would have to wear a dress in a color complementary to purple, but of a flattering style to her. I'd have no ring bearers or flower girls, to keep the wedding ceremony simple.
I like the idea of lighting a unity candle during the ceremony and speaking traditional vows. I believe that marriage, TRUE marriage, is a pact made between the two people and witnessed by close family and friends. We would of course invite our families and friends, but I would like to keep the list to only those people we enjoy being around and who truly want to be there.
The reception could be held anywhere big enough to fit 50 people and a dance floor. My husband and I would each make a list of songs to be played by a DJ. The songs would be another reflection of ourselves, our personalities merging. We'd have lots of classic rock and 80s music. There would be a free bar. I would learn the Thriller dance, and actually do it when the song came on. I'd also get out there on the dance floor for the electric slide and any disco music.
The best man and maid of honor would each give a toast. I would have one dance with my dad. I would get my husband out for at least one dance, no matter how embarrassed he feels. Then people would just continue to dance and talk and have a good time until late at night.
That's my dream, and I'm sad that it will never happen.
For my dress, I'd pick something like this:
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I would have a maid of honor, probably my best friend, and he would have a best man. My maid of honor would have to wear a dress in a color complementary to purple, but of a flattering style to her. I'd have no ring bearers or flower girls, to keep the wedding ceremony simple.
I like the idea of lighting a unity candle during the ceremony and speaking traditional vows. I believe that marriage, TRUE marriage, is a pact made between the two people and witnessed by close family and friends. We would of course invite our families and friends, but I would like to keep the list to only those people we enjoy being around and who truly want to be there.
The reception could be held anywhere big enough to fit 50 people and a dance floor. My husband and I would each make a list of songs to be played by a DJ. The songs would be another reflection of ourselves, our personalities merging. We'd have lots of classic rock and 80s music. There would be a free bar. I would learn the Thriller dance, and actually do it when the song came on. I'd also get out there on the dance floor for the electric slide and any disco music.
The best man and maid of honor would each give a toast. I would have one dance with my dad. I would get my husband out for at least one dance, no matter how embarrassed he feels. Then people would just continue to dance and talk and have a good time until late at night.
That's my dream, and I'm sad that it will never happen.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
The sum of my parts
I recently joined a website dedicated to DNA, mostly because I have always been curious about what exactly I am. Okay, yeah, I'm a 30-year-old woman, mother of two little boys, part-time greeting card vendor, wife of a detention officer, bookaholic, etc. But what blood runs in my veins? Yeah, yeah, I'm A+. Here's what I wanted to know: Where were my ancestors from? and Do I have any genes linked to known diseases?
I learned as much as possible about my family from my parents and grandparents. I had a maternal great-grandma who was supposedly full-blood Swedish. I also have lots of German and English on both sides of the family. My brother swears that my maiden name originated in Scotland, but I suspect it was probably England. My mother's maiden name is very obviously German. My paternal grandma says that we have English royal blood and my maternal grandma says we are somehow related to former President Hoover. The family mystery is one of my paternal great-grandmas, because she was adopted.
Web research on some family surnames turns up origins in Scotland, Germany, England, France, and Sweden.
So I sent in my DNA sample, and about 6 weeks later I got my results. The first thing that shows up is: "An estimated 2.7% of your DNA is from Neanderthals." Okay. The next thing is that I have some Ashkenazi Jewish DNA, which is a total surprise. Next is the results that "reflect where your ancestors lived 500 years ago, before ocean-crossing ships and airplanes came on the scene."
My ancestry composition is:
98.9% European:
Northern European
4.2% British and Irish
.8% Scandinavian
.6% French and German
.3% Finnish
73.9% Nonspecific Northern European
1.3% Ashkenazi
17.8% Nonspecific European
.6% Sub-Saharan African
.1% North African
.4% Unassigned
I am not totally satisfied with these results. I do not like all the "nonspecific" areas. I wanted more details, but my DNA is still on file for further testing and I will give it some time.
I feel that the results of the health aspect were more thorough, and I got some useful information. I'm at increased risk for Alzheimer's, breast cancer, narcolepsy, restless leg syndrome, colorectal cancer, glaucoma, melanoma, psoriasis, venous thromboembolism, and lupus. The Alzheimer's, psoriasis, and melanoma are twice the average. Also, 6.45 of my extra pounds are genetic. I have a decreased risk for rheumatoid arthritis, Parkinson's, macular degeneration, type 1 diabetes, Multiple Sclerosis, Crohn's Disease, Esophageal Squamous Cell Carcinoma, and stomach cancer. I also found out that I am sensitive to Warfarin, which is a common blood thinner. I am also apparently a fast caffeine metabolizer, I have decreased odds of responding to Interferon treatment, and I have zero inherited conditions (mutations). Finally, I have increased episodic memory and increased sensitivity to pain.
This is all very interesting, and I am going to keep these results and share them with my kids when they are older. We are all 100% American, but America is a relatively new country and doesn't the old rhyme go, "In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue?" Didn't we declare our independence in 1776? This country is full of people who immigrated from elsewhere within the last few centuries, and it's nice to know where my family is from.
I learned as much as possible about my family from my parents and grandparents. I had a maternal great-grandma who was supposedly full-blood Swedish. I also have lots of German and English on both sides of the family. My brother swears that my maiden name originated in Scotland, but I suspect it was probably England. My mother's maiden name is very obviously German. My paternal grandma says that we have English royal blood and my maternal grandma says we are somehow related to former President Hoover. The family mystery is one of my paternal great-grandmas, because she was adopted.
Web research on some family surnames turns up origins in Scotland, Germany, England, France, and Sweden.
So I sent in my DNA sample, and about 6 weeks later I got my results. The first thing that shows up is: "An estimated 2.7% of your DNA is from Neanderthals." Okay. The next thing is that I have some Ashkenazi Jewish DNA, which is a total surprise. Next is the results that "reflect where your ancestors lived 500 years ago, before ocean-crossing ships and airplanes came on the scene."
My ancestry composition is:
98.9% European:
Northern European
4.2% British and Irish
.8% Scandinavian
.6% French and German
.3% Finnish
73.9% Nonspecific Northern European
1.3% Ashkenazi
17.8% Nonspecific European
.6% Sub-Saharan African
.1% North African
.4% Unassigned
I am not totally satisfied with these results. I do not like all the "nonspecific" areas. I wanted more details, but my DNA is still on file for further testing and I will give it some time.
I feel that the results of the health aspect were more thorough, and I got some useful information. I'm at increased risk for Alzheimer's, breast cancer, narcolepsy, restless leg syndrome, colorectal cancer, glaucoma, melanoma, psoriasis, venous thromboembolism, and lupus. The Alzheimer's, psoriasis, and melanoma are twice the average. Also, 6.45 of my extra pounds are genetic. I have a decreased risk for rheumatoid arthritis, Parkinson's, macular degeneration, type 1 diabetes, Multiple Sclerosis, Crohn's Disease, Esophageal Squamous Cell Carcinoma, and stomach cancer. I also found out that I am sensitive to Warfarin, which is a common blood thinner. I am also apparently a fast caffeine metabolizer, I have decreased odds of responding to Interferon treatment, and I have zero inherited conditions (mutations). Finally, I have increased episodic memory and increased sensitivity to pain.
This is all very interesting, and I am going to keep these results and share them with my kids when they are older. We are all 100% American, but America is a relatively new country and doesn't the old rhyme go, "In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue?" Didn't we declare our independence in 1776? This country is full of people who immigrated from elsewhere within the last few centuries, and it's nice to know where my family is from.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
rock concerts- my experiences
Ok, so I am a 30-year-old female who likes many varieties of rock music: classic rock, folk, alternative, grunge, hard rock, etc. My first concert was The Turtles and The Monkees:
I didn't see another real, ticket-required concert until I was around 18, and I saw the band 1964 with two friends. This was a Beatles cover band, and very talented. The friends I was with did not appreciate the music, and they ended up sneaking off. I stayed, and enjoyed myself.
The last artist I saw in concert was Ani Difranco.
It was the Monkees' 30th anniversary tour. It was 1996 and I was 13. I went with my mom and her friend. Up until this concert, I had been a strong Beatles and Beach Boys fan. I had a bunch of Beach Boys and Beatles cassettes that I would listen to, in addition to my mom's old record albums of the Beatles, Abba, the BeeGees, the Ohio Players, etc. I had heard about the Turtles/Monkees concert on my favorite radio station, KOMA, the local oldies station. My mom took me as a surprise, and I was hooked. It was an outdoor concert, everyone either sat or stood on the grass, and there were people of all ages- including old hippies. It was insane- women were throwing bras and underwear at Davy! I LOVED it, and I was an instant Monkees fan.
The last artist I saw in concert was Ani Difranco.
I LOVE Ani Difranco!!! I'd been listening to her music since I was about 18 or 19, having been introduced to it by my best friend at the time. I went to her concert with that same friend and her girlfriend, and a certain dumbass man (should've left him home). I was around age 21 or so. I must say that Ani is the best female guitar player and song writer I have ever heard. She writes, plays, and sings straight from her heart, and she's not afraid to take on sensitive issues like abortion and women's rights. Love love love her.
I would've been to a lot more concerts, but I led a sheltered life until I moved out of my parent's house at age 20. I remember wanting REALLY bad to go see the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was in high school. I had a huge thing for their newest CD at the time (Californication). My parents said absolutely not. I missed out on a lot that way.
My wish list of future concerts (even if it's not likely these people will tour again):
Beck
Ani Difranco
Aerosmith
RHCP
Pearl Jam
Foo Fighters
Rolling Stones
Alanis Morissette
Friday, May 31, 2013
how to trust your man
How to Trust Your Man
Just do it. In this day and age, it is easier than ever to cheat. We have computers and cell phones that make everything about life easier. Finding a woman to have an affair with is as easy as looking up a matchmaking site or using social media like facebook. A woman can drive herself crazy worrying about what her man may be up to when he has his computer or cell phone turned away from her or in another room.
I know from experience that men can and will cheat with these devices. I was with a man for four years who had a secret myspace account, several secret email addresses, a secret photobucket account, a secret cell phone, a secret messenger handle, and a few online sex RPGs. He downloaded porn and convinced me it was just spam that accidentally got downloaded. He traveled to another state to be with at least one other woman on several occasions. He emailed pictures of himself naked to other women. The other women sent him videos of them pleasuring themselves. He had a double life and he was a master liar. He fooled me for four years.
So, yeah, it can be difficult to trust men, especially the ones who are hip with the latest technology. But you cannot have a relationship without trust.
After my bad experience with that asshole, I came up with some reasonable expectations for a man to meet if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me:
1) There must be no lies between us.
2) Communication has to be open at all times.
3) We must know all of eachother's passwords.
4) Don't hide anything.
If you think about it, it's easy to follow those guidelines if you have nothing to hide. Also, both partners must agree and get everything out in the open before getting serious. If a man doesn't want to do any of the items on the list, then he must either be hiding something or he's not ready for commitment.
Trust goes both ways, and you have to earn trust sometimes. Just one little chink in the armor of trust can break down an otherwise solid relationship. Chinks can be repaired, however, with honesty and love.
Trust is a choice and a leap of faith and an enormous investment in another person.
Just do it. In this day and age, it is easier than ever to cheat. We have computers and cell phones that make everything about life easier. Finding a woman to have an affair with is as easy as looking up a matchmaking site or using social media like facebook. A woman can drive herself crazy worrying about what her man may be up to when he has his computer or cell phone turned away from her or in another room.
I know from experience that men can and will cheat with these devices. I was with a man for four years who had a secret myspace account, several secret email addresses, a secret photobucket account, a secret cell phone, a secret messenger handle, and a few online sex RPGs. He downloaded porn and convinced me it was just spam that accidentally got downloaded. He traveled to another state to be with at least one other woman on several occasions. He emailed pictures of himself naked to other women. The other women sent him videos of them pleasuring themselves. He had a double life and he was a master liar. He fooled me for four years.
So, yeah, it can be difficult to trust men, especially the ones who are hip with the latest technology. But you cannot have a relationship without trust.
After my bad experience with that asshole, I came up with some reasonable expectations for a man to meet if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me:
1) There must be no lies between us.
2) Communication has to be open at all times.
3) We must know all of eachother's passwords.
4) Don't hide anything.
If you think about it, it's easy to follow those guidelines if you have nothing to hide. Also, both partners must agree and get everything out in the open before getting serious. If a man doesn't want to do any of the items on the list, then he must either be hiding something or he's not ready for commitment.
Trust goes both ways, and you have to earn trust sometimes. Just one little chink in the armor of trust can break down an otherwise solid relationship. Chinks can be repaired, however, with honesty and love.
Trust is a choice and a leap of faith and an enormous investment in another person.
Friday, May 24, 2013
times they are a changin
What has changed about growing up since my childhood?
I was born in 1983.
My first home was in a trailer in Newalla, OK. My mom let me run around outside stark naked. I know this because she took pictures!!!! I'm not ashamed and I've always thought it was funny. But now that I am a parent, I realize that toddlers don't run around naked outside anymore in American cities. Out in the country, sure. But not in neighborhoods. The public is more aware of pedophiles and kidnappings, and the average concerned parent today takes precautions to keep children safe. Here's the way I feel as a parent in today's society: I let my kids explore and experiment as much as possible, within limits. Kids have to figure things out for themselves. So I will let my boys play in a kiddie pool in my front yard- in full view of my neighbors or anyone passing by- as long as they have shorts on. My little brother and I played in kiddie pools naked back in the 1980s.
Here's something else: my kids have access to computers and the internet at home. They also have handheld game systems- and they are only 3 and 4 years old! My oldest son has completed preschool online and is now working on kindergarten lessons- all before the age of 5! He can navigate a computer, a cell phone, the TV, etc. My younger son isn't quite as advanced, but he can work anything with a touch screen!
And let's talk about food. With more moms having jobs these days (including me), the sit-down, home cooked family dinner is falling by the wayside. I grew up having family dinner with both my parents and my brother almost every night- I would say at least 5 days out of 7. Some families still manage this, but many more don't. Frozen and processed foods are being consumed more than ever.
Kids today are much fatter because of not getting balanced meals, in addition to being glued to their electronic gadgets. I remember climbing trees, riding my bike, and going to the lake as a kid. I got outside. I sincerely hope that my kids continue to like being outdoors. Right now, they play at parks and run around at my parent's house in the boonies, but who knows what the future holds?
I was born in 1983.
My first home was in a trailer in Newalla, OK. My mom let me run around outside stark naked. I know this because she took pictures!!!! I'm not ashamed and I've always thought it was funny. But now that I am a parent, I realize that toddlers don't run around naked outside anymore in American cities. Out in the country, sure. But not in neighborhoods. The public is more aware of pedophiles and kidnappings, and the average concerned parent today takes precautions to keep children safe. Here's the way I feel as a parent in today's society: I let my kids explore and experiment as much as possible, within limits. Kids have to figure things out for themselves. So I will let my boys play in a kiddie pool in my front yard- in full view of my neighbors or anyone passing by- as long as they have shorts on. My little brother and I played in kiddie pools naked back in the 1980s.
Here's something else: my kids have access to computers and the internet at home. They also have handheld game systems- and they are only 3 and 4 years old! My oldest son has completed preschool online and is now working on kindergarten lessons- all before the age of 5! He can navigate a computer, a cell phone, the TV, etc. My younger son isn't quite as advanced, but he can work anything with a touch screen!
And let's talk about food. With more moms having jobs these days (including me), the sit-down, home cooked family dinner is falling by the wayside. I grew up having family dinner with both my parents and my brother almost every night- I would say at least 5 days out of 7. Some families still manage this, but many more don't. Frozen and processed foods are being consumed more than ever.
Kids today are much fatter because of not getting balanced meals, in addition to being glued to their electronic gadgets. I remember climbing trees, riding my bike, and going to the lake as a kid. I got outside. I sincerely hope that my kids continue to like being outdoors. Right now, they play at parks and run around at my parent's house in the boonies, but who knows what the future holds?
Monday, May 20, 2013
"I'm just a mom"
Why DO women say "I'm just a mom?" Because in today's American culture, feminism is the norm. Women are expected to have kids, a career, and manage a household. If a woman does not have a job because she chooses to focus on raising her kids, she is made to feel like she is a lesser person. There really are deadbeat moms out there, but there are also moms who are truly super dedicated to their kids. They have the ability to have a career, but they choose to put that on hold in favor of giving their kids more attention. These moms may say, "I'm just a mom," but the title "mom" encompasses so much more to these ladies. These fabulous mothers are everything to their kids: nurses, friends, playmates, a shoulder to cry on, and much more. These super engaged mothers make sure their kids have time to play outside, read them books at night, keep them fed, engage them in extra activities like sports, and most of all- mothers protect their children. They protect their kids' imagination, ego, heart, and health. All of this while trying not to be overbearing, because children need to spread their wings.
I'm of the opinion that stay-at-home moms should be given the title "professional mom" and a small salary while they are out of the job market, because they really are doing an important job: raising our future.
My own mom was a stay-at-home mom throughout most of my childhood. She kept on top of my medical conditions, made sure the doctor's paid attention to me, and kept me alive. I was a very picky eater, but my mom still managed to keep me fed. She forced me out of my comfort zone and made me take ballet lessons starting at age five. I cried every time she dropped me off and I know it must have been hard for her leave, but it helped me learn how to interact with other kids and work together with them. She knew what was best for me. My mom was there for every part of my life, even as I grew older. I absolutely believed everything my mom told me because I thought she knew everything. Some of her gems included, "Boogers turn to worms in your stomach" and "bubble gum sticks to your ribs if you swallow it." She meant well. I could always talk to her about 99% of the thoughts in my head. She is one of my best friends and I know that I can always count on her.
My sister-in-law is also a very dedicated mom. She had a part-time job until she had her daughter. Now she is a full-time mother, and she's very good at it. She keeps Lexi healthy and fed, and gets her out of the house for activities almost every day. Lexi is the happiest little girl, and it is all because of her mom. I love my brother, but he's at work a lot and so Lexi spends most of her time with her mom.
My friend has four daughters, and she is unable to work. She is in pain a lot of the time due to some medical problems, but she still manages to keep her girls healthy and fed and in school. Her situation is often difficult and precarious, but she hangs on and gets through every tough spot while trying to keep her kids' lives running as smooth as possible. Many women in her situation would have given up a long time ago, but she keeps going and doing the best she can. Why? Because of the fierce love she has for her daughters. That level of love and determination in the face of such major obstacles is an inspiration for all who know her.
I know from personal experience how hard it is to leave your baby and go to work, but some mothers do not have a choice. There are bills to be paid. These are also strong mothers, because although they must work, they always find time for their kids. I'm not suggesting every mom should stay at home, because I know that's impossible. I am JUST saying that women everywhere should be proud to say, "I'm just a mom."
Saturday, May 18, 2013
lack of plans
Recently my best friend asked me what my goals and ambitions for my future are. That made me stop and think. Because here's the deal: I don't really have any specific goals set. No ambitions, no clear path.
Growing up, I always expected to get a college degree, get married, have kids, and have some kind of career. I knew the proper order I was expected to accomplish these things. However, I have never been the type of person to really know what I want. Some kids know what they want to be when they grow up, and they stick with that goal until they've completed it. Not me. I kept changing my mind, from a young age right up until now. If I make a decision, I have to act on it right away, or I will most likely change my mind.
I loved writing stories as a child, so my first dream was to be a writer. Needless to say, that didn't happen. I wasn't good enough. I was really never good enough for anything. I'm not particularly skilled in anything. I'm average. I majored in education in my first year of college because at that time I wanted to be a French teacher. I still like the idea of being a teacher, but it's just not in the cards for me. I dropped out after a year of college, but returned 7 years later to major in criminal justice. I am one year away from having my Bachelor's degree, but I dropped out again.
Well, now that I think of it, I am skilled at some things: I am a VERY good cashier and stocker. I am an expert at helping customers (when I feel like it). I'm a good listener, I'm very loyal to my friends and family, and I'm super honest.
Are those skills for a successful career? No. I can't type correctly, I can't figure out Excel, and I can't do any kind of job that requires me to be in top health.
Basically, I have lived my life day by day ever since I left my parent's house 10 years ago. I make it through each day the best I can. I'm alive. I would say that my motivation is my kids, and the only goal I have is to do what it takes to survive.
Growing up, I always expected to get a college degree, get married, have kids, and have some kind of career. I knew the proper order I was expected to accomplish these things. However, I have never been the type of person to really know what I want. Some kids know what they want to be when they grow up, and they stick with that goal until they've completed it. Not me. I kept changing my mind, from a young age right up until now. If I make a decision, I have to act on it right away, or I will most likely change my mind.
I loved writing stories as a child, so my first dream was to be a writer. Needless to say, that didn't happen. I wasn't good enough. I was really never good enough for anything. I'm not particularly skilled in anything. I'm average. I majored in education in my first year of college because at that time I wanted to be a French teacher. I still like the idea of being a teacher, but it's just not in the cards for me. I dropped out after a year of college, but returned 7 years later to major in criminal justice. I am one year away from having my Bachelor's degree, but I dropped out again.
Well, now that I think of it, I am skilled at some things: I am a VERY good cashier and stocker. I am an expert at helping customers (when I feel like it). I'm a good listener, I'm very loyal to my friends and family, and I'm super honest.
Are those skills for a successful career? No. I can't type correctly, I can't figure out Excel, and I can't do any kind of job that requires me to be in top health.
Basically, I have lived my life day by day ever since I left my parent's house 10 years ago. I make it through each day the best I can. I'm alive. I would say that my motivation is my kids, and the only goal I have is to do what it takes to survive.
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