For Tyger

Tyger

Age 0-3 Years

It was February 8, 2008, my 25th birthday, when I discovered I was pregnant with you. I was a full-time stocker at JC Penney, and I had run next door to Target on a break to buy a pregnancy test. I peed on the stick in a stall in the bathroom of JC Penney's, and two lines appeared. I knew what that meant, and I was a little stunned. The first thing I did was pull my cell phone out of my pocket and text "I'm pregnant" to your dad. He was the receiver at JC Penney's, and he was on the dock working at that moment.

I stayed working full-time at the store, but I switched positions to be a pricing associate because stockers have to lift heavy boxes and pallets and climb ladders. As a pricer, I was on my feet and constantly moving from 3 am to noon, or 5 am to 2 pm. This was five days a week, every week, including the day I went into labor with you.

It was the last day of September, and I worked all day feeling small pains every so often. When my shift ended, I waited in the car for your dad's shift to end. I told him about the pains, and he wanted to take me to the hospital. I told him to take me home, and I made a spaghetti dinner for myself and ate it all. A few hours after that, about 6 or 7 pm, the contractions were coming every 7 minutes. We went to the hospital and I did not let your dad drop me off at the front door; I wanted to be with him while he parked in the parking garage. We walked together from the car to the hospital entrance and went up the elevator to the labor and delivery floor.

I was checked in, and after a few more hours it was determined that I was in labor and the nurses moved me to a delivery room. By this time, your grandparents- my parents and your dad's mom- had arrived. I began having terrible contractions closer and closer together, but no one came to give me an epidural until I was 7 centimeters dilated. The epidural put me to sleep, and when I woke up several hours later I was in even more pain. I pushed for one hour or so, and then I gave the doctor permission to use the vacuum to suck you out.

When you came out, your dad was the first person you saw, and he cut your umbilical cord. Then you were weighed and taken away to the NICU because you did not cry. You were 7 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches long. I didn't get to hold you or see you until the next day. You were so tiny and perfect and I was overwhelmed with love for you that has only grown over the years. You stayed in the hospital for four days to be treated with antibiotics, and then we brought you home. You were half breastfed and half bottle fed until you were five months old, and then you had only formula. I would’ve breastfed you longer, but you were my first baby and I didn’t know what I was doing. My milk ran out too soon.

The first week, your dad had time off work to spend with us. We were a happy little family in our one-bedroom apartment in Midwest City. Your dad and I were totally enthralled with you. Everyone in both our extended families remarked on how pretty you were and what big blue eyes you had. After 4 weeks, I went back to work, but only part-time. You stayed at Grandma’s house during my shifts. I only lasted 3 months back at work before I had to quit to be with you full-time because your dad got a better job. You were born in October, Daddy got his new job in January, and I became a stay-at-home mom in February.

We moved to a 2-bedroom rental house at 3712 Woodside Drive (Midwest City) in the winter 2 months or so after you were born. I got up with you every morning, fed you, watched some Price is Right and other shows while you played with your toys, and waited for Daddy to come home every day. Sometimes I took you to Grandma’s house, and sometimes we went shopping during the day. Sometimes your great-grandparents would come to visit.

(When you were almost a month old, you had your first Halloween. We made you a pumpkin. For your next Halloween, you were a skeleton. The next year, Scooby Doo. This last year, a smurf. Daddy, me, you and Cougar were all smurfs.)

Your birth inspired me to make something out of myself and help to better provide for you. I had 20 college credits from Rose State that I’d acquired right after high school, but I hadn’t been in school since then- about 6 years. I did not enjoy school, and I had strong opinions about the actual value of a college degree. But you changed all that. I saw the future in you, and enrolled in an online university that was physically located in Iowa. I was determined to get my bachelor’s degree to help give you a better life. I attended the online school from February 2009 to December 2009.

I became pregnant with your brother around April of 2009, and continued caring for you and doing my schoolwork until I gave birth to Cougar in January. You were 15 months old, and a mischievous, beautiful, very lovable little boy. You started walking on Halloween of 2009. You were very tall and skinny for your age, and I was constantly worried about your food intake. Your dad and I kept your hair long until you were old enough to say you wanted it cut, which was around age 3. Until then, everyone thought you were a little girl because you were so beautiful and had such pretty hair, even though we dressed you like a boy.

Your first Christmas you were the center of attention, being the only grandchild of my parents and only great-grand of my grandparents. All my cousins and aunts and uncles and my brother wanted to hold you and play with you and give you toys. Everyone loved you. Your first birthday party was at Grandma’s house, and she made you a special cake decorated with Tigger. By then, I was six months pregnant and tired all the time, so I let Grandma plan most of the party. Most of your extended family showed up, and you got lots of presents. You were such a happy little boy.

As soon as Cougar was born, everything changed for you, Daddy, and especially me. Cougar was in the hospital most of his life until he was about 5 months old. During that time, I was living in the hospital for week-long stays to be near Cougar, because he was struggling to survive. I missed you so much during those times that I had to be away from you that I was crying a lot. When Cougar finally got to come home for good, we all adjusted to being a 4-person family. You started playing with your brother and everyone was happy.

You had your 2<sup>nd birthday party at the park. It was very windy and the cake I made for you didn’t come out right. However, the cupcakes I made were good, and you enjoyed playing on the swings. That Christmas, you shared the spotlight with your brother and your baby cousin Lexi. You babies were all so cute and dressed up and spoiled rotten.

I believe your dad and I bought a house in April or May of 2011. It’s the house we are living in today (2012). It has 3 bedrooms and 1 and a half bathrooms, so you and Cougar have your own rooms. We have 2 dogs, Sugar and Spice, and 2 cats, OB and Sassy. The house is in a good neighborhood, and the elementary school is only a block or two away. We are also within walking distance of the park. You have the biggest bedroom because you are the oldest child, but you prefer sleeping in the living room with the TV on. You are very scared of the dark, and you have said that you’re scared of your bedroom windows. I cannot figure out why, but you actually sleep most of the time in your bed now. You used to sleep all night in your rocking chair at the rental house. Now it’s either the couch or your bed. You still won’t sleep properly under the covers with your head on a pillow. You sleep all over your bed with lots of random blankets piled around you, and hardly ever with a pillow under your head. You have drawn with crayon and chalk all over your walls, and you have torn up most of your storybooks. I can handle the wall-drawing because I think maybe you are just expressing your creative side, but I cannot stand you destroying books. All books are precious, and I am currently trying to get you to understand that.

Every day you wake me up by throwing off my covers and turning on the light. Then we both go and get Cougar up, and then I make you both something to eat and drink. You two play all day. Today, you woke me up to tell me you had been taking pictures all over the house while I was sleeping. When Daddy came home, we looked at the digital camera and all the pictures you had taken. You did an exceptionally good job for a 3-year-old, shooting many very good quality shots. We saw pictures from your room, the living room, kitchen, and bathroom. You took pictures of yourself in front of the mirror in your room, and pictures of the neighbor’s houses through your window. The most shocking pictures were from the bathroom, because you took pictures of yourself peeing, wee-wee and all. Your dad and I couldn’t stop laughing. I think the word for you right now is precocious.

Fast facts:

When you were born, George Bush (the 2nd one) was president, but a month later, in November, President Obama was elected. I actually took you with me in a baby sling to vote. I am a registered Democrat and your dad has never registered. His reasoning is that he doesn't want to be called for jury duty.

You were born on a leap year.

Your tree is the hazelnut tree.

Jimmy Carter (former president) and Julie Andrews (actress and singer) were born on October 1st.

Disneyworld in Florida was opened on your birthday in 1971.

The first Model T Ford was produced in 1908 on your birthday.

Your plant is ivy.

Your birth flower is marigold.

Your birthstone may be opal, tourmaline, or jasper.

Daddy wanted to name you Shadow and I wanted to name you Rhett. We compromised because we both love cats of all sizes, and especially tigers.</sup>

If 3

If if if if only . . .

If you had to identify the time or moment in your life when you felt the most free, when was it?
After my divorce was finalized . . . that same day, I went to get my ex's initials covered up on my back . . . ended up with a huge tribal butterfly tattoo.  It was extremely painful and I hadn't eaten all day, but the pain fueled me that day.  It was the biggest rush to be able to erase the visible marks the scumbag had left behind.

If you had to name the thing that most limits your freedom, what would it be?
My sense of responsibility.  I know that I have freedom of choice, and I could conceivably drop everything in my life and drive away to start anew in another state.  However, I am a responsible person, and I choose to be with my family.

If you could free yourself from one burden in life, what would it be?
Debt: student loans, medical bills, etc . . .

If you could have changed one thing about your mother's life, what would it be?
I would have made my older brother live.  He died at 3 months old, before I was born, but I know it scarred my mother forever. She had no idea he would be born with serious medical problems, and she loved him so much- her first baby.

If you could take one free service in your home each day, what would you take?
Maid service- the complete housecleaning variety.

If you had to name the best and worst diets you've ever tried, which would win and which would lose?
The worst was the grapefruit diet- I was so hungry I don't think I made it 24 hours.  The best was the Slimfast diet- the snack bars are tasty.

If you had to name the physical characteristic about yourself that most resembles your mother and the one that resembles your father, what would you pick?
Well, I think I look most like my mom, and I know I have her exact color of eyes.  My dad- he's extremely hairy.  Unfortunately, so am I.

If you had to nominate the best-dressed person you know, who would win?
My cousin Laura.  I swear, she always looks good and put together, even when pregnant or sick.

If you had to select one movie sequel that was superior to the original, what would it be?
Evan Almighty- you have to see it to believe it.

If you could learn the total number of hours you have spent in your life doing one thing, what would it be?
I'd like to know how much time I've spent undergoing and recovering from surgery.  It's gotta be a lot.

If you could have only one magazine subscription for life, which would you pick?
Mental Floss- no question about it.  It's the most fascinating magazine I have ever read, by far.

If 2

If you could have any single kind of appliance attached to your bed, what would it be?
I'd like a massager . . . for my back, of course.

If you could have a single button beside your bed that did one thing, what would you want it to do?
Pee for me.  I hate waking up from a comfy, peaceful sleep with a full bladder. 

If you had to describe your worst experience with blood, what would you say?
To avoid any period stories, I would say the time I had to get a PICC line in 2006.  Here's a description I found online: "It is long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a peripheral vein, typically in the upper arm, and advanced until the catheter tip terminates in a large vein in the chest near the heart to obtain intravenous access." These are typically inserted in patients who have no other usable veins or who will need an IV line at home for an extended period of time.  I was the latter.  At the hospital getting the PICC line, I had no numbing shot or medication to calm me. The nurse tried one arm, and my blood started shooting everywhere- it was painful and horrible.  She managed to get the line in the other arm.  The whole experience was traumatizing.

If you could have had your mind changed on one issue or decision in your lifetime, what would it have been?
I would have stayed in college instead of dropping out after one year.  I also would have gone to a 4-year college at least an hour away from my parents in order to figure out how to be independent.

If you had to name the most dangerous thing you have ever done on purpose, what would it be?
It's probably a tie between dangling my legs off the Grand Canyon and going on dates with strangers I met online.

If you were to have 3 new baby daughters, what would you name them?
Athena, Pearl, and Jaguar. If you know me, then you know why.

If you could change one thing about your country's history, what would you alter?
I would change the way the Indians were treated. 

If you could give a bronze cast of one part of your body to your most recent ex, what part would it be?
My butt, so he could kiss it.

If you had to give the same Christmas gift to everyone you know next Christmas, what would it be?
Some kind of really good, homemade dessert wrapped up prettily.

If you could make one thing come true for one friend, what would it be, and for whom?
I would make my best friend completely healthy and pain-free.

Games

Games. I am addicted to them.  Why?  I don't know.  I realize that I have lots of real-life responsibilities: my job, kids, housework, school, and most importantly, quality time with my hubby.  Yes, I regard that last as a responsibility.  I believe that you have to work to make a relationship last and stay strong, and that requires actual time spent together alone.  I usually rate working on my marriage as one of my top priorities- it is that important to me.

So, anyway, games.  I will start at the beginning: I was raised with a gaming system always present in the house, whether it was the Atari, Nintendo, Gameboy, computer, or whatever else.  From a young age, I played on my dad's Atari and my little brother's Nintendo.  I didn't play as much as my brother because, let's face it, I was a huge bookworm.  I enjoyed watching my brother play in the Nintendo, and we would spend hours with him playing and me writing down codes for him.  The main reason he played more was that I got frustrated when I couldn't pass a level, but he just persevered until he made it.  I will say this for my brother: he was, and is, a very determined person.
I continued watching him play games on the Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, and Xbox, and sometimes participating (especially on the fighting games), right up until I moved out of the house. 

When I was 10 (1993, before the Internet), my dad got our first family computer.  There I found my favorite game-playing format. I loved playing computer games, and I would stay glued to the computer as long as my family would let me.  I played the traditional games like Minesweeper and Solitaire, but I also played Warcraft 1, 2, and 3, Castle of the Winds, Wordzap, Simlife, Simcity, Simtower, and many others. When the Internet arrived at our house, that opened up a whole new world for me.  I played free online games in addition to the above computer games. 

When I was about 23, I discovered the free online game Kingdoms of Loathing, and that became my main game for the next 5 or so years.  When I joined Myspace at age 24, I mostly used it to play games.  When I joined Facebook a couple years later, I used it to play games.  Now I have a Windows phone, Samsung tablet, and a laptop computer- all of which I use to play games.  Right now my favorites are Wordament and Monster Rancher.

Now don't get me wrong- I don't use all those devices exclusively to play games.  I maintain contact with old friends and family through Facebook, I check my email, I pay bills online, I do schoolwork, I keep up with some news, I do research, I read other people's blogs, and I have my own blog.  But I can still spend hours playing online games if I'm left unchecked. 

If

Some questions from a book I found in Branson:

If you had to constantly carry a weapon of some kind, what would it be?
Definitely a gun- specifically, a .38.

If you had to spend the rest of your life in the company of a single animal, which would you choose?
I think I would enjoy a cat the most.  Cats are not too demanding, and they are super cute and cuddly when you need them to be.  Plus, they purr.

If you found out for certain there is a Heaven and Hell, how would you change your life?
I would go back to church, and this time I would actually pay attention and get involved.  I would make it a point to learn the Bible and teach it to my kids.

If you could have the hair of any Hollywood celebrity, whose would you want?
I'd pick one with long, naturally wavy hair- I'm not a huge fan of Taylor Swift, but I love her hair.

If you could have the power to hypnotize anyone for a day, who would you pick and what would you have them do?
I'll go the obvious route and say my husband.  I would make him clean out the garage and our bedroom, and perform various sexual acts on me.

What one thing gives you the most comfort?
Knowing that there are people who love me unconditionally.

If you could have witnessed one event from your family's history, what would you want to see?
The day my grandparents met.

If you could be more ambitious in only one aspect of your life, what would it be?
homemaking

If you had to nominate one person you have known for sainthood, who would you choose?
My grandma.  She is the sweetest, most forgiving person I have ever known.

What is the most important ingredient of human beauty?
Confidence.

What is the least erotic part of the human body?
I think every part is erotic, but I'll pick the elbow as being least sexy.

If you were a dog, which breed would best suit you?
Not sure- whichever one is most laid back.

What one thing repeatedly makes you angriest?
Lies

If you could change one thing about your face to make it more beautiful, what would you alter?
I'd fix my mouth- make it symmetrical again.

If you could suddenly find out that one work of fiction was actually true, what book would you select?
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer!!!!!

vacation or staycation?

My husband and I went to Branson for 2 days and nights this week.  The last time I had a real vacation was when I was 17 and my whole family went to Disney World.    That's 13 years ago.  Yeah, I've had jobs since then that gave me paid time off for vacations, but I used all that time for various surgeries.  If I'm taking time off from work, it's because something went medically wrong with me.  My husband and I never had a honeymoon, so we considered this trip our delayed honeymoon.  We had a good time together in Branson playing the typical tourists and getting along nicely.

So here's my case for vacations:
1) You are getting away from your regular life- making a complete break from daily chores and whatnot.
2) You are experiencing new things and relaxing.
3) You are adding new facets to your relationship with your partner- making memories.
4) You get to stay in a hotel at night and eat out every day.

Case for staycation:
1) You are staying in your own house where you are comfortable and near family.
2) You are saving a lot of money on gas and food and entertainment.


But here's the thing that bugs me: If you are staying home for your vacation days, you still have to keep up with the household chores.  It's not really a vacation.  Lying around your house every day and doing nothing promotes feelings of guilt and laziness.  You end up figuring that you might as well tackle some big project around the house that you've been putting off- and that, my friends, is work. 

So I say save up some money and go somewhere for your vacation.  It doesn't matter where it is, as long as it's not close to home.  Take a break and let yourself relax and have fun and not worry.  The best scenario is to take a vacation every year, but many people cannot afford that.  So go when you're able, but GO.