how to trust your man

How to Trust Your Man

Just do it.  In this day and age, it is easier than ever to cheat.  We have computers and cell phones that make everything about life easier.  Finding a woman to have an affair with is as easy as looking up a matchmaking site or using social media like facebook.  A woman can drive herself crazy worrying about what her man may be up to when he has his computer or cell phone turned away from her or in another room. 

I know from experience that men can and will cheat with these devices.  I was with a man for four years who had a secret myspace account, several secret email addresses, a secret photobucket account, a secret cell phone, a secret messenger handle, and a few online sex RPGs.  He downloaded porn and convinced me it was just spam that accidentally got downloaded.  He traveled to another state to be with at least one other woman on several occasions.  He emailed pictures of himself naked to other women.  The other women sent him videos of them pleasuring themselves.  He had a double life and he was a master liar.  He fooled me for four years.

So, yeah, it can be difficult to trust men, especially the ones who are hip with the latest technology.  But you cannot have a relationship without trust.

After my bad experience with that asshole, I came up with some reasonable expectations for a man to meet if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me:
1) There must be no lies between us.
2) Communication has to be open at all times.
3) We must know all of eachother's passwords.
4) Don't hide anything.

If you think about it, it's easy to follow those guidelines if you have nothing to hide.  Also, both partners must agree and get everything out in the open before getting serious.  If a man doesn't want to do any of the items on the list, then he must either be hiding something or he's not ready for commitment. 

Trust goes both ways, and you have to earn trust sometimes.  Just one little chink in the armor of trust can break down an otherwise solid relationship.  Chinks can be repaired, however, with honesty and love.

Trust is a choice and a leap of faith and an enormous investment in another person.   

times they are a changin

What has changed about growing up since my childhood?

 I was born in 1983.

My first home was in a trailer in Newalla, OK.  My mom let me run around outside stark naked.  I know this because she took pictures!!!!  I'm not ashamed and I've always thought it was funny.  But now that I am a parent, I realize that toddlers don't run around naked outside anymore in American cities.  Out in the country, sure.  But not in neighborhoods.  The public is more aware of pedophiles and kidnappings, and the average concerned parent today takes precautions to keep children safe.  Here's the way I feel as a parent in today's society: I let my kids explore and experiment as much as possible, within limits.  Kids have to figure things out for themselves.  So I will let my boys play in a kiddie pool in my front yard- in full view of my neighbors or anyone passing by- as long as they have shorts on.  My little brother and I played in kiddie pools naked back in the 1980s. 

Here's something else: my kids have access to computers and the internet at home.  They also have handheld game systems- and they are only 3 and 4 years old!  My oldest son has completed preschool online and is now working on kindergarten lessons- all before the age of 5!  He can navigate a computer, a cell phone, the TV, etc.  My younger son isn't quite as advanced, but he can work anything with a touch screen!

And let's talk about food.  With more moms having jobs these days (including me), the sit-down, home cooked family dinner is falling by the wayside.  I grew up having family dinner with both my parents and my brother almost every night- I would say at least 5 days out of 7.  Some families still manage this, but many more don't.  Frozen and processed foods are being consumed more than ever. 

Kids today are much fatter because of not getting balanced meals, in addition to being glued to their electronic gadgets.  I remember climbing trees, riding my bike, and going to the lake as a kid.  I got outside.  I sincerely hope that my kids continue to like being outdoors.  Right now, they play at parks and run around at my parent's house in the boonies, but who knows what the future holds?

"I'm just a mom"

My friend posted the above picture on facebook and made me think.

Why DO women say "I'm just a mom?"  Because in today's American culture, feminism is the norm.  Women are expected to have kids, a career, and manage a household.  If a woman does not have a job because she chooses to focus on raising her kids, she is made to feel like she is a lesser person.  There really are deadbeat moms out there, but there are also moms who are truly super dedicated to their kids.  They have the ability to have a career, but they choose to put that on hold in favor of giving their kids more attention.  These moms may say, "I'm just a mom," but the title "mom" encompasses so much more to these ladies.  These fabulous mothers are everything to their kids: nurses, friends, playmates, a shoulder to cry on, and much more.  These super engaged mothers make sure their kids have time to play outside, read them books at night, keep them fed, engage them in extra activities like sports, and most of all- mothers protect their children.  They protect their kids' imagination, ego, heart, and health.  All of this while trying not to be overbearing, because children need to spread their wings.

I'm of the opinion that stay-at-home moms should be given the title "professional mom" and a small salary while they are out of the job market, because they really are doing an important job: raising our future.

My own mom was a stay-at-home mom throughout most of my childhood.  She kept on top of my medical conditions, made sure the doctor's paid attention to me, and kept me alive.  I was a very picky eater, but my mom still managed to keep me fed.  She forced me out of my comfort zone and made me take ballet lessons starting at age five.  I cried every time she dropped me off and I know it must have been hard for her leave, but it helped me learn how to interact with other kids and work together with them.  She knew what was best for me.  My mom was there for every part of my life, even as I grew older.  I absolutely believed everything my mom told me because I thought she knew everything.  Some of her gems included, "Boogers turn to worms in your stomach" and "bubble gum sticks to your ribs if you swallow it."  She meant well.  I could always talk to her about 99% of the thoughts in my head.  She is one of my best friends and I know that I can always count on her.

My sister-in-law is also a very dedicated mom.  She had a part-time job until she had her daughter.  Now she is a full-time mother, and she's very good at it.  She keeps Lexi healthy and fed, and gets her out of the house for activities almost every day.  Lexi is the happiest little girl, and it is all because of her mom.  I love my brother, but he's at work a lot and so Lexi spends most of her time with her mom.

My friend has four daughters, and she is unable to work.  She is in pain a lot of the time due to some medical problems, but she still manages to keep her girls healthy and fed and in school.  Her situation is often difficult and precarious, but she hangs on and gets through every tough spot while trying to keep her kids' lives running as smooth as possible.  Many women in her situation would have given up a long time ago, but she keeps going and doing the best she can. Why? Because of the fierce love she has for her daughters.  That level of love and determination in the face of such major obstacles is an inspiration for all who know her.

I know from personal experience how hard it is to leave your baby and go to work, but some mothers do not have a choice.  There are bills to be paid.  These are also strong mothers, because although they must work, they always find time for their kids.  I'm not suggesting every mom should stay at home, because I know that's impossible.  I am JUST saying that women everywhere should be proud to say, "I'm just a mom."

lack of plans

Recently my best friend asked me what my goals and ambitions for my future are.  That made me stop and think.  Because here's the deal: I don't really have any specific goals set.  No ambitions, no clear path. 

Growing up, I always expected to get a college degree, get married, have kids, and have some kind of career.  I knew the proper order I was expected to accomplish these things.  However, I have never been the type of person to really know what I want.  Some kids know what they want to be when they grow up, and they stick with that goal until they've completed it.  Not me.  I kept changing my mind, from a young age right up until now.  If I make a decision, I have to act on it right away, or I will most likely change my mind. 

I loved writing stories as a child, so my first dream was to be a writer.  Needless to say, that didn't happen.  I wasn't good enough.  I was really never good enough for anything.  I'm not particularly skilled in anything.  I'm average.  I majored in education in my first year of college because at that time I wanted to be a French teacher.  I still like the idea of being a teacher, but it's just not in the cards for me. I dropped out after a year of college, but returned 7 years later to major in criminal justice.  I am one year away from having my Bachelor's degree, but I dropped out again. 

Well, now that I think of it, I am skilled at some things: I am a VERY good cashier and stocker.  I am an expert at helping customers (when I feel like it).  I'm a good listener, I'm very loyal to my friends and family, and I'm super honest. 

Are those skills for a successful career? No.  I can't type correctly, I can't figure out Excel, and I can't do any kind of job that requires me to be in top health. 

Basically, I have lived my life day by day ever since I left my parent's house 10 years ago.  I make it through each day the best I can.  I'm alive.  I would say that my motivation is my kids, and the only goal I have is to do what it takes to survive.