Tattoos that I will never be able to afford . . .

Yes, when you are poor, or just working class, you really can't justify the expense. It's a sad situation for me, because I'm not a drinker or smoker. Getting tattooed is a release for me. It's pain of my own choice.  It's the only activity that can force me into "the zone," which might be close to meditation, but I wouldn't know.  The several tattoos I already have do not completely describe me.  It's very addicting, beautiful, and meaningful.  Unfortunately, it is also prohibitively expensive. 

Well, a girl can dream, right?

This special rat, for obvious reasons:

So, my husband wants a pinup of Marilyn Monroe on his arm, so I would have to go with something more to my taste.

 














I love to read. In fact, I have spent my life in countless other worlds, rather than face the pain and sadness of my own.  I would like some sort of book tattoo, and I'd like to find a really good quote to ink on my free arm.

 

Turtles are kind of my thing.

 

I would get the letters "OB" or the word "OddBall" in remembrance of the best cat ever.

Counting my Boons

I will start with my Treasures in life.

1) My husband. He is my rock. He makes me laugh. He has a cute tushy, and his arms . . . .
Anyway. He works super hard at a thankless job where he could be injured at any moment, and for which he has not been given a raise in 8 years. This dude is mine.  I live for this dude. And he lives for me. We've been together for 10 years, and we want to see at least 10 more.

2) My boys. I remember being pregnant with my first baby, and I was just so in love with our cat, OB.  OB was a kitten growing up while I was pregnant with Tyger, and I was constantly rubbing OB, cuddling him, petting him, and giving him all the love I had in my heart.  I actually remember telling Troy that I was worried about having any love left over for the new baby.  But when I first got to see Tyger, and hold him, it was love at first sight. My heart was full to bursting. I was afraid to touch him at first, but I got over that.  And when I got pregnant with Cougar, I didn't think I would have any room left in my heart for him. But guess what? I got out of my bed the day after having a C-section, and got myself checked out of the hospital so I could go see him. And when I finally saw him, it was love at first sight, too.  My family was complete. I would be lost without them, and they continue to be the reason I get out of bed every day. I just cannot stand to let them down in any way.  When they are sad, I am sad.   They made me a mom.

3) I am alive, and at the moment I can use all of my bodily appendages. I may be in pain, I may have some undiagnosed disease to add to all the other stuff that's wrong with me, but I am alive.

4) I have shelter.  I live in an okay house, with 3 bedrooms. I have running water and electricity.  I have a bed to sleep in.

5) I have plenty of clothes to wear for all seasons, and I do not buy new unless some clothing item becomes irreparable.  I also have plenty of shoes for all occasions.

6) My grandma is still my best friend.  She is a huge part of my life. I think about her every day and I wonder what she would do in certain situations. Like, "Would Grandma be happy or sad if I made this decision?" I am always wondering about what Grandma would do. I love my grandma more than I can express. SHE IS LOVE.

7) My parents. I know I am lucky to have them. They raised me, taught me everything they thought I should know before I flew the coop.
MOM.
My mom taught me how to use a potty, she taught me how to eat, she taught me how to dress myself, how to brush my teeth and hair, how to shave my legs, and what to do when Aunt Flo came for a visit. She also showed me by example that it is okay to show your feelings. It is okay to cry, it is okay to laugh.  She also showed me by example that it is so much more fun to let yourself become immersed in a book or movie. Feel free to FEEL. She taught me to cook meals for the family when I was 13. Unsupervised, I made most of the family's meals until I got a job at age 16.
DAD.
My dad is truly a treasure in my life, because he is always there when I need him.  He taught me to drive, automatic and stick. He tried to teach me to change a tire. He took me to get my first car an oil change, so that I would know what to expect. And I always filled my own gas. When I was a kid, my dad would rub my back until I fell asleep. My dad taught me everything I know about computers. He gave me my love for Star Wars, ELO, and sci-fi books. My dad is whom I call when I have any kind of question because he knows everything.

Bucket List

I'm 34, and there are many things that I have not done. Some of them are plausible, even possible, and I will list them here:

                                           Bucket List

1. Float a river, either by canoe or by tube.

2. Go on a guided tour to search for Bigfoot, just for kicks.

3. Immortalize my mother on my arm.

4. Stay in a room at Inn Boonsboro in Maryland. Check out the bookstore nearby.

5. Spend a day or two exploring Central Park in NYC.

6. Be in the audience at a late-night talk show in NYC, preferably Jimmy Fallon.

7. Go to a comedy club or show.

8. Explore San Francisco for a couple days.

9. I'd like to see Beck perform live.

10. Weird Al concert.

11. Ride a gentle horse for an entire trail.

12. Go to Scotland and find the town called Templeton. Explore old castles and hang out in pubs.

13. Go to Ireland and admire the scenery.  Explore old castles.

14. Go to Romania and do the Transylvania Castle Tour. Buy some clothes from the vendors in the streets.

15. Pick one fun girlfriend and go to a bar and get drunk.

16. Karaoke

                                             Translvania

                                  Inn Boonsboro

                               Floating a river

                                         Bigfoot search

                                             Scotland

                                           gentle horse

                                            drunk with a girlfriend

The best of us

                                                          Best Uncle Ever
                                                          Uncle Kenny
                                              written by niece Gwendolyn

I can't think of my childhood without visions of Uncle Kenny popping into my head.  He was always there, calling me "Princess" right up into my early 20s.  I used to spend a lot of time with my cousin Jaime, who is Uncle Kenny's oldest daughter. He was always happy, ready to play, willing to help. Up until I was about 12, the typical Sunday would include going to church in the morning, with me and Jaime going to Sunday School together and then sitting together on the family pew for the church service. After church, the whole family who had attended that service would go out to eat somewhere, after which I would beg to go play with Jaime. Uncle Kenny was always willing to let us play.

He showed up at the hospital for the vast majority of my surgeries until I turned 20, I think.  People just don't realize what a difference it makes to get visitors when you are feeling bad and stuck in a hospital bed.  It was actually a bigger effort for him, because he was very uncomfortable being around needles, etc.  I look back now, and I am extremely appreciative of what he did.

I remember calling him when I was in high school, because I couldn't figure out a math problem.  I think it was probably an Algebra 3 problem, but let me say this, Uncle Kenny was SMART.

He showed genuine interest in all my boyfriends, even the sketchy ones.

On one occasion, I called him and cried through an entire conversation because I had just had my heart broken by my first husband. I'm sure he felt uncomfortable with that sort of thing, but he hung on and kept talking to me. (I would actually LOVE to know what he really thought of my first husband and the end of that marriage.)

If I ever complained to him about a job, or about my severe depression, he would say that there is a silver lining to every cloud.  He wanted me to find something about my job that I actually enjoyed- he said there was something good to be found in any job, or in any day. He was so totally happy and upbeat and just genuinely NICE all the time. Sometimes I would say something inflammatory to him just to get a reaction, but he always stayed chill. I know that he did not approve of some of my life choices, but he never came out and criticized me. I wish he had.  I held him in such high esteem that I would've listened.

If I had ever asked him for anything, I know he would've done his best to help.

And then there's Cougar, my son. He needed open-heart surgery at 3 months old, and he ended up staying in the hospital for 8 weeks. He almost died several times, and it was very stressful for me. Well, once the surgery was over, we didn't get many visitors up in Cougar's PICU room.  And HERE is why I just think Uncle Kenny was one of the best people to ever inhabit Earth: The first time he saw Cougar after surgery was actually before they had sewed his chest shut. Now, this baby was covered in tubes and wires snaking in and out of his little body, but his chest was wide open. And my Uncle Kenny stood and looked at all that horrible stuff going on with my baby.  And he made several more visits while Cougar slowly recovered over the 8 weeks. Sometimes we would all eat in the hospital cafeteria and talk about Cougar, but also other topics.

When Cougar was old enough to play without hurting himself, Uncle Kenny was on it.  He played with both of my boys, but Cougar really had an attachment to him, and I think it was mutual.

We didn't deserve to lose him so soon. It was not his time. He had more living to do. Everyone is still broken up about it.  I'm crying right now.  Grandma and my mom still cry over it. WHY did the best one of us have to be taken?

Such a man

Okay, so here are some life experiences I missed out on, and some life experiences that may not be “normal.”

1.     I’ve never experienced the “bar scene.” I went to the Bricktown Brewery a couple of times, once with my parents and once for my 10-year HS reunion. I went to some other bar once with my husband to meet some of his old friends.  And that is the sum total. I truly don’t know what it’s like to be a single adult woman, so I would not know what to expect at a bar.

2.     I never went to a real party in high school or college. When it was my birthday, my mom would bake me a cake or cookie or brownie, and my extended family would come over, and we’d have my birthday party: I sat on a chair, everyone sang me the song, we ate cake, I opened presents, etc. So . . . maybe I was too lame to be invited to anybody’s party?  I will never know, but it did make me feel left out back then.

3.     Even though I lusted hard after most of the guys in my high school at one point or another, not a single one of them asked me out.  I met my first boyfriend when we both worked at Dairy Queen. I was 17.

4.     I got a speeding ticket just after midnight when I turned 18. Some birthday present that was.

5.     I used to buy my underage friends and coworkers cigarettes and liquor. I never charged for my services, and none of them died.

6.     The older I get, the less I feel like a woman.

7.     I have never been a waitress because I think it is too difficult a job.

8.     I have had 13 jobs since turning 16. It’s been 18 years.

9.     I can name almost all 1980s movies just by looking at one screenshot.

10.  My taste in music has been heavily influenced by my mom, certain friends, and the time period I grew up in. As a result, I like 60s rock, 70s rock and funk, most 80s music, and certain alternative selections from the 90s. I also like certain movie musical soundtracks.

11.  My mom taught me the electric slide and the grapevine, but I can also do the mashed potato, the skate, the charleston, and the twist.  None of those were popular after the 70s.

12.  As a kid, I may have convinced my brother he was an alien.

13.  I believe reading books has saved my life.

14.  When Maryann from the Babysitter’s Club books got her hair cut into a bob, I did, too. I was 10, and it was not a good look for me.

15.  I stopped wearing contacts at age 21 because I’m allergic.

16.  I stopped wearing all makeup except for concealer when I developed an allergy to all mascaras.  My eyes swell up and I can’t see, so it doesn’t seem to be worth it anymore.

17.  Yes, I still have one breast implant, but I would hack off both boobs if I could. They served their purpose, and now they are retired.

18.  I don’t like women’s clothing.  I would prefer to wear band t-shirts and jeans all the time. Flannel shirts when it’s cold. Flip-flops all year round. No bras, ever. Panties, only 7 days a month.

19.  I want to shave my hair off and keep it like that this time. Having hair is just a pain.

20. One unintended result of all my jaw surgeries is that now I can wink. I never could before, but now half of my face is f*cked up.

About Feb 8, 2017.

I'm 34

34 Typically Unknown Facts About Me

1. I was not breastfed as a baby.  My mother wanted to, but the doctors said that they needed to be able to measure how much I was eating, due to my heart troubles.

2. I did try to breastfeed my babies, but with Tyger my milk ran out at around 5 months because I did not know how to keep it up while going to work. Cougar was too weak to eat, and he was on a feeding tube from 6 weeks to 3 years. I pumped milk for him for about 5 months.

3. I would like to get a tattoo of a cute, fat rat eating a piece of cheese on my thigh just above the knee. Nobody will understand it.

4. I would like to visit Scotland and Ireland to see the castles and to check out some pubs.

5. I'd also like to take a train to California, or maybe all around the country.

6. I want my kids to spend a week of every summer at the lake so they can experience camping, fishing, and swimming.

7. I'd like to tell my story someday, but I don't know the ending yet.

8. I'm thinking about wearing men's pants because women's pants just never fit right. I can't wear pajama pants all day.

9. Reading books is my drug.  It's my addiction; it's what takes me away from reality.

10. I do like to drink, but only liquor, and only if it's sweet.

11. I am really into reading superhero fiction.  The best by far is 'Wearing the Cape' by Marion G. Harmon.

12. I love 80s movies.

13.I love 90s alternative music and grunge. Also 80s music, funky 70s stuff, and most 60s music.

14. My favorite clothing styles are: 90s grunge and flannel, and 70s bellbottoms.

15. However, mostly I just wear pajama pants and t-shirts at home, and jeans or khakis with loose shirts when I go out.

16. I do not wear granny panties. I much prefer to go without panties, but my mother would be horrified, so I wear bikini-cut.

17. The only reason I ever shave my legs is because I don't want to scare the hubs away.

18. I make a damn good chocolate raspberry pie. Or so I've been told.

19. Cougar says my spaghetti is the best.

20. Tyger says my fried chicken and salads are the best.

21. I really want my mom to give me her old nugget ring.

22. I prefer to wear loose t-shirts with interesting sayings or good musicians on them.

23. I'm addicted to dark chocolate, pepsi, and loaded cheese and bacon potato skins.

24. I've never read 'To Kill a Mockingbird' or 'The Adventures of Huckleberry Fin.'

25. I would love to be a test-reader for female authors.

26.I used to have the entire soundtrack to 'Grease' memorized. I would listen to it on cassette for hours. My favorite song to sing myself was Rizzo's solo "There are Worse Things I Could Do."

27. The movie Even Almighty makes me crack up every time.  I could not stop laughing loudly when I saw it in the theater the first time.  Side note: my ex was horrified by my laughing- there's a reason he's my ex.

28. When I hear the song "Beautiful Stranger" by Madonna, it takes me back to 1999- I was 16 and working at Dairy Queen.

29. I don't exude any particular style.  I just try to stay comfy and wear flip-flops all year round.

30. I don't wear jewelry besides my wedding ring. My ears do have 6 holes, so I may wear earrings again someday.

31.I have had countless pets in my life. I can't even remember them all. When I was growing up in my parent's house, the pets would always eventually get sick, run over, or attacked by some wild animal. I can only remember a few names of the dogs and cats: Valentine, Turkey, Faith, Princess, Ginger, Sam, Midnight, Bosh, Heidi, Bubba, BJ, Prince Charming. Plus a few parakeets and one cockatiel.  There is an animal graveyard on my parent's land.

32. I have been in the workforce for 18 years, and I have never worked in an office. I can do many things, but the things I cannot do are legion.

33. I inherited my dad's logical, rational mind, but I also got my mom's creativity and imagination.

34.I believe in doctor-assisted suicide, and if my body gets to a certain point, I hope it is available.

EIC

Earned Income Credit

Oil changes

Any auto repair

Dental work

Vision checkups/glasses

Any home repair

Appliance replacements

These are some of the things that many Americans can only afford once a year. Your brakes are squealing, you shred a tire, your engine won’t start? Haha, good luck with that.  You better hope it’s February, or you’ll be walking to work.   You have a toothache? That’s too bad.  You are having trouble reading road signs and you squint all the time? That’s interesting.  Your house needs a new roof? Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.  Is anything at all broken inside your house? Stove, refrigerator, washing machine?

Well. I hope for your sake that you’ve filed your income taxes, because the only way you are going to be able to afford to alleviate any of these problems is with your tax refund.  That is, if you are a member of the working poor.  If you do not live paycheck to paycheck, count yourself lucky.  Having the ability to save money is a major weight off your shoulders. 

I imagine my life without the EIC, and it’s scary because now I have to think about my kids.  Before I had kids, before I qualified for EIC, I didn’t have the same worries.  Now I have to hope that it’s February if anything breaks in the house, or if a vehicle needs work.  I hope the kids can time their toothaches to tax season.