Marriage: The Good Stuff (AKA My husband is Going to Hate me Posting This)

MARRIAGE- The Really Good Details You Don't Find Out Till After it's too Late.

So, at this point, as I'm just about to start writing and I'm thinking about where to begin, this song popped in my head- it's by the Shangri-Las, and the particular lyrics I remembered were:

"I met him at the candy store
He turned around and smiled at me
You get the picture? Yes, we see
That's when I fell for the leader of the pack."
(vroom, vroom . . . vroom, vroom)

So I listened exclusively to music from the 50s, 60s, and 70s till I was about 13. So what?  The Shangri-Las were cool, man.

Yeah, so I met my husband at the store we were both working at, we became friends for awhile, then we dated 3-5 months, at which point I got pregnant. I found out in February, and we were married in April. I was already clued in on marriage, having been married before, but this was my husband's first marriage. I found out that there are similarities and differences in every marriage, just as in every relationship.

You might start out hiding the gross stuff from your spouse, but that doesn't last long in my experience (although there are some really uptight couples out there who maintain their personal privacies for reasons unknown). When you are with me, I throw that shit right out of the way, and let everything be open. By that, I mean farting, burping, nose picking, wedgie pulling, teeth brushing, using the john, or any and all things you might find gross for another person to see. Here's how I feel. Why build that wall? And ladies- why make applying your makeup a secret? He's going to see you without it, trust me. My biggest hurdle that I am still dealing with is brushing my teeth in front of anybody. I do not know why, but I hate people watching me brush my teeth.  You can watch me take a dump or pick my nose, but not brush my teeth.  But I have let my husband watch if he needs to be in the bathroom at the same time, and I've tried to not make it a big deal. In fact, my policy is to always leave the bathroom door open. WHY SHUT ANY DOORS BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU?

As a couple you might start out eating every meal together, and eating the same things.  Many couples do this till the end of time. But eventually it gets more relaxed for at least one or two of those meals.  For example, at lunchtime you may be at work and at breakfast you may get up earlier or later than your spouse.  So there is eventually less of a concerted effort to have those meals together.  That's my theory, anyway, based on solid evidence of my parents and grandparents.  It's also only a reality for those more average type of couples. The average is skewed when you put two people together like myself and my husband, who are very picky, and also picky about different foods.  These days, 6 years into the marriage, we eat maybe 10% of our meals together.  That's what works for us.

Now here's one that has recently made me extremely sad. Going to bed together. By that, I mean AT THE SAME TIME. If neither one of you works a graveyard shift, then go to bed together. I firmly believe in this.  I think marriages crack up when one person stays out of the bedroom later.  It's fine to stay awake later,but it is worth the effort to have that precious time each night to lie in bed talking about whatever, just the two of you, until one person falls asleep.  Then the other one is free to get back up or stay in bed reading or whatever.  My husband and I used to do this every night, but things changed several months ago and I don't know why.  I was so much happier then.

Miscommunications.  Geez, I could fill a book with all the things my husband and have misunderstood about each other.  For example, 5 years into our marriage, we went to Branson for 3 days.  The hotel room had  beds, so we slept in separate beds.  This was my idea, because I was thinking, "Oh, yeah!This is great! I get my own bed, I can stretch out, etc . . ." You can imagine what my husband was thinking and/or expecting, but he apparently was disappointed, which I didn't realize until the drive home.  DUDES OUT THERE- SPEAK THE HELL UP!!. How was I supposed to know he wanted to share a bed? Man, I thought it was a vacation just to have my own bed.  Anyway, that could've been easily resolved, but wasn't. Miscommunication.  In a marriage, if you don't understand or like something the other person is doing, speak up and let them know.  Staying silent is a killer of relationships.

I'm sure I had more examples, but at the moment I've forgotten them.  So there you go, and enjoy.