For Cougar

Dear Cougar,

          At the time of your conception in 2009, your brother was 6 months old.  Your dad, Tyger, and I lived in a rental house.  I was 26 and your dad was 37.  Daddy was working as a detention officer and I was a stay-at-home mom and online college student.  Being pregnant with you was much more eventful than my first pregnancy: I gained more weight and at 8 months, I began itching severely on my belly.  Also, about a week before you were born, there was a bad snowstorm and Daddy got stuck at work for 36 hours.  That was bad because I was worried about going into labor with no one to help me. 

          However, the worst part about the pregnancy was the news we received after I underwent a fetal echocardiogram: You, my precious, innocent baby who was yet to be born, were diagnosed with a serious heart condition that the doctor thought was probably AVSD (atrial ventricular septal defect).  The cardiologist and the geneticist both encouraged me to also have an amniocentesis done to check for any chromosomal abnormalities you might have, such as Down’s Syndrome.  We were very happy when your chromosomes turned out to be normal.  As for your heart problem, the doctor assured me that it could be corrected by surgery sometime after you were born.  All I could do was hope for the best.

          I began having contractions January 1^st, 2010, but the pains stopped after a few hours and didn’t start again until the next day.  You were almost a New Year’s baby, but you ended up being born the evening of January 2^nd, 2010.  I walked into the birthing center with your dad, and within an hour you were born.  It was an emergency C-section because you were breech and your heart rate was dropping fast.  You were 9 pounds, 1 ounce and almost 21 inches long.  You were immediately rushed to a children’s hospital and checked out.  They let you come home with your dad and me a few days later because you were stable. 

          The first 6 weeks of your life were as normal as they could have been under the circumstances.  Your dad took off an entire month when you were born to help take care of you and let me recover from the delivery. He mostly watched you when I needed to sleep, and one of my favorite pictures is one taken by a nurse right after your birth- you were lying on a hospital table and your dad was sitting beside you with the happiest smile I have ever seen.  Anyway, I breastfed you, but you were not gaining much weight due to your heart condition.  You became weaker by the day and you were having episodes of turning blue and not breathing.  At 6 weeks old, I took you to the children’s hospital where you stayed for the next 2 weeks while various doctors checked you out.  By then, you were too weak to take the breast or bottle, so I was taught how to insert a feeding tube into your nose and down to your stomach so that you could receive my breastmilk that way.  When we took you home, you only lasted a week before we had to take you back to the hospital.  Your episodes of turning blue and not breathing were becoming too frequent for me to handle at home.  This time, you stayed a week at the hospital and came home with oxygen tanks and a heart monitor in addition to the continuous feeding pump and feeding tube.  You had tape on your face to hold the various tubes in place, and it was a juggling act for me or your dad to hold you and take care of you. 

          Unfortunately, you landed back in the hospital after about a week at home because your blue episodes had gotten much worse and too often.  Since I had the heart rate monitor at home always attached to you, I knew what was happening when you stopped breathing.  Your heart rate would drop to zero, and this would happen several times a day.  Anything could set you off, even taking your temperature or clipping your fingernails.  Back in the hospital, the cardiologists and the heart surgeon told me that you needed an open heart surgery as soon as possible.  However, they wanted you to be 12 pounds and at least 3 months old to increase your chances of surviving.  So it was a waiting game while we pumped you full of breastmilk and medicine and oxygen.  You made it to 12 pounds, but you did not make it to 3 months old before your situation became so dire that the surgeon decided to bump another patient off the surgery schedule in order to get your surgery done. 

          It was the last day of March, 2010, and I do not remember much about it except that you made it through surgery.  The doctors told me that you had Tetralogy of Fallot in addition to the AVSD, and your heart was in worse shape than they had originally thought.  You spent 5 weeks intubated in the pediatric ICU before you had the strength to breathe on your own.  You spent another 3 weeks in the hospital after the breathing tube was taken out, and ended up having a fundoplication and gastrostomy tube insertion surgery.  You were feeling a lot better, but you had forgotten how to eat, so the g-tube enabled me to feed you with a feeding tube that connected directly to your stomach.  By this time, you were 5 months old and you could not eat, talk, sit up, or do any of the things other babies your age could do.  When we brought you home, we set up a physical therapist to help you regain your strength and catch up on your milestones.  You could not walk until you were age 2 and a half, and you did not get the feeding tube taken out of your stomach until you were almost 3. 

          Today you are 3 and a half and you are walking, talking, eating, and playing like a regular kid.  You slept through your first birthday party.  You were a skeleton for your first Halloween, and a smurf for your second.  You were Scooby Doo for your third Halloween.  We went to Chuck E Cheese for your 3^rd birthday.

          You like Scooby Doo and Mickey Mouse.  You dance when you hear music.  You love and look up to your big brother, even though he picks on you all the time.  You LOVE swimming, especially at Grandma’s house.  Your favorite thing to eat is pizza.  You are unbelievably sweet and precious, and everyone loves you so much.