Okay, so here are some life experiences I missed
out on, and some life experiences that may not be “normal.”
1. I’ve
never experienced the “bar scene.” I went to the Bricktown Brewery a couple of
times, once with my parents and once for my 10-year HS reunion. I went to some
other bar once with my husband to meet some of his old friends. And that is the sum total. I truly don’t know
what it’s like to be a single adult woman, so I would not know what to expect
at a bar.
2. I
never went to a real party in high school or college. When it was my birthday,
my mom would bake me a cake or cookie or brownie, and my extended family would
come over, and we’d have my birthday party: I sat on a chair, everyone sang me
the song, we ate cake, I opened presents, etc. So . . . maybe I was too lame to
be invited to anybody’s party? I will
never know, but it did make me feel left out back then.
3. Even
though I lusted hard after most of the guys in my high school at one point or
another, not a single one of them asked me out.
I met my first boyfriend when we both worked at Dairy Queen. I was 17.
4. I
got a speeding ticket just after midnight when I turned 18. Some birthday
present that was.
5. I
used to buy my underage friends and coworkers cigarettes and liquor. I never
charged for my services, and none of them died.
6. The
older I get, the less I feel like a woman.
7. I
have never been a waitress because I think it is too difficult a job.
8. I
have had 13 jobs since turning 16. It’s been 18 years.
9. I
can name almost all 1980s movies just by looking at one screenshot.
10. My
taste in music has been heavily influenced by my mom, certain friends, and the
time period I grew up in. As a result, I like 60s rock, 70s rock and funk, most
80s music, and certain alternative selections from the 90s. I also like certain
movie musical soundtracks.
11. My
mom taught me the electric slide and the grapevine, but I can also do the mashed potato, the skate, the charleston, and the twist. None of those were popular after the 70s.
12. As
a kid, I may have convinced my brother he was an alien.
13. I
believe reading books has saved my life.
14. When
Maryann from the Babysitter’s Club books got her hair cut into a bob, I did,
too. I was 10, and it was not a good look for me.
15. I
stopped wearing contacts at age 21 because I’m allergic.
16. I
stopped wearing all makeup except for concealer when I developed an allergy to
all mascaras. My eyes swell up and I can’t
see, so it doesn’t seem to be worth it anymore.
17. Yes,
I still have one breast implant, but I would hack off both boobs if I could.
They served their purpose, and now they are retired.
18. I
don’t like women’s clothing. I would
prefer to wear band t-shirts and jeans all the time. Flannel shirts when it’s
cold. Flip-flops all year round. No bras, ever. Panties, only 7 days a month.
19. I
want to shave my hair off and keep it like that this time. Having hair is just
a pain.
20. One
unintended result of all my jaw surgeries is that now I can wink. I never could
before, but now half of my face is f*cked up.
