Devolution

 

Devolution: A Firsthand  Account of the Rainier Sasquatch Massacre by Max Brooks.

Cataloged as adult fiction, but I think it's more sci-fi. Published in 2020.

This book answers the question of what would happen if Mount Rainier erupted and displaced a group of Sasquatches.  What would you do if a tribe of Sasquatches were forced by volcanic eruption out of hiding? What if you were trapped in a very small and isolated village of people who don't want to believe they are being systematically and intelligently hunted by the Sasquatches? 

 

This tale is told through the eyes of the investigators who come upon the deserted community of Greenloop, and the discovered journals of a woman named Kate.  As they explore the decimated tiny town and read through the journals, a horrifying story emerges.  The evidence suggests that this community was wiped out in extremely bloody fashion by a previously unknown apex predator.

Kate's narrative is one of savagery and death, but also of resilience in the face of unexpected and terrifying circumstances. 

I listened to the audiobook version, and it was amazing.

2020 books

 So, everyone agrees 2020 was a disaster, right? Yeah. Classic dumpster fire.

Of course, it interfered with my ability to focus on reading.  How could I let myself escape while others were suffering? There but for the grace of god go I? Trudging forward . . .

In 2020, I read . . . 11 memoirs, 8 other nonfictions, 2 books of poetry, and the rest were all varying types of fiction. I listened to more audiobooks than ever, eclipsing the number of physical books I read.

I've marked my favorites with stars.  This list is in order from January 2020 to the end of December.

                                            

Based on a True Story by Norm MacDonald, 4 stars (out of 5), this is the mostly-true memoir of a comedian. 

My review: Dude is crazy. 

The Vanishing by Jayne Ann Krentz, fiction, 4 stars.
Synopsis: "Forty years ago in the small town of Fogg Lake, "The Incident" occurred: an explosion in the cave system that released unknown gases, causing peculiar effects on its residents, such as strange visions and ominous voices. Not wanting the government to get involved, they chalked it up to the hallucinogenic effects of mushrooms. Little did they know these effects would linger through the generations...."

Hot and Badgered by Shelly Laurenston, fiction, 5 stars.
Synopsis: "Honey badgers are survivors. Brutal, vicious, ill-tempered survivors. Or maybe Charlie Taylor-MacKilligan is just pissed that her useless father is trying to get them all killed again, and won’t even tell her how. Protecting her little sisters has always been her job, and she’s not about to let some pesky giant grizzly protection specialist with a network of every shifter in Manhattan get in her way."

Deep Water and Other Stories by Kathryn Trattner, fiction, 5 stars.
My review: This book of fantasy-genre short stories is an excellent example of this talented up-and-coming author's abilities. She composes fairy tales, mythological creatures, and fantastical stories in a poetic, lyrical style all her own. 

In a Badger Way by Shelly Laurenston, fiction, 5 stars. This book continues the honey badger shifter drama.

Me, Myself, and Why? by MaryJanice Davidson, fiction, 5 stars.

Synopsis: "This is an outrageously funny novel about a highly unconventional FBI agent, a rather odd serial killer, a best friend on the edge, a gorgeous baker. . . and oh, yeah, love."

Golden in Death by JD Robb, fiction (mystery), 4 stars. This is #50 in the In Death series.

Teaser: "Pediatrician Kent Abner received the package on a beautiful April morning. Inside was a cheap trinket, a golden egg that could be opened into two halves. When he pried it apart, highly toxic airborne fumes entered his body―and killed him."

Gwendy's Magic Feather by Richard Chizmar, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "Something evil has swept into the small western Maine town of Castle Rock on the heels of the latest winter storm. Sheriff Norris Ridgewick and his team are desperately searching for two missing girls, but time is running out to bring them home alive."

Final Girls by Riley Sager, fiction (thriller), 4 stars.

Teaser: "Ten years ago, college student Quincy Carpenter went on vacation with five friends and came back alone, the only survivor of a horror movie–scale massacre. In an instant, she became a member of a club no one wants to belong to—a group of similar survivors known in the press as the Final Girls."

The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager, fiction (thriller), 4 stars.

Teaser: "Fifteen years ago, summer camper Emma Davis watched sleepily as her three cabin mates snuck out of their cabin in the dead of night. The last she--and anyone--saw of them was Vivian closing the cabin door behind her, hushing Emma with a finger pressed to her lips."

Vox by Christina Dalcher, fiction (dystopian thriller), 5 stars. 

Synopsis: "Set in an America where half the population has been silenced, VOX is the harrowing, unforgettable story of what one woman will do to protect herself and her daughter.  On the day the government decrees that women are no longer allowed to speak more than 100 words daily, Dr. Jean McClellan is in denial—this can't happen here. Not in America. Not to her."

My review: This book enraged me. This is a look at what could happen if a dumbass president created new laws based entirely on wackadoodle religious beliefs and moral superiority. This is also a call to action for American citizens. Vote vote vote.

**Alone in the Wild**  by Kelley Armstrong, fiction, 5 stars.  This is #5 in the Rockton series.

Synopsis:  "Every season in Rockton seems to bring a new challenge. At least that's what Detective Casey Duncan has felt since she decided to call this place home. Between all the secretive residents, the sometimes-hostile settlers outside, and the surrounding wilderness, there's always something to worry about. While on a much needed camping vacation with her boyfriend, Sheriff Eric Dalton, Casey hears a baby crying in the woods. The sound leads them to a tragic scene: a woman buried under the snow, murdered, a baby still alive in her arms."

My Lovely Wife by Samantha Downing, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "We look like a normal couple. We're your neighbors, the parents of your kid's friend, the acquaintances you keep meaning to get dinner with. We all have secrets to keeping a marriage alive. Ours just happens to be getting away with murder." My review: Good story overall, but I was able to predict the twists.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager, fiction (thriller), 5 stars.

Teaser: "No visitors. No nights spent away from the apartment. No disturbing the other residents, all of whom are rich or famous or both. These are the only rules for Jules Larsen's new job as an apartment sitter at the Bartholomew, one of Manhattan's most high-profile and mysterious buildings. Recently heartbroken and just plain broke, Jules is taken in by the splendor of her surroundings and accepts the terms, ready to leave her past life behind."

The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay, fiction (apocalyptic), 4 stars.

Teaser: "An unbearably tense, gripping tale of paranoia, sacrifice, apocalypse, and survival that escalates to a shattering conclusion, one in which the fate of a loving family and quite possibly all of humanity are entwined."

Hideaway by Nora Roberts, fiction (romantic suspense), 4 stars.

Teaser: "Caitlyn Sullivan, a daughter of Hollywood royalty, was already a star at ten, but still loved to play hide-and-seek with her cousins at the family home in Big Sur. It was during one of those games that she disappeared." 

The Broken Girls by Simone St. James, fiction (suspense), 5 stars.

Teaser: "There's a place for the girls whom no one wants--the troublemakers, the illegitimate, the too smart for their own good. It's called Idlewild Hall. And in the small town where it's located, there are rumors that the boarding school is haunted. Four roommates bond over their whispered fears, their budding friendship blossoming--until one of them mysteriously disappears. . . ."

The Escape Room by Megan Goldin, fiction, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Vincent, Jules, Sylvie, and Sam are ruthlessly ambitious high-flyers working in the lucrative world of Wall Street finance where deception and intimidation thrive. Getting rich is all that matters, and they'll do anything to reach the top.  When they are ordered to participate in a corporate team-building exercise that requires them to escape from a locked elevator, dark secrets of their team begin to be laid bare."

My review: I never want to be an investment banker.

The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James, fiction (suspense), 4 stars.

Teaser: "Upstate NY, 1982. Every small town like Fell, New York, has a place like the Sun Down Motel. Some customers are from out of town, passing through on their way to someplace better. Some are locals, trying to hide their secrets. Viv Delaney works as the night clerk to pay for her move to New York City. But something isn't right at the Sun Down, and before long she's determined to uncover all of the secrets."

My review: Solid thriller with ghosts.

Badger to the Bone by Shelly Laurenston, fiction, 5 stars. Continuing the honey badger shifter series.

Smoke Bitten by Patricia Briggs, fiction, 5 stars. This is #12 in the Mercy Thompson series.

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix, fiction, 4 stars.

Synopsis: "A Southern-flavored supernatural thriller set in the '90s about a women's book club that must protect its suburban community from a mysterious and handsome stranger who turns out to be a blood-sucking fiend."

Small Potatoes by Sarah Hunt, nonfiction, 2 stars.

Synopsis: "Enjoy the misanthropic musings of humorist Sarah Hunt as she takes you through a journey of essays about the minutiae."

My review: This book was not what I expected at all. It was very short, with large font and larger spaces. The author did write some interesting life stories, but the overall book felt abbreviated and pointless. There was no meat and no flow.

Eyeshot by Taylor Adams, fiction (thriller), 4 stars.

Teaser: "James and Elle Eversman are a young couple travelling through the Mojave desert on their way to a new life. When their car mysteriously breaks down they are stranded in the middle of nowhere without much water and no cell-phone reception.  A mile away a deadly sniper has them in his cross-hairs. They are pinned down behind their broken-down car, surrounded by open ground in all directions. There’s nowhere to run and no one to help them. How can they possibly survive?"

Montana Sky by Nora Roberts, fiction (romantic suspense), 4 stars.

Synopsis: "When Jack Mercy died, he left behind a ranch worth nearly twenty million dollars. Now his three daughters—each born of a different mother, and each unknown by the others—are gathered to hear the reading of the will. But the women are shocked to learn that before any of them can inherit, they must live together on the ranch for one year."

I'm Your Huckleberry by Val Kilmer, memoir, 4 stars.

Synopsis: "Legendary actor Val Kilmer shares the stories behind his most beloved roles, reminisces about his star-studded career and love life, and reveals the truth behind his recent health struggles in a remarkably candid autobiography."

Hidden Salem by Kay Hooper, fiction, 4 stars. This is #19 in the Bishop/SCU series.

Dot Con by James Veitch, nonfiction, 4 stars.

Synopsis: "Dot Con is the story of what happened when James Veitch decided to play the scammers at their own game providing a hilarious showcase of the conversations he orchestrates with online imposters." 

**My Dark Vanessa** by Kate Elizabeth Russell, fiction, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Exploring the psychological dynamics of the relationship between a precocious yet naïve teenage girl and her magnetic and manipulative teacher, a brilliant, all-consuming read that marks the explosive debut of an extraordinary new writer."

My review: Completely absorbing and disturbingly intense. Extremely well-written. 

Look Alive Twenty-Five by Janet Evanovich, fiction, 3 stars. This is #25 in the Stephanie Plum series.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty, nonfiction, 4 stars.

Synopsis: "Most people want to avoid thinking about death, but Caitlin Doughty—a twenty-something with a degree in medieval history and a flair for the macabre—took a job at a crematory, turning morbid curiosity into her life’s work. Thrown into a profession of gallows humor and vivid characters (both living and very dead), Caitlin learned to navigate the secretive culture of those who care for the deceased."

My review: Informative and interesting.

Troublemaker by Leah Remini, memoir, 5 stars.

Synopsis: "The outspoken actress, talk show host, and reality television star offers up a no-holds-barred memoir, including an eye-opening insider account of her tumultuous and heart-wrenching thirty-year-plus association with the Church of Scientology."

Jar of Hearts by Jennifer Hillier, fiction, 5 stars.

Teaser: "This is the story of three best friends: one who was murdered, one who went to prison, and one who's been searching for the truth all these years . . ."

Where Have All the Boys Gone? by Jenny Colgan, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "A hilarious romance about a woman who trades in the comforts of city life in hopes of finding love in a small Scottish town in the middle of nowhere."

The Wives by Tarryn Fisher, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "Thursday’s husband, Seth, has two other wives. She’s never met them, and she doesn’t know anything about them. She agreed to this unusual arrangement because she’s so crazy about him. But one day, she finds something. Something that tells a very different—and horrifying—story about the man she married."

My review: This story kept my attention. Talk about an unreliable narrator!

Wild Irish Heart by Tricia O'Malley, fiction, 3 stars.

Teaser: "An ancient book, a power untouched, and a heart unloved lead Keelin O'Brien from her graduate studies in Boston to a small village on the coast of Southern Ireland. Determined to unearth the secrets lying hidden in the enchanted waters of the cove, Keelin has little time for a surly Irishman who infuriates her during the day and haunts her fantasies at night."

My review: Cute story, amateurish writing.

Break Your Glass Slippers by Amanda Lovelace, poetry, 5 stars.

Dragon Actually by G. A. Aiken, fiction, 3 stars.

Book Love by Debbie Tung, comic memoir, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Bookworms rejoice! These charming comics capture exactly what it feels like to be head-over-heels for hardcovers. And paperbacks! And ebooks! And bookstores! And libraries!"

Quiet Girl in a Noisy World by Debbie Tung, comic memoir, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Sweet, funny, and quietly poignant, Debbie Tung’s comics reveal the ups and downs of coming of age as an introvert."

Sucker Punch by Laurell K Hamilton, fiction, 3 stars. This is #27 in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series.

**This Is Going to Hurt** by Adam Kay, medical memoir, 5 stars.

My review: This book was hilarious. Real stories from a former OBGYN in England.

Shadows in Death by JD Robb, fiction, 5 stars. This is #51 in the In Death series.

Generation Friends by Saul Austerlitz, non-fiction, 5 stars.

Synopsis: "A fascinating behind-the-scenes look at Friends, published for the twenty-fifth anniversary of the show’s premiere, including brand-new interviews with the series creators."

The Nothing Man by Catherine Ryan Howard, fiction (thriller), 4 stars.

Teaser: "At the age of twelve, Eve Black was the only member of her family to survive an encounter with serial attacker the Nothing Man. Now an adult, she is obsessed with identifying the man who destroyed her life.  Supermarket security guard Jim Doyle has just started reading The Nothing Man--the true-crime memoir Eve has written about her efforts to track down her family's killer. As he turns each page, his rage grows. Because Jim's not just interested in reading about the Nothing Man. He is the Nothing Man."

Action Park by Andy Mulvihill, non-fiction, 4 stars.

Description: "The outlandish, hilarious, terrifying, and almost impossible-to-believe story of the legendary, dangerous amusement park where millions were entertained and almost as many bruises were sustained, told through the eyes of the founder's son."

**Don't Look For Me** by Wendy Walker, fiction (thriller), 5 stars.

Teaser: "One night, Molly Clarke walked away from her life. The car abandoned miles from home. The note found at a nearby hotel. The shattered family that couldn't be put back together. It happens all the time. Women disappear, desperate to leave their lives behind and start over. She doesn't want to be found. Or at least, that's the story. But is that what really happened to Molly Clarke?"

My review: This book will keep you guessing right to the end.

**Into the Drowning Deep** by Mira Grant, fiction, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Seven years ago, the Atargatis set off on a voyage to the Mariana Trench to film a “mockumentary” bringing to life ancient sea creatures of legend. It was lost at sea with all hands. Some have called it a hoax; others have called it a maritime tragedy.

Now, a new crew has been assembled. But this time they’re not out to entertain. Some seek to validate their life’s work. Some seek the greatest hunt of all. Some seek the truth. But for the ambitious young scientist Victoria Stewart this is a voyage to uncover the fate of the sister she lost."

Home Before Dark by Riley Sager, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "A woman returns to the house made famous by her father’s bestselling horror memoir. Is the place really haunted by evil forces, as her father claimed? Or are there more earthbound—and dangerous—secrets hidden within its walls?"

To Drink Coffee With a Ghost by Amanda Lovelace, poetry, 3 stars.

The Chain by Adrian McKinty, fiction (thriller), 4 stars.

Teaser: "It’s something parents do every morning: Rachel Klein drops her daughter at the bus stop and heads into her day. But a cell phone call from an unknown number changes everything: it’s a woman on the line, informing her that she has Kylie bound and gagged in her back seat, and the only way Rachel will see her again is to follow her instructions exactly: pay a ransom, and find another child to abduct. This is no ordinary kidnapping: the caller is a mother herself, whose son has been taken, and if Rachel doesn’t do as she’s told, the boy will die."

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "A richly inventive novel about a centuries-old vampire, a spellbound witch, and the mysterious manuscript that draws them together."

Happily Ever After by Debbie Tung, comic memoir, 5 stars.

Synopsis: "A collection of comics about married life, specifically an introvert married to an extrovert."

Idiot by Laura Clery, memoir, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Now, in her first-ever book, Laura recounts how she went from being a dangerously impulsive, broke, unemployable, suicidal, cocaine-addicted narcissist, crippled by fear and hopping from one toxic romance to the next…to a more-happy-than-not, somewhat rational, meditating, vegan yogi with good credit, a great marriage, a fantastic career, and four unfortunate-looking rescue animals."

Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix, fiction, 3 stars.

Teaser: "Something strange is happening at the Orsk furniture superstore in Cleveland, Ohio. Every morning, employees arrive to find broken Kjerring bookshelves, shattered Glans water goblets, and smashed Liripip wardrobes. Sales are down, security cameras reveal nothing, and store managers are panicking.  To unravel the mystery, three employees volunteer to work a nine-hour dusk-till-dawn shift. In the dead of the night, they’ll patrol the empty showroom floor, investigate strange sights and sounds, and encounter horrors that defy the imagination."

My review: Gross and unsatisfying.

**Solutions and Other Problems** by Allie Brosh, illustrated memoir, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Solutions and Other Problems includes humorous stories from Allie Brosh’s childhood; the adventures of her very bad animals; merciless dissection of her own character flaws; incisive essays on grief, loneliness, and powerlessness; as well as reflections on the absurdity of modern life."

My review: This book was worth the wait. It made me laugh and it made me cry. I want to gift it to everyone I know.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou, memoir, 5 stars.

Synopsis: "Sent by their mother to live with their devout, self-sufficient grandmother in a small Southern town, Maya and her brother, Bailey, endure the ache of abandonment and the prejudice of the local "powhitetrash." At eight years old and back at her mother’s side in St. Louis, Maya is attacked by a man many times her age—and has to live with the consequences for a lifetime. Years later, in San Francisco, Maya learns that love for herself, the kindness of others, her own strong spirit, and the ideas of great authors ("I met and fell in love with William Shakespeare") will allow her to be free instead of imprisoned."

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey, memoir, 4 stars.

Synopsis: "From the Academy Award®–winning actor, an unconventional memoir filled with raucous stories, outlaw wisdom, and lessons learned the hard way about living with greater satisfaction."

My review: Interesting, funny, and offbeat.

On Writing by Stephen King, memoir, 5 stars.

Teaser: "Part memoir, part master class by one of the bestselling authors of all time, this superb volume is a revealing and practical view of the writer's craft, comprising the basic tools of the trade every writer must have. King's advice is grounded in his vivid memories from childhood through his emergence as a writer, from his struggling early career to his widely reported near-fatal accident in 1999 -- and how the inextricable link between writing and living spurred his recovery."

My review: I read this book because I've always thought Stephen King was an interesting dude. Loved it. 

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, memoir, 5 stars.

Teaser: "A tender, moving tale of unconditional love in a family that, despite its profound flaws, gave the author the fiery determination to carve out a successful life on her own terms."

A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost, memoir, 5 stars.

Synopsis: "From growing up in a family of firefighters on Staten Island to commuting three hours a day to high school and “seeing the sights” (like watching a Russian woman throw a stroller off the back of a ferry), to attending Harvard while Facebook was created, Jost shares how he has navigated the world like a slightly smarter Forrest Gump."

The Awakening by Nora Roberts, fiction, 5 stars.

Teaser: "When Breen Kelly was a girl, her father would tell her stories of magical places. Now she’s an anxious twentysomething mired in student debt and working a job she hates. But one day she stumbles upon a shocking discovery: her mother has been hiding an investment account in her name. It has been funded by her long-lost father—and it’s worth nearly four million dollars."

Shifting Dreams by Elizabeth Hunter, fiction, 4 stars.

Teaser: "Somedays, Jena Crowe just can’t get a break. Work at her diner never ends, her two boys are bundles of energy, and she’s pretty sure her oldest is about to shift into something furry or feathery. Added to that, changes seem to be coming to the tiny town of Cambio Springs—big changes that not everyone in the isolated town of shapeshifters is thrilled about."

**Where the Forest Meets the Stars** by Glendy Vanderah, fiction, 5 stars.

Teaser: "In this gorgeously stunning debut, a mysterious child teaches two strangers how to love and trust again."

My review: This is the best book I've read in a long time. It combines just the right amount of magic and wonder with science and family dynamics.

Confessions on the 7:45 by Lisa Unger, fiction (thriller), 4 stars.

Teaser: "A gripping thriller about the delicate facades we create around our lives."

Fortune and Glory by Janet Evanovich, fiction, 4 stars. This is #27 in the Stephanie Plum series.

Memoirs I Enjoyed

I love learning about other peoples' lives, so it's no surprise that I've read a bunch of memoirs and autobiographies.  These are some of my favorites.

Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt is my all-time favorite memoir.  He describes how he grew up in the slums of Limerick, Ireland after being born in Depression-era Brooklyn to Irish immigrants. 

Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth is about the experiences of a trainee midwife in London in the 1950s.  

Educated by Tara Westover is her life story of being born to a family of survivalists who did not send their kids to school or hospitals.  The kids had to try to teach themselves if they wanted any education, and all illnesses and injuries were treated at home with herbal remedies and superstition.  

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. This man is younger than me but he's already lived such an incredible life.

Let's Pretend this Never Happened and  Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson are two of the best books I have ever read.  The author is hilarious and raw and honest and her life story is interesting and helpful, particularly to people who have anxiety and/or depression.

Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things that Happened and Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh.  These two books made me laugh and cry and I love them. They are illustrated accounts of her memories and struggles.

This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor by Adam Kay is his account of his days as a British OBGYN. Dude is crazy funny, and his point is well made.

Ghost in the Wires: My Adventures as the World's Most Wanted Hacker by Kevin D. Mitnick is about his adventures as a phone and computer hacker.

Hand to Mouth: Living in Bootstrap America by Linda Tirado is about her struggles as a member of the working poor in America. Very telling.

How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran is the memoir of this funny British lady.

Idiot by Laura Clery.  Hilarious. I follow her online videos, and she's a rare type of lady.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. Powerful and compelling life story.

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J D Vance.  Success story with considerable insight into a specific culture that many people overlook.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty. Informative and interesting look at the death industry.

The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkel.  This book is very well-researched, and only came about due to the extreme tenacity of the author. I did not give it 5 stars because about three-quarters of the way through, it hits a dull patch of extraneous information. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the outliers of society or unusual biographies.

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed is her story of  hitting rock bottom in life, and finding redemption on the trail.

 Invisible: How Young Women with Serious Health Issues Navigate Work, Relationships and the Pressure to Seem Just Fine by Michele Lent Hirsch.

Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman.  This is her memoir of her time in prison, and there is a TV show based on it.

Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tells of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind by Nicole Knepper. 

Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother's Will to Survive by Stephanie Land.  Inspiring story and excellently written.

I'm a Believer: My Life of Monkees, Music, and Madness by Micky Dolenz.  This is his very entertaining life story of my favorite Monkee. Gotta love this dude.

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor by Bruce Campbell. 

I'm the One that I Want by Margaret Cho.  This comedian's funny life stories.

Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, and Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong. Comedian.

Full Metal Jacket Diary by Matthew Modine.  He chronicles his time working on the movie. I loved it.

The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish.  This talented comedian/actress had me crying laughing as I read this book.

Inside Out by Demi Moore. I've always liked her as an actress, and I really enjoyed the juicy stories she tells in this book.

A Little Bit Wicked: Life, Love, and Faith in Stages by Kristin Chenoweth.  I picked this one up because she's an Okie, but this singer/actress has good stories to tell.

Stories I Only Tell My Friends and Love Life by Rob Lowe. I never really thought about this actor much, as I haven't seen the West Wing or many of his movies, but these books won me over. He is a very thoughtful, candid, talented, and funny dude. He does great impressions of other celebrities, too.

Prairie Tale: A Memoir by Melissa Gilbert. She is mostly known for her role as Laura on the TV show Little House on the Prairie. This book chronicles her life, including her time as an actress and her relationship with Rob Lowe.  

Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology by Leah Remini. This actress is known for her TV roles, but this book focuses on her experiences with Scientology.

Why We Don't Suck by Denis Leary. Funny actor/comedian. The Asshole song/video.

My Mother Was Nuts by Penny Marshall. This actress/director had an incredible life.

Hungry Heart: Adventures in Life, Love, and Writing by Jennifer Weiner.  This is the author of many women's fiction books, including Good in Bed and In Her Shoes. 

I'm Your Huckleberry: A Memoir by Val Kilmer. Actor.

How Precious Was That While by Piers Anthony. Sci-fi/fantasy author, mostly known for the Xanth books.

I am C-3PO: The Inside Story by Anthony Daniels. This is a good book for Star Wars fans.

I. Asimov by Isaac Asimov. Sci-fi author who wrote the Foundation series, the I, Robot series, and much more.

Find Me by Rosie O'Donnell. Actress/comedian/talk show host.

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey.  Dude has cool stories.

Girl Walks Into a Bar: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle by Rachel Dratch. Actress comedian known for performing on SNL.

Almost Interesting by David Spade. Actor/comedian.

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes.

Based on a True Story by Norm Macdonald. Comedian. Dude is crazy.

The Bassoon King: My Life in Art, Faith, and Idiocy by Rainn Wilson.  Actor. Fascinating individual.

Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life by Steve Martin.

Bossypants by Tina Fey. Actress.

Brave by Rose McGowan. Actress.

Bunny Tales by Izabella St. James.  Life inside the Playboy mansion.

Buseyisms: Gary Busey's Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth by Gary Busey.  Dude is insane. Read this for the crazy stories.

Coreyography by Corey Feldman. Actor, mostly known for 1980s movies.

Dirty Daddy: The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian by Bob Saget.

Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny by Holly Madison.

Life by Keith Richards. Rolling Stones musician.

Little Girl Lost by Drew Barrymore. Actress.

My Boring-Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith by Kevin Smith. Director/actor/writer who got his start with the movie Clerks, which I love.

Riding the Elephant: A Memoir of Altercations, Humiliations, Hallucinations, and Observations by Craig Ferguson. Scottish comedian who hosted an American late night show.

Unqualified by Anna Faris.  Very candid actress.

Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. TV show creator.

You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein.

You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost) by Felicia Day.

Wherein I rhapsodize about Piers Anthony.

 Oh, man. Where do I even begin?  Piers Anthony, the creative genius, the prolific writer, the ballsy wacko.  This dude is 86 years old right now, and still cranking out books and a monthly newsletter.  I'm a lifelong superfan of (almost) everything he creates.

So I must've been about 11 when I read my first Xanth book, Demons Don't Dream (1994), and I've been hooked ever since.  Of course, the first book in the Xanth series is A Spell for Chameleon (1977), which happens to be my favorite book of all time.  It has everything I could ever want in a fantasy novel: humor, a quest, and interesting characters.  I mean, you have the perfect anti-hero/foil in poor, (supposedly) doomed Bink,  The way his surroundings play off him is hilarious and masterful writing.  I've read this book countless times, and I recommend it to people a few times a week.  It's my go-to comfort read.

But while Piers Anthony might be best known for the Xanth series, he has written many, many more books about a vast variety of subjects.  For example, the second-most common book that I recommend is Rings of Ice (1974).  It's definitely considered sci-fi, and it's about as far from the happy, light fantasy of Xanth as you can get.  It's a dystopian kind of action-adventure, and grittier than his other works.  Basically, Earth is flooding and humans are trying to find high ground and survive, no matter what they have to do along the way.  

Another of my favorites is Killobyte (1993).  It's about virtual reality, and what can happen if the players are hacked, unable to log out, and taunted.  Will they die in real life?  Or will they defeat the evil genius?

I feel that I must include a mention of 2 of his strangest works. Pornucopia (1989) and The Magic Fart.  Here's the goodreads description of Pornucopia: "Pornucopia is a picaresque black comedy that transgresses all bounds of everyday good taste. It begins in a near-future world where sex-vending machines and genital transplants are taken for granted. "  Yep.  This book is insane. I could see where it was supposed to go, but it missed the mark.  The description doesn't do it justice.   . . . I mean, the main character swaps out his tiny ween for a muti-tool (various sizes and shapes and uses).  He then goes on a journey and his multi-functional member helps along the way.  I can never regain the time I spent reading this.  The Magic Fart is the sequel, and I did not read it.

(Wait a second. Now that I've mentally revisited Pornucopia, I kinda want to try it again.  I think I was in my late teens when I first read it.😉)

So anyway, I've been hoping for a Xanth movie for YEARS.  It's been in talks many, many, many times, but never goes into production.  I would love to see a movie of A Spell for Chameleon.  But I'm extremely worried about it because of the pattern that's emerged:  Isaac Asimov died before his book, I, Robot, was made into a movie . . . And Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, same thing.  Those are two very similar authors . . .

I just remembered a relevant song

Detachable Penis by King Missile:

Assaulted at the gas station

I was assaulted a few days ago.  The experience shook me to the core and made me realize how lucky I am.  

So, I work from 8 AM to 4:30 PM Monday through Friday for a library system.  I stop at the same gas station every morning on my way to work, usually for a fountain drink, a donut, cheetos, or candy.  I'm a creature of habit, always parking in the same spot if it's available.  A few days ago, I tried to park in my usual spot at the gas station, and accidentally tapped the car perpendicular to me.  The other car was not parked within the lines, which was why I misjudged the space.  It was the lightest of taps, causing no damage, but I was prepared to apologize to the other driver.  


However, by the time I stood up out of my car, the other driver was already around hers and yelling at me. I tried to show her that our cars were both undamaged, but she would not let me speak.  She was irate, with crazy eyes and crazier hair.  She was waving her arms and screaming, "You stupid bitch!" over and over.  Then, while I was still staring dumbfounded at her, she began shoving me and saying, "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."  It was like she was possessed.  At about this time, my adrenaline kicked in and I began to both notice my surroundings and take defensive measures.  There was a gas station employee standing on the curb right by our cars, and she was trying to get the crazy lady's attention away from me.  Some other people were standing around watching.  My immediate instinct was to GET AWAY.  I gave one last fleeting thought to my  fountain drink, opened my car door, and attempted to get back inside my car.

My assailant gave no quarter.  She kept screaming and cursing me, and now she was using my car door as a weapon.  Using all her strength and rage with both arms, she was repeatedly smacking me with the car door, which painfully squeezed me against the car. All I could do was try to brace myself against the car door with my left forearm, which caused my right shoulder to smash into the car over and over.  At this point, my hindbrain was on full alert, signaling flee flee flee flee flee flee.  I don't know how long it took, but I managed to get inside my car. The crazy lady was screaming and attacking me with the car door the whole time. Even inside my car, I did not feel safe.  The crazy lady was still waving her arms and shouting at me.  So I left.

Looking back, I realize that I must have been in shock, because I drove all the way the work.  That's about 20 miles from the gas station.  I remember calling my husband on the way, hysterically crying as I tried to tell him what happened. He kept telling me to turn around and come home, but I was adamant about going to work.  So I showed up at work, went directly to my supervisor, and tried to tell him what happened.  Poor guy. He clearly had no idea what to do with me, as I had become hysterical again.  My husband called me while I was in my supervisor's office, and he convinced me to drive back home so he could take me to the police station.

Apparently, the gas station employees had called the police and reported the incident.  They had also written down the license plate number and type of car the crazy lady had been driving.  My husband convinced me to press charges.  I picked my assailant's mugshot from a photo lineup.  She was already in the system, having been arrested in the recent past.  The police went around to the address associated with the car she was driving, but she was not there.  The officer working the case told me he'd call with any developments.  It's been 5 days.

I sustained a bleeding scratch on my cheek, a large bruise on my left forearm, and several bruises around my right shoulder.

It could've been worse. I had a canister of pepper spray within reach the entire time, but I didn't even think about it. I could've fought back, but I'm glad I didn't.  Escalation is bad.

And I know I'm very lucky to have made it to age 37 before being involved in this type of physical altercation. 

The bruises are 5 days old in this picture.

My Experience With White Privilege

Okay, let me paint a picture here:  It's 1999, I was 16, I had my license, a car, and a part-time job at Dairy Queen.  I typically worked Saturdays and Sundays during the school year, and expanded my hours during the summer. I was in 10th grade, I was a mostly-A student, and I attended all the football games because I was in the band (tenor sax). I had a few close friends, lots of crushes, but no boyfriend.  I lived in a stable, 2-parent home of modest means.  My favorite thing to do was read, and I could read a book a day.  You might say I was living the typical life of a teenager, albeit a nerdy one.

One evening, probably around midnight or later, I was ending my late shift at DQ.  I gave a coworker a ride home, and headed home myself.  Now, my parents lived 13 miles away from the Dairy Queen, most of it outside town, and I usually made this drive with the radio blaring and no regard for the speed limit.  I also had a bad tendency to daydream while driving.  So I'm driving along Midwest Blvd, singing to the radio, when I notice flashing lights behind me.  I don't remember a siren, but I did have the music up loud, so who knows? That detail is lost in time.  Anyway. I have no idea how long the cop has been behind me, but I'm choosing to believe I noticed it sooner rather than later.  So, I panic.  I've never been pulled over before, and I want to do it correctly, so I'm freaking out wondering what stretch of road I should pull over on, am I supposed to signal, etc.  I quickly went from going 68 mph to around 20 mph.  I was still undecided as to what I should do as I approached 29th street, and the light went red.

So I stopped for the light.  I believe I was thinking something along the lines of "I shouldn't run a red light while a cop is tailing me." So I STOPPED FOR THE LIGHT.  Meanwhile, the cop had called for backup, so by the time I turned left onto 29th street there were a total of FOUR police cars following me.  I was losing my shit trying to figure out where to pull over, and yes, I'm still driving very slowly.  Crawling, really.  With 4 police cars behind me.  I remember I crossed a bridge because I didn't know if it was okay to pull over on the bridge.  I finally almost parked, but had to keep moving when I saw the fire hydrant.  I remembered from the Oklahoma Driver Manuel that you're not supposed to block fire hydrants, and I was trying to not make matters worse.

So, after leading the police on a mile-long low-speed chase, I pulled to a stop just beyond the fire hydrant.  I remember I rolled down the window, but the cop suggested I get out of the car. Suddenly, I'm standing by a female cop while a few other cops investigate my car and one male cop (the first one to follow me) asks me questions.  I don't remember a lot of them, but I do recall him asking why I was speeding, why I was out so late, and why it took me so long to pull over. I probably said that I wasn't aware I was speeding.  I do know that I told him I was driving home from work, because he said I was out past curfew.  I also remember explaining that I had never been pulled over before, so I wasn't sure of the process.  In hindsight, I'm sure I came off as a total spazz.  Meanwhile, the other officers started leaving.  They gave the car a thorough search, but since it was my dad's car, they didn't find anything incriminating.  Haha, just a bunch of computer-related equipment and junk in the backseat.  No gun, no drugs, just a stupid teenage girl.

I ended up with a reckless driving ticket, however, I did get the distinct feeling that the main cop was very aggravated with me, and at the fact that the worst he could do to me was that reckless driving citation.  I wish I could remember what he said to me.

It's been 20 years since that night, and I've never done more than laugh about it in remembrance.  My dad has been known to tell the story while laughing and slapping his knee, like it's a family joke.  Don't get me wrong- it definitely is a family joke to us, and especially to my dad, but now I look back and think about how lucky I was.  I'm white. As white as it gets.  Blonde and blue.  I'm female.  20 years ago, I was a silly teenage girl-next-door.  At no time during this incident was I handcuffed or roughed-up or restrained in any way. I don't think I was body-searched. I was allowed to remain free-standing next to the female cop while the others searched the car.  The officers just kind of deflated when I stepped out of the car and revealed my teenage ditzy self.  My WHITE FEMALE teenage ditzy self.

Am I Supposed to Be Here??

(Haha, I love Clerks.)

So let's break this down, shall we? I've been thinking about natural selection as it applies to my life. 

Natural selection is "the process whereby organisms better adapted to their environment tend to survive and produce more offspring."

Enter technology, i.e. medical advances.  I should never have survived past infancy, and my body has continued trying to break me down my entire life, including being vastly mysterious to doctors.  My brain chemicals even joined the fight.  If it wasn't one thing, it was another.  Congenital heart defects (requiring surgery at 3 months old and 10 years old) would have taken me out before I turned one without medical intervention.  But let's talk about my mom- she had open heart surgery at age 12 or 13.  Would she have survived to get pregnant and birth me without fixing her heart condition? 

And then there's the MAJOR guilt I feel over having kids myself.  My youngest was born with the worst heart issues our family has ever seen.  He had his second heart surgery at 9 years old, and he might need another in the future.  Hell, so might I. 

My question is- at what point does this become unacceptable?  Should the government intervene in families like mine to stop us from progenating?  That's kind of extreme, but people like me really aren't strengthening the human race.  We are starting to be born without a tailbone or appendix or wisdom teeth.  We are evolving, so why am I here?  I'm just a defective model.